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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a bigger diamond?

72 replies

Beaverfeaver · 21/04/2012 16:59

My engagement ring is an old 0.1 carat diamond which I am currently having a wedding band made to fit.

We couldn't afford a fancy engagment ring when we got engaged and this one was in the family.

We were thinking that the wedding band could be inset with diamonds instead.
However , we have just been at the jewellers to discuss options and are now thinking about increasing the size of the 0.1 diamond in my engagment ring with a 0.25.

As soon as she showed us the 0.25 diamonds I couldn't believe how lovely it was and fell a bit in love with it, but just because its bigger.

I do have a niggle in the back of my head that it's wrong to do this though.

Am I being unreasonable to now want a diamond bigger than 0.1?

OP posts:
KitCat26 · 21/04/2012 17:55

I think Laurie's idea was lovely.

If you do go to the jewellers make sure you haggle for heavens sake, especially if you are getting your wedding band from the same place.
The mark up on jewellry is huge.

tartyflette · 21/04/2012 17:55

Diamonds are ME. I am Liz Taylor. And my original engagement ring does not fit anymore Sad and has a coloured stone in it. What was I thinking? Now I would LOVE a two-carat solitaire.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/04/2012 17:58

I don't see the issue if your DP doesn't mind (or his family, I guess, as you say it's a family ring). Laurie makes a really good suggestion.

I have to admit, I feel slightly sad/dubious when people say that they 'have' to keep a ring they dislike because their husband picked it/couldn't afford more. Does it matter who picks it and who pays? Is the husband's ego really so fragile he'll object? After all, he's not the one wearing it. DH's wedding ring isn't especially to my taste ... but so what? He likes it and that is what matters.

My mum is one of those people who got a ring that (secretly) didn't suit her tastes and these things don't stay secret in the course of a marriage - you can't fake enthusiasm for 25 or 50 years, can you?!

MargueritaaPracatan · 21/04/2012 18:00

Some people just aren't that sentimental but would like a bigger bling factor. Stop doing what you think is 'acceptable' and just do it, it's your money and your ring.

AKMD · 21/04/2012 18:04

I love Laurie's idea.

I don't wear my engagement ring because it doesn't go with my wedding ring and I was always terrified of losing it while we were engaged anyway. I wear it when DS hides my wedding ring though Hmm

Desiren · 21/04/2012 18:04

My husband has begged me to let him change my engagement ring, as his is embarrassed at the size of the diamond fleck, but I love it won't change it for the world and now refuse to take it off in case he tries to change it.

MissTapestry · 21/04/2012 18:04

DP chose mine second hand and it has a teeny weeny diamond set into the inside. No idea why but I love the fact that it has a secret inside. Grin

It's boootiful!

marshmallowpies · 21/04/2012 18:06

Lots of people I know of of my parents generation either did without an engagement ring or had a 'placeholder' ring until they could afford the 'real' one, including my mum.

Sadly her 'placeholder' ring which wasn't valuable (but am sure had sentimental value) got stolen so she eventually got her 'real' ring. I never knew until I was much older that she'd only got that ring after being married for 7 or 8 years!

So I see nothing odd about getting a different engagement ring or getting the ring changed; lots of people do it! Incorporating the original diamond into a new ring would be a lovely idea, though.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/04/2012 18:07

It's odd - I can't get excited about diamonds normally but I love the idea of a teeny one hiding inside a ring.

StrawberrytallCAKE · 21/04/2012 18:08

Yanbu I wanted a vintage style wedding ring that wouldn't have gone with my engagement ring so had my engagement ring turned into diamond earrings and a necklace. I don't love my wedding ring but I didn't have a huge selection to choose from so I'm going to get another when we renew our vows. To me it's just jewellery, it's the man that matters :)

MadameOvary · 21/04/2012 18:10

Do people really turn their noses up at other people's jewellery??
How sad.

mrscumberbatch · 21/04/2012 18:10

I have a skewed view on upgrading rings as I'm a jeweller. But I'm 100% that it's a great thing to do.

I don't like it when people trade in their old rings for brand new ones but I love it when they add/amend existing rings to make it their own.

Circumstances change and I think that the sentimentality should lie with the fact that this person who bought you this ring wants to make it even better.

FWIW- I've had to melt my rings down about 100 times when I've run out of metal to make other people's wedding rings. How's that for putting a piece of yourself into your work!!!? Lol.

MamaGeekChic · 21/04/2012 18:11

Worra i think that's a lovely sentiment about how far they've come together- I'm going to bear that in mind.

Flightty · 21/04/2012 18:20

I'm not sure. I think if your DP wants you to have the bigger diamond and it won't spoil the ring to alter it, then it's fine...it's quite a nice gesture on his part.

I wonder what would happen to the old diamond though.

Maybe if it would mean altering the metal part of the ring too much, it might not be a good idea - might weaken it or something? The alternative would be to get another ring to wear instead, keep the old one intact for sentimental sake and so on.

