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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just....AAAAAARGH I HATE HIM

60 replies

Bumblefeck · 22/04/2012 20:01

I am just so rage filled I am gonna explode.

We are currently at PIL's house and FIL, the vile creature that he is, has just managed to ensure he never sees his grandson again

We aarrived last night, FIL pissed out of his face and decides to follow around DS, 3 and over-tired, saying he needs a haircut, he needs to be a man and then he is gonna get his arse skelped and he would be the one to do it Angry

I get DS to bed and asleep and OH convinces me to go to my friends house as planned, OH was staying in and promised to make sure that FIL went nowhere near DS's room, and kept him away from him in the morning if he was drinking.

I came back this morning to pick OH and DS up to go visit somebody else and apparently this morning, already drunk again FIL called DS a "fucking english twat" Angry Angry

I swear to god, we go home tomorrow and that disguting piece of crap is not coming within 10 miles of my child ever again

Rant over

OP posts:
lunamoon · 22/04/2012 20:21

That is awful.
I think you are within your rights not to let ds visit fil again.
Your ds comes first.
Your fil sounds like a vile man.

Original poster
Bumblefeck · 22/04/2012 20:22

It will NOT carry on into anything and I am certainly not minimising it.

When we leave, we are NEVER NEVER NEVER coming back, and nor is that man ever going to be welcome in my house.

My OH barely drinks and is the complete opposite of his father, if he wasn't, he wouldn't be my OH

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 22/04/2012 20:23

I'm with birds.

Calling a child a fucking English twat is abusive and racist.

Birdsgottafly · 22/04/2012 20:23

If a pissed up person has a nasty rant at a three year old child, that is abusive behaviour, especially if accompanied by threats.

A three year old, unless it has become the norm, would be alarmed by that carry on. If it has become the norm, then that is a worry in itself.

CupOfBrownJoy · 22/04/2012 20:24

OP is having a rant. she knows what she needs to do. Whether its "abuse" or not seems to be by the by to me. He's a nasty piece of work by all accounts and will not be going within 10 miles of his DGS again.

And calling the OP responsible because its "her fault" they are visiting? That's really unpleasant. Wow some posters are just desperate to be helpful aren't they!

Rant away OP, and get the hell out of there in the morning! He sounds awful.

BumpingFuglies · 22/04/2012 20:25

Only the OP can answer that Birds. Just saying, be cautious about throwing the word "abuse" around.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/04/2012 20:27

I'm Scottish - first thing I was going to ask Grin

fedupofnamechanging · 22/04/2012 20:28

I'm with the posters who can't believe you are still there. If someone spoke to my child like that, they would be picking their teeth out of their arse!

You should have got in the car and left there and then.

squeakytoy · 22/04/2012 20:28

I am in total agreement with Birds as well. As the child's parents you are responsible for ensuring his safety. A pissed abusive man doesnt sound like someone who should be anywhere near a child.

A drunk threatening to smack a child is abusive behaviour to me...

Original poster
Bumblefeck · 22/04/2012 20:30

We moved over 300 miles away last year, and we haven't seen the PIL since we moved, cue lots of emotional blackmail about me taking DS away (yes, it's all apparently all my doing) which is why I agreed to the visit. I will not make the same mistake again

And DS does not think this is normal, he doesn't understand the word "skelp" let alone "fucking english twat" and consequently he was not alarmed. The bile just drips out of FIL in normal conversational tones

OP posts:
CupOfBrownJoy · 22/04/2012 20:30

"That's abuse" is the new "leave the bastard" stock rejoinder...

BumpingFuglies · 22/04/2012 20:35

Good for you Bumble.

BumpingFuglies · 22/04/2012 20:36

Cup - possibly

fedupofnamechanging · 22/04/2012 20:36

But sometimes, Joy, the situation is abusive or an OP shouldleave the bastard. Sadly on MN, there appear to be a lot of situations where describing someone as abusive, is accurate and telling an OP to leave the bastard, is very good advice!

squeakytoy · 22/04/2012 20:36

Most 3 year olds are very capable of picking up the undertones of such a nasty person.

BumpingFuglies · 22/04/2012 20:37

Karma - you're right. But maybe not in all cases?

CupOfBrownJoy · 22/04/2012 20:44

I'm certainly not disagreeing with that karma, but in this case, what is to be gained by bandying the word "abuse" about?

fedupofnamechanging · 22/04/2012 20:50

Well, I think calling a 3 year old a 'fucking English twat' is abusive behaviour, not to mention threatening to 'skelp' him.

I don't think the OP and her dh should have exposed their child to this person (they know what he is like), but if this was truly out of the blue, then they ought to have removed their child straight away from the house.

I can't imagine going out with my friends and leaving my child in this environment, even with assurances from dh that he would keep the fil away.

A parent shouldn't keep their child in an environment where one parent has to act as a guard to keep the child safe from this kind of behaviour.

Weddellway · 22/04/2012 20:52

Are you sure that 300 miles is quite far enough? Smile

BumpingFuglies · 22/04/2012 20:56

Cup - that's my point, but the definition of "abuse" is subjective. I don't think that it's helpful to the OP at the moment (even though I objected in the first place). So let's deal with that on a another thread maybe? What do you think, Bumble?

How are things just now?

GinPalace · 22/04/2012 20:57

You are a long way from home or I am sure you would be there already!!

No wonder you are livid - I am impressed at your self restraint that you haven't retaliated and inflamed the situation.

At least you now have an example of why you never visit to fend of the emotional blackmail for next time.

I would hope he would be ashamed of himself when he sobers up but sadly expect not. I think peoples true character emerges under the influence of drink when inhibitions are down - so you know what kind of man he is now and luckily your DS will probably never remember it/him.

Your DH must be so sad his DF is such an arse and horrid to his son. Hope the GP's on your side are better and make up for it. :)

BumpingFuglies · 22/04/2012 20:58

GinPalace - agree

GinPalace · 22/04/2012 21:00

The DS was under the protection of a caring parent at all times so no harm done, the only harm is to OP's and her DH's happiness / peace of mind. :(

maddening · 22/04/2012 21:18

what do your oh and mil say about his behaviour?

Original poster
Bumblefeck · 22/04/2012 21:31

OH is as angry as I am, sadly MIL and the rest of his side of the family make excuses for his drinking and generally see no problem with it.

I am sitting in the bedroom with DS, packing as quietly as I can so I don't wake him so we can leave first thing in the morning. The rage has subsided a bit and now I'm fighting back tears because I have been so stupid in bringing him here

I have told OH that we are never coming back and he agrees and has said that if he ever decides to visit he will do it alone

OP posts: