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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to show 5 YO pics of burns victims

68 replies

lola88 · 20/04/2012 13:27

My 5 YO DN tried to put her hand in boiling water the other day to fish out a dummy i had just put in to clean for my DS i told her that she would burn herself and not to do it, her response was i don't mind i like hot water it's fine to put my hand in. I explained that boiling water is not like having a hot bath it will hurt you very badly so it was not a good idea to go putting your hands in it or anything hot like kettle cooker sterliser but she said it is a good idea because she will do it quick and it won't hurt.

Obviously i was very worried she's goin to start touching hot things so i asked if she would like to see a picture of someone who has burned thier hand badly she said yes so i googled showed her and she agreed no it was not a good idea and she won't do it all sorted. Now my mum has told me i should never have shown her these pictures as they might have scared her but that was sort of the point to show her how badly she could be hurt.

AIBU in showing her theses should i just have explained and left it there.

OP posts:

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 16:42

Tazzle - pain is something (IMO) kids understand, a picture is not.

FrothyDragon · 20/04/2012 16:46

I'm sorry, but I think YABU.

I was four when a social worker showed my mother pictures of the child she was in the process of adopting; he'd been severely abused, black and blue all over (he later became my brother, so happy ending, there) My mother hadn't been able to prepare me for the images, hadn't expected the SW to show them in front of me. My mums never said how it affected me at the time, and tbh, I don't remember the incident, but she's said it had a really bad effect on me for few weeks afterwards.

Secondly, why was the boiling water in your DN's reach? I have no problem keeping boiling water out of DS's reach (he's a tall 4yo)

crashdoll · 20/04/2012 17:05

YABU. She's your niece and it's not your place to do so.

TheSockPuppet · 20/04/2012 17:12

Yabu, she isn't your child so I don't think it was your call to make, I can see why her mum was cross. You could have still kept her away from the boiling water without showing her those pictures.

RuleBritannia · 20/04/2012 17:32

Yes, show her the pictures but the drawback is that a picture will not show 'pain'.

Original poster

lola88 · 20/04/2012 18:12

JUST TO TELL EVERYONE WHO SAID IT'S NOT MY CHILD I HAVE NO RIGHT - i checked with her mum my sister first she said ok. It's my mum that has the problem not DN mum.

She didn't have access to the boiling water alone i was there to stop her but there are cups of tea kettles cookers around everyones house and at 5 she is not watched every second of every day so it is possible she might try if she has it in her head to do it. The cup was on the worktop with me standing next to it she could not have reached it the point was she tried then was determined to show me it wouldn't be sore.

The picture worked better than explaining to her it would hurt as she was thinking along the lines of bath hot and couldn't understand why i was making a big deal she has a clear understanding of pain and what it looks like she's 5 she know what sore is and it's not nice

OP posts:

yousankmybattleship · 20/04/2012 18:17

So, just to clarify OP. You asked if you were being unreasonable, quite a few people suggested that you were so you're back on here telling us that you were , in fact, completely right and your actions otoally justified. Okey dokey! So why the post in the first place?

Original poster

lola88 · 20/04/2012 18:23

well obviously i think i was reasonable why would i do something i thought was wrong? I'm asking what other people think.

I explained DNs mum was ok with it, where the cup was and how she could have the chance to decided to test her it won't hurt theory again, and also stating the fact that the picture worked where words and warnings did not.

OP posts:

yousankmybattleship · 20/04/2012 18:30

Ok. I still think you were unreasonable. There should never have been an opportunity for her to put her hand into boiling water in the first place and showing her pictures of burns at her age is inappropriate. She still will not understand what it feels like to hurt yourself like that and will have some unpleasant images in her head that she doesn't need.

FrothyDragon · 20/04/2012 18:33

Still think YABU. Sorry.

AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 19:03

I think you have a very poor understanding of what is age-appropriate for children, OP

and so does your sister

how do you know the picture "worked" btw ?

because your DN was distressed by it, when she wasn't distressed by a simple telling-off ?

keep boiling water away from a 5yo

that's how you do it with a 5yo

MamaMaiasaura · 20/04/2012 19:09

What anyfucket said. (love that name)

However, I have shown my ds1 (12 years) news stories with picture of the gorgeous 3 year old who died by gettig caught up on blind cord and I showed dh too. This was because they both didn't wind up and secure blind cords and rather than nagging them, I felt it better they read up why I so insistent it has to be done. I woulda show ds2 tho as he is 4.

Is t bad that when we see road kill Ive said on occassion that a vehicle has done that, and that roads are dangerous and can make you dead to ds2

Aribura · 20/04/2012 20:22

Oh give up BulletProofMum YABU.

OP YANBU because she seemed keen on doing it and didn't understand the consequences of what would happen until she had it shown.

maddening · 20/04/2012 21:04

I do think 4yo there is a massive developmental leap from a child psychology pov - as far as I remember they start to understand past and future, time, alive and dead etc maybe not as in depth as a 6yo but definitely there is an ability to understand consequence in at least a basic term.

I think what is appropriate depends on the child as obviously they vary - but your niece was able to rationalise the reason that she felt it would not hurt so possibly she is mature enough to understand if not fully grasp - and if the picture is not too gory then possibly yanbu.

BulletProofMum · 20/04/2012 21:08

An unnecessarily sarcastic post arlbura, I was hardly alone in thinking this was unreasonable. I just have a little more direct experience with young children's reaction to burns

pinklavender · 20/04/2012 22:43

Some children very stubborn and curious, sometimes they need to see clearly picture of what can happened before it happen to them. My friend's daughter never listen to whatever her mum told her not to do dangerous things. She always ended up hurting herself by doing it anyway! It might scare them but if it keep them safe, it would probably worth it.

artydeb · 20/04/2012 23:02

YANBU You make a fair point that there are multiple opportunities for children to access hot liquids - tea etc, and you DN now has an understanding of the consequences. My own DC know another DC who was scalded so have seen the consequences and are aware of the dangers. I did a similar thing when my DS didn't heed warnings not to keep jumping about around the dog and she gave him a 'warning nip' - I explained AGAIN why he shouldn't, why it scares her and her instinct to nip at a perceived danger - and showed him a pic of a child with a stitched wound from a dog bite. It worked.

Pumpster · 20/04/2012 23:04

Yanbu, I still won't fly a kite near a pylon.

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