Not to invite my nine yrs old niece & nephew to my DD's 3 yrs b'day pty?

[longbay]

I'm already inviting 12 of her other cousins & friends who are all under 5 yrs old, plus their parents. I know it's only 2 more children but it just seems so silly because of the age gap. I don't want to have to think about creating games & party bags for them!
I mentioned this to my SIL (of the nephew) and she said he'd feel left out!! This has annoyed me because he's had b'day pty's for his age group friends all his life! My DD's obviously not been invited cos she's only 2 and it wouldn't be appropriate for her to go to Laser Quest for example.
Why should it be different for when the younger ones have b'day parties?!

Thanks for all your thoughts. I think I'm just going to choose the easy option and invite both of them with the view that they'll be my little helpers and hopefully NOT hinderers like they were last year! They get quite over excited when they're together.
Forgot to mention I'm 20wks pregnant and pretty hormonal. I don't want to have to deal with the family backlash either!

longbay ask them if they would come along and help you. My dts are 10 and love being given responsibilities like that, makes them feel all important! Rather than invite them to the party, say to SIL that you were worried they'd be bored but you (being pregnant) could really do with them helping out. It's your dd's birthday but, speaking as someone whose dts have missed out on having any cousins, it is good for her to feel special from family too!

I guess it all depends on the family as I said before. I was the youngest cousin and a lot of my older cousins turned up at my birthday parties - had it been in summer rather than one week before Christmas more would have gone along. I used to love them being there.

YANBU - big children will spoil the atmosphere for the littlies and will feel uncomfortable and out of place. it will end in tears.

why on earth would big children spoil the atmosphere for the little ones? if anything lots of little children LIKE having bigger children around they want to be like them and are desperate to join in and play with them.

and 9 isnt that big! my 9yr old is GREAT with little ones, very gentle and kind and plays nicely with them, lets them 'win' if they are playing games etc, most 9 yr olds enjoy feeling a bit grown up and responsible if you give them some things to help with etc.

be kind, yabu, a bit

I'd have them around and get them to help-give them jobs. They will like it.