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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to invite my nine yrs old niece & nephew to my DD's 3 yrs b'day pty?

31 replies

longbay · 20/04/2012 18:35

I'm already inviting 12 of her other cousins & friends who are all under 5 yrs old, plus their parents. I know it's only 2 more children but it just seems so silly because of the age gap. I don't want to have to think about creating games & party bags for them!
I mentioned this to my SIL (of the nephew) and she said he'd feel left out!! This has annoyed me because he's had b'day pty's for his age group friends all his life! My DD's obviously not been invited cos she's only 2 and it wouldn't be appropriate for her to go to Laser Quest for example.
Why should it be different for when the younger ones have b'day parties?!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 20/04/2012 18:39

I was going to say YANBU until you said you're inviting other cousins and parents.

I'd invite them as it's not like they're really going to join in much anyway but at least they won't feel like the rest of the family are welcome and they're not.

You don't have to create any special games or party bags for them...just do whatever you were going to do in the first place.

MrsShitty · 20/04/2012 18:41

Of course yabu...my older nieces only have ther school friends to their parties...but I askd them to my DDs 4th party as it was at my house and very informal...you are being mean. The extra bags need only sweets.

TwoIfBySea · 20/04/2012 18:42

Look on it this way, little ones adore older cousins/siblings so would your dd not like them to be there? At that age they won't need supervision like the under 5s and, if my own experience is anything to go by, will be an extra pair of hands in entertaining/serving the food.

So YABU a bit, depending on how the family gets on.

KurriKurri · 20/04/2012 18:43

Get them to help serve food, help the little ones with their tea, help out with games and so on. Nine year olds can be quite helpful at a younger children's party. You don't have to do game for older children, and just put a few sweets into a party bag for them and a fancy pencil or something.

But if you really don't want them, they should be old enough to cope with being told it's a little ones party so they aren't invited.

Noqontrol · 20/04/2012 18:44

I'd invite them, they'd feel left out otherwise (especially as you are inviting all the others), and you would be surprised at helpful 9 yr olds can be with the younger ones at parties too. Just get them a book or something from the book people for party bag present. Completely recommend roping older children in to help, it's nice to have a mix of kids anyway.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 20/04/2012 18:52

YABU to not invite them. They'll still like the party bags and if they're anything like me and my sister were at that sort of age they'll love to help with the party games and "supervise" the little ones.

TooManyBubbles · 20/04/2012 18:59

My best friend's son (five years old than my DCs) has been to all our parties! He's fab - joins in with all the games and helps out. Gets the same party bag as everyone else. He loves coming to our parties.

SilverSixpence · 20/04/2012 19:00

YABU, not everyone will turn up and if you've invited other relatives they're old enough to know they are missing out.

GnomeDePlume · 20/04/2012 19:03

Oh for goodness sake, of course YANBU! SIL should be explaining to her DCs that they are too old. She should not be projecting her daft views onto her child (unfortunately she will undoubtedly be projecting away!).

WibblyBibble · 20/04/2012 19:05

Well, I don't think you're morally wrong in any way but there is no way I would not invite 9yo relatives to 3yo birthday parties- free entertainment/supervision for the smaller ones while you hide with a cup of tea! So YABU for not taking that opportunity I guess.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 20/04/2012 19:08

YANBU in principle, but if you invite them and ask them to help then they and the little kids would be happy...

Mrsrobertduvall · 20/04/2012 19:08

It is a party for a 3 year old..why would a 9 year old want to be there?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 20/04/2012 19:10

Nine year old can love their cousins and want to celebrate their birthdays. Especially when there's going to be party food.

I'd invite them, they will probably be very helpful. You don't have to do special party bags.

dollywashers · 20/04/2012 19:13

My dd (8) would be gutted if she wasn't invited to her cousin's (currently 3)party. They are really close though. Depends on their relationship. What does your daughter want?

Bue · 20/04/2012 19:17

I grew up with cousins of this age gap. I certainly didn't attend their third birthday parties, nor would I have wanted to! Weird.

FeakAndWeeble · 20/04/2012 19:17

YANBU. You'll probably have to suck it up and invite them though.

When I got married we didn't invite the 18 year old sister of DHs oldest friend because neither of us knew her (I'd never met her, DH had never had anything to do with her). We had an almost hysterical phonecall from her parents saying she was 'devasated' to have been excluded.

She spent the day talking to no one because, er, no one knew her. She's in all my wedding photos looking miserable as sin. WHY did she want to come? God knows. But inviting her saved DH falling out with the family of his oldest mate.

People are weird. Invite them, and if they're bored out of their minds then it's your SILs fault, not yours.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 20/04/2012 19:17

When I was 9 I loved 'looking after' younger children, and could have quite capably ran a birthday party with minimal adult support. I would invite the 9 year olds but tell them they are there to 'help.'

5madthings · 20/04/2012 19:21

i always tend to invite older siblings and my younger ones have their siblings and maybe one of their friends at their parties.

if you are inviting all the other cousins it seems harsh not to invite this one older one? he wont care about the party bag, he will eat the sweets and cake still etc and he may well be very helpful, my own 9yr old ds2 is great with little ones, get him involved in helping out etc and i am sure it will be fine.

equally tho my kids know they arent always invited to parties for little ones, ds4 and dd have a party next week and the elder 3 arent invited, they know its for little children and are fine with this.

i just think if he is the ONLY cousin not invited its a bit mean?

mamij · 20/04/2012 19:27

Invite them so they won't feel left out, but I wouldn't do anything special for them. After all, it's your DDs birthday and it's for her friends. Agree that the older ones will be able to help out.

ddubsgirl · 20/04/2012 19:32

my boys have never been to thier cousins parties but they are abit older,other cousin is only younger by 1 yr than my twins but she gets invited,hurts but they get over it.

fussbucket · 20/04/2012 19:37

My sisters regard my ddtwins as vital entertainers, waitresses etc at my nieces and nephews b'day parties. And my dds (now 13) will still do almost anything for chocolate...
Unless you've already burnt your bridges, invite them.

helpyourself · 20/04/2012 19:37

Invite him and ask him to help. It's rotten being the oldest in the family.

youarekidding · 20/04/2012 19:39

You underestimate how useful 9/10 yos are at these parties. They find the littlies cute and want to play with them, help out etc. And if your lucky the little ones behave really grown up to impress the big ones.

If your inviting family then it should be all family, if your just inviting friends then no.

SweetGrapes · 20/04/2012 19:40

YABU - a couple of extra kids doesn't make a difference. And they are cousins. Their party bags can be exactly the same - they won't mind. And you can recruit them to help out with the little ones.
Don't leave them out.

I always have siblings, older cousins, babies etc - all inclusive - I like it and think it makes for more fun.

BackforGood · 20/04/2012 19:44

I used to ask my slightly older nieces if they would come and "help" me... I remember even doing a 'Job advert' for them once. They can do things like the music for you. They feel important (and can actually be quite helpful) and - and this bit's important - they feel included.

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