DP hasn't got me a ring yet - not entirely sure he will! But my mother's first engagement ring, when they had no money at all, was second hand - it's absolutely beautiful, tiny diamonds set into a very thin little ring. She keeps it in a box - it even has old names engraved into it, Amos to Edith I think Smile which are not my parents' names!

She doesn't wear it since years and years ago because it is so delicate and would have got worn out, or lost etc and she uses her hands a lot. So after years of just wearing the plain wedding ring, Dad got her another ring to replace both, which actually I think is ugly - plain thick band with a red stone in it - but she feels it is more solid to wear every day, and she likes it.

I don't see a problem - the marriage it the point, not the ring.

I'm going to need a very plain one if it ever happens as I also use my hands for heavy duty stuff so might just have a wedding ring when we get married, instead - and not bother with the engagement ring. Or keep it in a box so will need to be cheap. I don't mind.

Flightty · 21/04/2012 18:22

DH - sorry! not DP! Blimey...think that would be obvious Grin

BellaVita · 21/04/2012 18:23

I do not get sentimental over stuff.

DH upgraded my engagement ring last year for me.

hermioneweasley · 21/04/2012 18:25

It's quite common in the States to upgrade your the stone in your engagement ring as you can afford to. My wife got a whole new ring when we could afford something a bit more bling.

Lizcat · 21/04/2012 18:29

So of this may also come down to what cut of diamond you may prefer a more modern cut. Though for me it is old cut ( pre 1930) diamonds so all of my pretties are second hand - from auction where you get amazing value.

confuzed90 · 21/04/2012 18:32

My engagement ring only cost £100. Was from argos! But I love it. We couldn't afford anything more, and to me its not about the diamond, its about the love it brings and stands for. But that's my opinion, my DP wanted to get a more expensive one for me but why? I'm happy with is. Its sentimental always will be. If I got another it wouldn't be the 'true' ring. Especially if it was one that was passed down the family.

Its completely up to you but that is my opinion. The size of it shouldn't matter. The same with the wedding, I'm only 22, and most people want a big dream wedding, which fair enough it is the day of your life where you vow to spend the rest of your life with the person you love, but why do people feel the need to go and spend what is the common price now? £30,000 or something?? My mum is getting all this stuff for my wedding, personalised invitations and what not. Which is lovely don't get me wrong, but also hassling me about only wanting 50 people at the wedding as I want it family orientated to keep costs down, she wants more people there but to me the only people that count to me is me and the groom.

Do you see what I'm trying to say? Its completely your choice and opinion but the size really shouldn't be an issue. Its not about size, which therefore results in price, its about the love that it brings.

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 21/04/2012 18:49

Thanks for all the replies. Very mixed.

We are getting married in 2 months and due to the unusual shape of the engagement ring the wedding band is being made to fit.
If we do change the diamond, thi will change the shape the band will need to fit.

Therefore we couldn't increase the size of the diamond later without needing to also get a me band made.

Our wedding will be a small one. Just immediate family and is costing a fraction of what others have had. Everything has been negotiated for and carefully considered.

I was quite happy having a plain wedding band and nothin too flash, but it seems important to my DP that with something that we will wear for the rest of our lifetime, that we should have something we are both truly happy with, and is happy to spend the money to get that.

I am still completely 50/50 as to if I want to change my engagement ring Amy more than it already has been.

My DP suggested getting me a diamond ring to wear on my other hand instead, but I am not sure this is what I want as I don't really need anymorerings having already had a few eternity rings that I wear on that hand.

The diamond on my current engagment rig would be reset into a necklace for me to wear on my wedding day (and hopefully evey other day too!)

I am just like a magpie, and as soon as I see something sparkly I fall in love.

OP posts:
Flightty · 21/04/2012 18:55

Oh sorry again...DP it is!

If you love the ring, and the jeweller is confident it will take the new diamond well, then do it.

It was someone else's engagement ring in its present form, and this will make it properly yours.

I like the necklace idea too.

Clytaemnestra · 21/04/2012 19:27

I don't wear my engagement ring now I"m married. Is that really rare?

MarySA · 21/04/2012 19:28

It is a difficult one this. I was quite happy with my ring till I saw somebody else's who had a much bigger and sparklier diamond than mine. Sounds dreadful I know!! I don't feel very sentimental about it I'm afraid and hope to get a better one some day. It's more difficult when it's a family piece and you don't want to offend anybody. I agree with go for an up grade in a few years.

Original poster
Beaverfeaver · 21/04/2012 19:34

DP just came home. We discussed and each told what we would like in San ideal world. And I sai I would be happy with any of these options and for him to make the decision. He is happy with that, so we shal see
What he decides to do!

OP posts:
marshmallowpies · 21/04/2012 21:02

My engagement ring is antique as I knew from the beginning I wanted something with a history (neither DH or I had any family heirlooms we could use) - so I picked out a ring that I love.

Am sure it's completely different to what he would have picked out for me, but I think he likes the fact I knew my own mind! He said to me 'I wish your ring was bigger' but I like the fact it's small & delicate rather than blingy...it has a kind of Art Deco look to it.

Am watching the documentary about Elizabeth Taylor & her diamonds on tv right now so it's bringing it all back!

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