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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to show 5 YO pics of burns victims

68 replies

lola88 · 20/04/2012 13:27

My 5 YO DN tried to put her hand in boiling water the other day to fish out a dummy i had just put in to clean for my DS i told her that she would burn herself and not to do it, her response was i don't mind i like hot water it's fine to put my hand in. I explained that boiling water is not like having a hot bath it will hurt you very badly so it was not a good idea to go putting your hands in it or anything hot like kettle cooker sterliser but she said it is a good idea because she will do it quick and it won't hurt.

Obviously i was very worried she's goin to start touching hot things so i asked if she would like to see a picture of someone who has burned thier hand badly she said yes so i googled showed her and she agreed no it was not a good idea and she won't do it all sorted. Now my mum has told me i should never have shown her these pictures as they might have scared her but that was sort of the point to show her how badly she could be hurt.

AIBU in showing her theses should i just have explained and left it there.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/04/2012 13:29

I would have explained it firmly and not shown her the pics.

At the end of the day, if only because I wouldn't fancy the next goodness knows how many years having to 'prove' everything to my kids when I tell them not to do something.

Original poster
lola88 · 20/04/2012 13:31

just to add i showed her a burn that was blistered now a badly burned one one you would get from touching the bar on a fire.

OP posts:
ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 20/04/2012 13:36

YANBU, scare tactics worked for those of us at school in the 70s/80s, there was a thread recently about those public information films, bet none of us ever picked up a sparkler or messed about on escalators. Do what you have to to keep her safe and uninjured.

mummakaz · 20/04/2012 13:37

Your dn sounded very keen on putting her hand in the water so yes I think I would have shown the pictures too YANBU

bobbledunk · 20/04/2012 13:38

yanbu, better for her to see them and be scared (which I doubt, children are rarely as wimpy as adults think they are) than suffer the physical agony of a serious burn and be scarred for lifeSmile

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 13:42

YABVU

Young children have no real understanding/awareness of scars and what makes soemone different. They do not empathise in this way. Explaining 'it would really really really hurt' would be far more effective.

I am sayign this as a mother of a seriously burned daughter. I would hate to think that someone would use a picture of my daughter to make a point. I came across a website developed by teenage burns victims the other day. One girl has someone say to their child in her presence 'that's what happens if you play with matches'

Birdsgottafly · 20/04/2012 14:22

Five year olds so have an awareness of scars left by injuries.

It is around this age when little boys (in particular) love to show off their scars and children understand putting on cream/plasters.

I think that in the DN's case,she sounds like a very head strong girl and this was perhaps needed.

It should only be done in circumstances that the child can control(playing with fire/hot water) and as minimal as possible, though.

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 14:31

My older children (4 and 7) do not have an appreciation of what my daughter has been through because of her scars.

They are 'proud' of their own scars but have no awareness that DDs extensive scarring equates to a life threatening episode.

They do empathise over the level of medical intervention she still needs.

I see children daily and the way that they talk/interact with my daughter. They do not equate here scarring to pain and injury. If I tell them she nearly died and had to spend 2 months in hospital - with needles being stuck into her. This means more to them

Birdsgottafly · 20/04/2012 14:47

The OP's aim was to teach the child to understand that hot water equals injury and used a picture to make the point, which 5 year olds can understand, in terms of themself, that is if an explanation is given alongside.

Children can make simple connections, but until they are older they don't think beyond their own world/experience.

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 15:19

And I'm explaining how I have seen young children react to my daughter's injuries

WorraLiberty · 20/04/2012 15:21

Yes but this is someone else's child

If anyone were to decide to do this, it should have been the child's parents.

2shoes · 20/04/2012 15:22

sorry you showed your niece these pictures?

worldgonecrazy · 20/04/2012 15:34

YANBU. You do what you have to do to help stop your child being injured.

Bulletproof I am so sorry that your daughter has gone through this. Would you not get some comfort that pictures might prevent another child from going through the same thing?

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 15:36

The age is the key thing here - an older child may understand the connection. I do not believe a 5 yo does

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 15:38

The OP also shouldn't have scalding hot water reachable and visible with a dummy in it with a child near that is too young to understand the danger

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 15:38

Third point - THIS WASN'T HER CHILD

AutumnSummers · 20/04/2012 15:42

Not something you should have done with your niece. My friend did this with her own daughter and i probably would do it with my kids (I actually have burns pics of DD from an accident she had at my Mums years ago so I would use those.)

But NEVER would I do it with another person's child.

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 15:43

I'm on a roll now... :)

Would you show a gory picture of a car crach victim to a 5 yo? A stab wound?

AutumnSummers · 20/04/2012 15:45

Not the same thing bullet. My 5 year old wouldn't be driving a car any time soon so I why would I need to scare her into being safe with one? Same applies with knives.

2shoes · 20/04/2012 15:48

so the OP did this too someone elses child........WTF

AutumnSummers · 20/04/2012 15:48

FWIW if I caught her being unsafe with a knife then I might find some pictures of knife wounds to show her. It would be educational for her safety. You learn by seeing, not by being lectured.

Thumbwitch · 20/04/2012 15:48

I have shown DS pictures of rotten teeth to explain why he has to have his cleaned daily.
I'm sure I have shown him other pictures of undesirable outcomes; but pretty sure I've not shown him any burns victims or anything too scary/gory. Spider bites, yes; snake bites, yes; but not disfiguring injuries.

He's 4 - so far he's taken on board the implications (or appears to have, anyway).

I wouldn't do it with another child unless I was in a teaching position for that child.

beautifulwho · 20/04/2012 15:49

Why was a 5yo near boiling water? What happened to just saying 'keep away it's hot', my 2 year old knows this. V weird thing to do OP, your responsibility to keep her safe IMO Hmm

sixlostmonkeys · 20/04/2012 15:50

Things like this and also road safety can be dealt with differently. The police actually say that a child under the age 8 has no comprehension of being hurt, dying etc etc. What they do understand is what it's like when Mum (or in this case; Auntie) gets cross.
Therefor it works if you tell the child if they do x y or z you will be very cross with them (say it like you mean it!) You can explain the whys (I believe you should use every opportunity to teach) but don't expect the child 'understand' the consequences. Just expect them to understand that you will be very very cross.

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 15:52

Autumn - it is the same. Cars are the biggest danger to children and they don't need to be driving one to be injured by it. Kitchens are full of knives.

I find the thoguht of showing gory pictures to a young child horrifying.

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