to be annoyed that my 6 year old is a spoilt brat

[iwantanoompaloompa]

and blame DH for it....

DS1 is lovely on the whole. However, he has brattish tendencies. He doesn't tantrum or strop in particular, but he always finds things to complain about and look for the negative. He doesn't strop - just asks why things weren't different.

So, today was DS's birthday. Yesterday we went to a theme park. We had a lovely day but on the journey on the way home, all DS could say was 'why didn't we get to go on the ride that I wanted to go on?' (it was raining so we left 20 minutes before closing). We had been on every single ride apart from one DS saw on the way out.

Today has been his birthday. He has had a lovely day. However, his comments on the day are (all whilst lying in bed after a story)

• why didn't I get more dinosaur presents?
• why didn't I get any of my birthday cake (just to be clear, he had 3 cakes, he had some of two of them but the one that got cut up for the party bags got handed out and the leftover slices got mistakenly thrown away)
• why didn't you buy me the moshi monsters Guess Who instead of just the ordinary one?
• why did XX buy me that when I've already got one?
• I don't like that book, why did you buy me that book?

DH is exactly the same and I've tried to tell him that it's rubbing off on DS1 but he doesn't see it. For example, today I did all the party stuff, made a cake, loaded the car up with party bags, cake, spare clothes etc and, on getting in the car, DH says 'why aren't we going in your car, it would have been much better to go in your car than mine'

It sounds petty but it's grinding me down.

DS2 is different altogether and a happy little bundle of joy (takes after me obviously ).

So what can I do? I've tried telling DS that it makes me sad when he doesn't seem happy with things he has or does.

I don't want to threaten to take his presents off him as that would be cruel but I'm very very tempted.

I am very tempted to take them all away until he's written his thank you notes!

My DS is exactly the same. I shall be watching this thread with interest...

I think I would lose my temper - or make a show of losing my temper in an angry way.
Just now DC is getting away with being whiney whiney whiney, if doing that illicits head being bitten off by DM, just a sharp shout 'I'm not listening to this, go and sit in the kitchen' type of thing. I think that would be better than a whiney coaxing from DM. Also reduces the chances of this behaviour in front of others.

My DD used to almost goad me with whiney complaining (about something insignificant) but I felt it was attention seeking but never did fathom why. Except she was older and it might have been the start of teenage hormones.

P.S. I don't think my DD knew why she was whining either.

CaoNiMa Mon 23-Apr-12 03:46:38
"Does nobody realise that you can actually correct behaviour by telling your DC not to do it? You don't have to just accept it."

Yes, but it gets very much harder if the other partner is constantly undermining you but modelling the behaviour you don't want. Dh whines. It does make it appreciably harder to explain to the children that whining is unacceptable. I am sticking to my guns, but I often wish he could make my life easier.

your son isnt spoiled ( although 3 cakes ) anyway your son is a whinger and its hard when nothing you do pleases them , but please stop worrying about it , when he does this just turn it around and say but we had a lovely day we got to do this and this and this , or you had some cake did you forget turn his negatives into a positive and he will learn , however dont fall into the trap of doing things to please him while he is going through this phase ,

and tell your husband to stop fooking whinning

My DH is exactly the same - he is definately a glass half empty boy! Frustrating but not spoiled......my DH blames me for it

I am hoping he will grow out of it.

DS is exactly the same, sorry!

I fel for you op I have a newly turned 6yo and although she is in the main a 'Hello trees, Hello flowers' lovely happy little girl, she too has a habit of being negative and whiny her favourite phrases - "what are we doing today?" (while I am struggling to wake up enough to make my first cup of tea), "I'm huuuungry" 2 seconds after lunch and "I'm boooooored" (2 seconds after arriving home after a very active day out for instance).

Since 'JoJo Bunny-gate', the christmas a couple of years ago when I could not bring myself to spend £30 on a bit of tat and dd1 spent Christmas bemoaning the fact that Father Christmas didn't bring her JoJo. We have been wracked with tension every christmas and birthday in case she presents the heartbreaking disappointed face again which I resent but DH (doting) loses sleep over.

Very often the meltdown/whingefests crop up at the end of a big outing/long day when they are possibly overstimulated and just really tired; there has been so much anticipation and special-ness to appreciate that they get overloaded.

I think it is key to be clear of expectations - what will probably happen on the birthday/outing and even how many presents/what the cake might be like, how to cope with not getting a longed for item, alongside daily reminders about things that are enjoyed (family time, playdates, story time etc- "Yay, it's story time, I love it when we read together"). This builds in the child a sense of security and teaches them to manage their expectations, and guide them to tolerating frustration and disappointment.

Sometimes I talk with the children about the fact that although it is going to be very fun and exciting, that it would be understandable if they felt a bit grumpy on the way home because it will be so late. I find it helps them (and me!) to cope when the time comes.

On my DS's 6th birthday we held a bolwing party for him. All his mates were having fun and DS had a face like a smacked arse. He genuinly didnt look like he was enjoying himself, had a few strops etc etc and generally behaved like a brat. He is 9 now and hasnt had a party since!

