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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just....AAAAAARGH I HATE HIM

60 replies

Bumblefeck · 22/04/2012 20:01

I am just so rage filled I am gonna explode.

We are currently at PIL's house and FIL, the vile creature that he is, has just managed to ensure he never sees his grandson again

We aarrived last night, FIL pissed out of his face and decides to follow around DS, 3 and over-tired, saying he needs a haircut, he needs to be a man and then he is gonna get his arse skelped and he would be the one to do it Angry

I get DS to bed and asleep and OH convinces me to go to my friends house as planned, OH was staying in and promised to make sure that FIL went nowhere near DS's room, and kept him away from him in the morning if he was drinking.

I came back this morning to pick OH and DS up to go visit somebody else and apparently this morning, already drunk again FIL called DS a "fucking english twat" Angry Angry

I swear to god, we go home tomorrow and that disguting piece of crap is not coming within 10 miles of my child ever again

Rant over

OP posts:
BumpingFuglies · 22/04/2012 21:37

All will be well when you get home. You've done everything right Bumble. You're allowed a cry, you know. Worry not, you're in control and you will ALL be fine.

maddening · 22/04/2012 21:38

the main thing now is oh is onside, will pil be aware what fil has done? Ie ruined the relationship beyond repair?

Original poster
Bumblefeck · 22/04/2012 21:45

They will have to be told, OH will have to speak to his mother and tell her. Sadly I don't think she will listen or take it seriously, she will put it down to FIL being drunk and joking, or me being over sensitive and then I will be the evil woman

But at this point I don't care if they curse my name from here to the end of time. I just want to be at home :(

OP posts:
GinPalace · 23/04/2012 04:11

Bumble - hope your day today is better. I think you and your OH have handled it well and I am so pleased you are a team - important when the tough stuff crops up. :)

Your DS is lucky to have you and his Dad. At least now you have a plan for the future and one you are fully justified in and can stick to. :)

Thumbwitch · 23/04/2012 04:21

Bumble - so :( for you and I don't think you are over-sensitive or anything other than eminently sensible for wanting to get your DS out of that atmosphere as soon as possible.

Your DS may not know what the words mean but he will certainly have been able to pick up on the tone used, poor child! And seriously, who thinks shit like that about a 3yo?? Drunk or not, no excuse. All drinking does is take the brakes off normal inhibitions in most people - so they say the stuff out loud that they might keep to themselves when not drunk.

He sounds like a git and is not worthy of having a relationship with your little family.

Emmielu · 23/04/2012 06:46

Woah hang on, have you forgotten the background reason to why op was there? In fact had none of you thought that maybe op was there for a overnight visit? Maybe when op got back from her friends house she was far too tired to travel?

Op's OH is obviously capable of looking after ds1. Cut them some slack! Op wasn't asking if she was being unreasonable or even irresponsible by leaving ds1 in her oh's care knowing what fil was like earlier that day. Op asked if she was being unreasonable by not letting fil see his grandson. Op probably feels shitty as it is, so instead of drumming it into her that it's abuse why don't you help her out on how to go about making her wish happen easily & without upsetting other family members.

fedupofnamechanging · 23/04/2012 08:05

Because Emmielu, there is a tendency for family members to play down the nasty things that are said when a person is drunk and to blame the drink, rather than the person. Imho, the OP needs to be very clear that this is abusive behaviour, so that in the future, when the dust has settled, she doesn't get sucked into excusing how he has behaved (and therefore 'forgiving' it and being pressured into visiting him again). I think that is what the extended family will want, because that's what is easiest for them.

EmmaCate · 23/04/2012 08:09

He'll probably die soon if he drinks that much so you may not have an issue for much longer. Sorry to be blunt.

GinPalace · 23/04/2012 08:24

EmmeCate OP can't bank on it - my seriously alcoholic uncle was given 6 months to live... over a decade ago! Everyone is Shock he is still going!

bigjoeent · 23/04/2012 08:56

Bumblefeck, hope you have got off OK and glad that you and OH are thinking the same way. Remember how mad you feel right now when anyone starts to lay a guilt trip on you or your OH.

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