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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to abstain from sex until he has shaved that unattractive beard off?

75 replies

Boomerwang · 19/04/2012 16:39

I'm tired of mentioning it once a day. He's tired of hearing me say it once a day. I do not nag about it. At least I don't think once a day is nagging.

His beard is unacceptable, imo. When he shaves he looks lovely. When it's grown, he looks old and chubby round the chops. I don't like being scratched when he kisses me, and frankly I don't want it anywhere near our baby, although I've fallen short of actually saying so.

In the past, I've half jokingly said I won't have sex with him any more unless he keeps his beard trimmed. I do my share of hair removal, he should do his.

WIBU to go through with my threat and refuse sex next time he's feeling amorous?

OP posts:
BustersOfDoom · 20/04/2012 22:15

As others have said there would be uproar if someone posted on here that their DH wouldn't have sex because their hair was too long/short/the wrong colour or if they were too fat/thin or didn't wear make up.

And saying that having a beard is unacceptable and you don't want him anywhere near the baby makes you sound very controlling. And a bit of a freak to be honest.

MrMiyagi · 20/04/2012 23:20

Giving off daily isn't nagging, and sex is an acceptable weapon? Lucky fella

Original poster
Boomerwang · 21/04/2012 00:26

A bit of a freak lol...

The picture on my profile is of a very weak, tiny beard. I don't mind that. What he has now is (deletes inappropriate comparisons) very long and bushy.

I would give the hair growth a go myself, but he doesn't care. That bothers me, actually. It means he doesn't give a damn how I look, I'm just a good shag when he's in the mood because I'm willing and available. That's how I see it. Not that he loves me no matter what I look like.

My ex didn't ostracise me for going a few days without shaving, but he sure made it obvious he was pleased when I made an effort.

The most I get from dp is that when I bother to straighten my hair he says he likes it.

So, if withholding sex is a step too far, and yet I still have a dislike of beards, what do you think I should do?

Don't say suck it up, please.

OP posts:
iloveACK · 21/04/2012 00:49

Sorry all, but I still think its different to putting on weight or being disfigured as its a choice. If I knew my DP didn't like something there is no way id do it deliberately & would be extremely upset if he did it either! No beards, no way!! Grin

Aribura · 21/04/2012 01:40

Beard doesn't just magically sprout up, neither does being fat. Either way, I don't see the big difference. But if it bothers you, then, a woman complaining about her husband won't have sex with her unless she dies her hair. There would be cries all over of "LEAVE THE BASTARD".

Aribura · 21/04/2012 01:41

*dyes

ninah · 21/04/2012 01:45

yabu. sex is not barter

knowitallstrikesagain · 21/04/2012 14:27

So, if withholding sex is a step too far, and yet I still have a dislike of beards, what do you think I should do?

Well, if he wants to keep his beard and you won't ever have sex with him again because of it, it sounds like the relationship is over.

I would give the hair growth a go myself, but he doesn't care. That bothers me, actually. It means he doesn't give a damn how I look, I'm just a good shag when he's in the mood because I'm willing and available. That's how I see it. Not that he loves me no matter what I look like.

It sounds like he is damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. Either he lets you do what you want because he 'doesn't care' (or because he respects your choice and it is not as important to him what you look like as who you actually are?) or he hassles you when you change something in which case he is controlling.

What started off sounding like a bit of a joke sounds a bit more serious now. If you really think he only sees you as a shag, why are you with him?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 21/04/2012 16:53

my gorgeous and sexy DH had a goatee beard (think David essex as he is now) when I met him and one day I remarked I had never seen his face without, on my 40th birthday he shaved it off and .... I didn't notice!! Shock when I realised I decided he looked wrong without it and its been back since Grin In my defense he spent a day at his desk with his PA saying are you well today Mr Eccles? you look a bit pale etc etc all day until she realised why he looked different, no one else in the office notced either although some looked at him all Hmm something different but buggered if I know what. arf

Original poster
Boomerwang · 22/04/2012 00:33

Next time the dog has a trim I shall make a big fuss of her. See if that makes him jealous.

