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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

5 1/2 year old in a buggy?

29 replies

twilight3 · 19/04/2012 20:16

I'm asking for opinions on this, my foster daughter is 5 1/2, the school we put her in is about 2 1/2 miles away. It can be a nightmare to get there and back as it is, but my car bit the dust during the holidays and now I can't drive her there. I don't mind walking, it's a nice walk, but it's obviously a very long walk for such a small child, plus I'm also caring for her 4y.o. brother.

I have a bike trailer which turns into a double buggy, so it suits me perfectly, I only have to do the pick up anyway.

I have thought of taxis but it would be very expensive, plus it is I think a bit insensitive for a fostered child to go home in a taxi when there is another way.

FD actually loves the trailer, she's looking forward to get in it, calls it "the ninky nonk" and was telling me today how pleased she is that the car broke down.
We're hoping to have moved closer to the school by next term in Sept., but I won't be able to get another car for 5 or 6 weeks.

Let me tell you also that FD has selective mutism and has not yet spoken to her teachers or all her classmates. One of the other mums saw us today and said "oh, a 5 yo in a buggy, isn't that a bit precious? Maybe that's why she won't speak to anyone, she thinks she's a baby". I was left looking at her with my jaw wide open. Thankfully FD and FS were playing loudly in the trailer and didn't hear a thing, but... how cruel can people be?

Now, do you think IBU putting in the trailer and walking to school? WIBU to say something to the other mum next time I see her?

OP posts:
AberdeenAgnes · 19/04/2012 20:18

YANBU but the other Mum is!!

I've seen plenty of children in these things, don't think of them as buggies at all.

claudedebussy · 19/04/2012 20:22

i would do it.

and i would probably feel a strong urge to slap that woman.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/04/2012 20:22

What a horrible bitch! Not you, obviously. I am sometimes guilty of a Hmm face about older children in buggies but in this case it sounds like you have done your thinking and it is right for you. Also, the Ninky Nonk thing made me smile so YANBU.

tinymouse · 19/04/2012 20:24

i think you shold pull the other mum up, thats really really rude of her to say that

Original poster
twilight3 · 19/04/2012 20:26

I don't know how to approach her or what to say, I'm the goddess of pleasant conversation and making everyone happy, but I'm really bad with controversy. What do you say? "oi, you! why did you say that yesterday?"

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 19/04/2012 20:27

How rude! Shock

Sirzy · 19/04/2012 20:27

The other mum is a bitch.

I wouldn't class what you have described as a buggy anyway. As much as I am all for children walking to school I think it would be unrealistic to expect 2 young children to walk 2.5 miles every day anyway!

NatashaBee · 19/04/2012 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puds11 · 19/04/2012 20:29

Jeez some people are so bloody rude! Whats it to her? Shes you FD you do what you like.

BagofHolly · 19/04/2012 20:29

Trailers are Supercool!!! And that other mother can nob right off. Take comfort from the fact that she's jealous you have one, is intimidated that you're together enough to foster, and is clearly friendless with a gob on her like that. Daft cow.

Original poster
twilight3 · 19/04/2012 20:31

Natasha, thanks for the suggestion, I don't knwo if she knows the situation but I feel I shouldn't have to explain. If she wants to come to mumsnet and say 'precious bitch puts a y.o.1 in a buggy for the school run" it's none of my business, but you can't just say such things to people's faces and most importantly with children present. Imagine how it would have affected FD if she had heard her.

Maybe if I tell her to get off her parenting high horse and have some faith that other people think things through as well...

OP posts:
Taffeta · 19/04/2012 20:32

I think a "Did you mean to be so rude?" is called for.

Some people sadly are judgmental ignoramuses ( ignorami? Confused )

Sirzy · 19/04/2012 20:32

I probably wouldn't say anything to the mother this time BUT I would have a quiet word with the class teacher just incase her child heard the comments and starts repeating them in school - the teacher will know and be able to pay extra attention.

BagofHolly · 19/04/2012 20:32

Twilight3, if you HAD to speak to this other mother, you could ask for the ways in which SHE handled looked-after children with elective mutism. HmmI'm dead annoyed on your behalf.

schmee · 19/04/2012 20:33

She sounds like a complete cow. Big ignore. Clearly very ignorant also. Has anything been said to the other parents btw to help them to understand the selective mutism?

Original poster
twilight3 · 19/04/2012 20:33

thanks ladies, I feel a bit more confident now about it all..

OP posts:
ReallyTired · 19/04/2012 20:33

Its no different to a car. Two and half miles is a long way to expect two small children to walk. I doult that many adults would think of nothing of hopping into the car for such a distance.

If you didn't use your bike you would be faced with a 10 mile walk each day and be able to get nothing much else done.

Original poster
twilight3 · 19/04/2012 20:40

I don't use my bike Really, can't pull the trailer with it, only my husband can do that. I only do the pick up, so it's a 5 mile walk, I quite enjoy it, especially on nice days (that I hope will come).

It did make me think though about the whole judgement on the street thing, I have done it too, not so much since I had children...

I don't think the other parents have been talked to, but the children seem to be so nice and accepting, she does communicate, just not verbally yet. And children seem to be fine with it, they simply know FD doesn't talk like it is one of her characteristics.

OP posts:
Original poster
twilight3 · 19/04/2012 20:41

good idea about talking to the teacher, will do that tomorrow

OP posts:
SunflowersSmile · 19/04/2012 20:42

Don't explain. Interfering, judging woman. Hard stares...
However, I agree a quiet word to the teacher just in case judgy mouth gets more vocal and children hear. [Maybe accidentally dob her in for good measure so she can get 'looks' from the teacher!!].

Mother2many · 20/04/2012 15:03

I prob. would of spit back saying, "you walk over 2 miles with them, and see how fun that is!!"

I admit...if I saw you, I'd prob. wonder as well, but I sure wouldn't say anything!

What bugs me is when you see a 7-8 yr old sitting in the shopping cart!!!! Shock

IAmBooyhoo · 20/04/2012 15:14

i have seen the kind of trailer/buggy you mean and they dont look like buggys to me so i wouldn't Hmm at seeing a 5.5 year old in one at all. tbh i dont Hmm at seeing chidlren of any age in proper buggies because a) it is none of my business b) me Hmming at people wont make the child suddenly stop needing to use it and c) there could be any number of a hundred reasons why they need to use it that i am not entitled nor do i need to know.

Dawndonna · 20/04/2012 15:17

Just tell her that the diagnosis was absolutely right, selective mutism means she chooses not to talk to rude old bags people hanging around outside school

porcamiseria · 20/04/2012 15:20

vile bitchy woman
UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

def say something

pumpkinsweetie · 20/04/2012 15:22

What a rude obnoxious bitch of a woman, you should have put her straight & said
"no biatch it aint a buggy it is actually a trailer but was business is it of yours even if it was a buggy?"
Just ignore this ignorant woman next time.
People are so judgemental these days, my 3.5 year still ventures out in the buggy when i go for a long walk and the stares i get are just ridiculous!-i just glare back & then roll my eyes Grin