or are my aunt and uncle?

[Empusa]

I've never been close to my uncle, he's one of those people who says really insulting things in the belief that it is funny, and doesn't get why people get annoyed at him. I've always kept him at a distance because I got sick of the constant jibes, and when he met my DH for the first time he insulted him enough that my DH refused to see him for 2 years. My aunt (his wife) isn't much more likeable.

Today we were asked to go for a meal by my dad. At the meal was my dad, brother, aunt, uncle and a few others. We obviously took along our 3 week old DS.

At the restaurant there were enough of us that we were sat on two tables, DH and I sat with my dad, brother and cousin, and my aunt and uncle sat with the rest of the family on the other table. Our 3 week old DS had his pram next to DH's seat.

Before the dessert course was served my uncle came over to our table and said to DH, "move, my wife wants to sit next to the baby". Both DH and I assumed he was joking, and DH laughed and said "ah fuck off". Uncle took offence though, and insisted that DH had to move so that my aunt could sit next to DS.

Neither DH or I understand why he should have to move so someone else can sit next to his son! So DH refused to move.

So, opinions please, was DH BU? Or was my uncle?

Your uncle is a prick.

So the aunt wanted to sit next to the baby, and your husband said "fuck off".... would "sorry, no" not have sounded a bit more civil....

Your husband sounds equally as rude as them...

He said it in a jokey way, not a serious way.

Your uncle is weird and 'move' is a rude thing to say. Yeah, fuck off is a rude thing to say back but your uncle was rude first, he asked for a rejoinder.

If you uncle had approached with "DW would love to sit by your new arrival for dessert, what do you think?", I expect he might even have persuaded one of you to move for the half hour or so. But to just come over and say "Move" - I'd have told him to fuck off, and not in a jokey way either. Your DH was giving him the benefit of the doubt by starting off jokey.

YANBU Ive responded fuck off as a joke in an environment where a bit of banter is present. Being told 'Move' its no wonder your dh thought it was a joke.

Every credit for staying put after dh was spoken to like that. If daunt had said, do you mind if I sit near the baby for a little while, then its a different story

YANBU, your uncle is a toolbag.

You even need to ask??

Beggars belief why they are still invited to stuff.

They both sound charming

Does your husband plan to joke like that when your DS is 18 months old and picking up words from the adults around him?

The uncle is BVVU, and well done to your OH, okay "fuck off" may not have the been perfect response, but it was said in a jokey way to get his point across someone who has already offended him

Obviously language will be curbed once DS is older, but at 3 weeks it's hardly an issue.

"If daunt had said, do you mind if I sit near the baby for a little while, then its a different story"

Quite.

It is an issue if it is a habit that needs breaking. Hilarious joke though. Really.

Don't you find it disrespectful that your DH uses language like that in front of your family?

I can imagine the exchange between your uncle and DH being said with a twinkle in their eyes...if your uncle was a completely different person.

Ordering your DH to move was rude, I don't blame your DH for presuming he was joking because you don't expect someone to say that for real.

They definately weren't as bad as each other, DublinMammys 'toolbag' is a great way of putting it

I would have said 'Sorry, I missed that... What are you ordering me to do????'

But, I haven't got a lusheous 3 weeks old babba, and an Uncle who is a complete dick!

So.... fair's fair!!!

Don't let it become a problem.... forget it now. Your OH replied with a perfect reply for someone like your Uncle. tit for tat... move on!

Congrats on your little baby! xxx

How have you extrapolated a "habit" from the use of a phrase once in a jokey way?

And no, it's not disrespectful, none of my family are precious about language. Don't get me wrong, there isn't much swearing in the family, but (almost) everyone understands that it works sometimes.

Well your uncle was rude but so was your dh. He needs to watch his mouth NOW. Children start picking things up very young and the sooner he tries to change his habits with language the higher his chance of success.

"Children start picking things up very young"

At 3 weeks?

at 'watch his mouth'.

He's an adult, with other adults.

And 3 week old babies don't pick anything up.

Charming adults. Each to their own. It's one thing to "joke" with your mates (although most adults grow out of finding four letter words alone humorous) but an uncle that you have not seen for 2 years with whom you do not have an easy relationship anyway? Provocative at best.

I'd have had words with my DP for swearing at my uncle like that, even if the uncle is rude. There really was no need to swear. I often feel like swearing at several members of my DP's family but find a patronising "I don't think so, do you?" would have sufficed imo.

However, your uncle was really rude to your DH. The polite thing to do would have been for your aunt to come over and ask politely to swap places with your DH so she could see the baby. Using the words "please" and "thank you" when appropriate.

OK, we get you don't approve of swearing.

But the people involved have no problem with it, so it was essentially the same as if he'd laughed, smiled and said "Get lost" or some other phrase that meant the same. Bearing in mind he thought that the uncle was jokingly being rude, jokingly being rude back made sense.

Empusa - children don't magically develop flashing lights above their heads when they are of an age to start repeating stuff. You and your dh need to revise your idea of a 'joke' just as much as the vile uncle needs to work on his social skills. Btw - just out of interest was this restaurant totally full of adults? On a Sunday lunchtime I'm guessing there were in fact children present?

I gathered that, but still think it's pretty safe bet that at 3 weeks old my DS isn't taking in any of what we say.

There were children in the restaurant, but none within earshot.

I think I'd have been tempted to swear at anyone who thought it was okay to order me to move away from my own baby, joking or otherwise. He sounds charming.

The correct response to the order, "Move", unless given during time of extreme emergency, is always "fuck off". Or at least it should be. Anyone who's that rude deserves nothing better.

I may be wrong but I think it's quite possible that Empusa's DH lightheartedly said "Ah, fuck off" only because he thought the uncle was joking to start with and that had DH known that uncle was serious he wouldn't have said fuck off because he'd have been too shocked and perhaps even too polite to.

Empusa, you have my sympathy. I have an uncle who constantly jokes to the extent that I took him to be kidding one day when he was serious. He became very abusive as a result and my once ever so close relationship with him is now non-existant. Dealing with someone like that is like tripping on eggshells.