OP posts:
ravenAK · 22/04/2012 00:42

I've been withholding kisses for 6 years & counting...unless I'm quite drunk.

Can't stand dh's beard: it looks OK, but I absolutely hate the way it feels against my face. Ugh ugh ugh Sad. Also, he twiddles it.

Sorry OP, but unless your dp is less bloody minded than mine, good luck with that one...

Mia4 · 22/04/2012 00:51

Lol, well BU it's your choice or not but beware it can work the other way around. I wouldn't want to be gagging for it and the hubby say 'he won't put out' until i shave my legs each time! Once a day is nagging though I'm afraid, I get once a day reminders at work for the same things (which always get done yet not until i'm in) and it's pestering, makes me stubborn and likely to leave it last on the list.

You say you maintain but does he insist on it? Or is it all your choice, just for you and he wouldn't care? If it's the former and he dislikes stray hairs on you then yeah, you have every right to demand back. However bith of you have and had every right to refuse the other. In this case, you could do turnabout and not maintain. If he doesn't care and it's for you then you have no leg to stand on regarding it, you chose it, not him.

FYI, the prickly, get him to condition it with cheap conditioner-helps loads.

Hopefullyrecovering · 22/04/2012 00:53

I refused to date DH until he shaved his moustache off. If he'd had a beard the whole thing would have been a non-starter.

OP, YANBU. Leave the bastard.

Mia4 · 22/04/2012 00:54

Reading your update this sounds less about the beard and more to do with romance and sparking the relationship. You are narked he doesn't notice your shaving, maintain to much while your ex (who is an ex for a reason) did. You are also annoyed because you want him to put in more of an effort. That screams 'RUT' to me, as in stuck in one. Especially with being upset because he doesn't judge you on your looks, that's just plain weird since most people would want their lover to want them regardless- hence why you sound like you're in a rut, wanting more notice to be taken and given and therefore more appreciation.

ComposHat · 22/04/2012 01:22

I will give MrsComposhat the same ultimatum - until you get rid of that straggly beard there's no how's your father; and see how she responds.

I will also take bets on how many shades of shite she will kick out of me.

MissPricklePants · 22/04/2012 01:48

yabu!! I love men with beards!!

Original poster
Boomerwang · 22/04/2012 21:40

Well this all seems rather moot now since he hasn't given me the come on for a week now...

Do you think it's because of my smelly pits?

OP posts:
TiggyD · 22/04/2012 21:41

We should all boycott having sex with Mr Boomerwang until he shaves.

Hopefullyrecovering · 22/04/2012 22:41

Alright. I too, pledge not to have sex with Mr Boomerwang until he shaves.

TiggyD · 22/04/2012 22:58

Who else is with us?

Original poster
Boomerwang · 22/04/2012 23:43

Christ I thought it was only the cat getting his needs met at other people's houses

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 22/04/2012 23:52

Beards no, can't stand them, but a bit if stubble, yes please. It makes certain things more pleasurable Blush

Original poster
Boomerwang · 24/04/2012 15:07

What's that then? Our nookie consists of him smooching near my ear and asking if I want to fuck. He thinks he's being dirty.

OP posts:
Debsbear · 24/04/2012 15:13

Been there and done that. My DH grows a beard whenever we are off on rugby tour (part of the fancy dress) and he has had to come to terms with the fact that there is NO hanky panky until he gets back and it's gone! YA definitely NBU. Facial hair really is a nono in my book [gags]

Original poster
Boomerwang · 27/04/2012 03:47

Well tonight he came home feeling amorous. I thought... right this is my chance! Then he kissed my neck and I melted all over the place :(

We shagged on the table, my ergonomic desk chair and in the kitchen.

And guess what?

Afterwards he said 'hmm time I had a shave'

........!

OP posts:
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