Can I explain the 3 cakes

One was supermarket thing for candles at birthday party. 2nd was tray bake for backup as candle cake was too small for all the party bags.

3rd cake was homemade job which DS and I made for grandparents later.

Honest

Bump

I have just bought "Don't Give Me That Attitude!: 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them" from Amazon.com.

It could be one of those rubbishy American popular psychology books. Or it may say something useful.

I am getting really tired of spoilt brat children, and my son has these traits too, though basically sweet boy, its very wearing for me. And really unacceptable when you think about it.

OP, it will get worse, nip it in the bud.

and tell your husband to stop fooking whinning

I recently totally lost my rag at my DH, partly due to his constant negativity, rather than trying to be upbeat and reassuring about how unreasonable his beliefs were, which is my normal response (v wearing for me). Lo and behold a few day's later it illicited a good heart to heart about our feelings (or at least as much as my DH can speak about feelings which is v little) - anyway we have got things on a fairer footing as result.

Imo the whiner doesn't realise how wearing and depressing it is for the whinee who is constantly dealing with this. My view is that they are loading their negative worries onto someone else to free themselves which is totally unfair.

A good blast of honest anger can do the world of good to make this point to them.

I have started pulling DH up on it.

Eg. This morning he went to the fridge and said 'I suppose you forgot to put orange juice on the online shop!'

I said, no I didn't, but how about you rephrase the question into something more cheerful (using my annoying perky voice)

He looked genuinely startled, then a bit self-conscious and said 'darling, did you remember to buy orange juice this week

I offered him a sticker

I do so hope it was an Eeyore sticker...
evil

I would definitely pull him up for it, ESPECIALLY being ungrateful for presents that he's been bought. That really winds me up.

I bought a lovely dress for Xmas once for one of my Niece's. As she opened it (clearly not even bothering to see who'd bought it as I was sitting right next to her) she said loudly "Oh, I HATE getting clothes, it's so boring!". I was livid but held my tongue. I know that my DSis who is a single mum and gets no money from her ExH, can't afford to buy her many clothes and had specifically asked a couple of us to get clothes and the others to get toys for her DD.

As I said, I held my tongue but there is no way I will ever put up with that from my DD, certainly not unpunished anyway!

Why do so many of you think you need to indulge DC or DH, just to keep the peace?

DD used to complain that this isn't good enough, or wasn't what she'd have liked. We reminded her how many children in the world have nothing, no toys, no food, home or even parents. Also reminding her that we had little when we grew up, made it a little more 'real' to her.
Now she happily puts things aside that she either doesn't use, or has grown out of for children who have less than her.

Ah my DS (7) is much like this. Things like 'why did they make the house that way, it would have been better X way' or 'that park doesn't have Y in it, Y would have made it so much more fun'.
He also always looks to what he can add to his collections of stuff - he'll be playing happily with them but talks about getting Z to go with it.

He is not a bratty child at all really although I have called him one and I have come to realise it's because he's so honest about everything and he takes things literally and so speaks the same way.

For example at the weekend we were out and then were coming home to dinner that was in slow cooker. He asked for an ice cream just before we came home. I said he could have one from the freezer after dinner. He ate dinner, was full and asked to get down. About 20 minutes later said "remember you said I could have an ice cream after dinner". I usually reply "I did". I never actually give him permission to get one until he asks in this sort of situation. He is slowly learning to ask questions and respond to questions instead of always making statements - but I want him to learn to do this without me having to constantly tell him iyswim?

LOL @ DH's sticker

I haven't read all the posts (at work ) but just wanted to say that that my dd aged 6 is exactly the same - nothing is ever good enough - all of her friends have x, y and z and she has nothing etc. We haven't been able to afford a holiday abroad since 2009 and she has been furious about this - never mind that we went away somewhere lovely every year since she was born :( It's really hard I guess to explain to a six year old what the recession is and how difficult times are :(. I do try though, then I feel guilty because I feel i 'should' be giving them more things - arghhh Vicious 'circle time'

OP, how about this?

"DS, I think it's a shame you are upset that things didn't go exactly as you had hoped, why don't you speak to Daddy about it?"

It annoys me too. Now before we go somewhere e.g. theme park I ask DD to answer the question name "If I do [one (or two) things] that will make it a good day", I do this with the rest of the family too so she gets the idea you do something for everyone.

We then try and do those things specifically and and at the end of the day if DD is a bit moany we recap what we've done.

If for some reason we don't get to do it (theme park ride is broken), it's a good lesson in handling disappointment too " oh well we didn't get to do (because the ride was broken) this but we did get to do......".

Also make DD say thank you for a lovely day, to me DP or GP whoevers relevent.

Incidentally would never apologise for what I hadn't got a child. They are lucky to ge what they've got.

reading again a recap at bedtime on all the good stuff that has happened tha day might help reshift the focus

Holidays are also a bonus, not a right! :-) I have cousins who never went on holiday till they were 15 and they turned out lovely!