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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to abstain from sex until he has shaved that unattractive beard off?

75 replies

Boomerwang · 19/04/2012 16:39

I'm tired of mentioning it once a day. He's tired of hearing me say it once a day. I do not nag about it. At least I don't think once a day is nagging.

His beard is unacceptable, imo. When he shaves he looks lovely. When it's grown, he looks old and chubby round the chops. I don't like being scratched when he kisses me, and frankly I don't want it anywhere near our baby, although I've fallen short of actually saying so.

In the past, I've half jokingly said I won't have sex with him any more unless he keeps his beard trimmed. I do my share of hair removal, he should do his.

WIBU to go through with my threat and refuse sex next time he's feeling amorous?

OP posts:
MrsShitty · 20/04/2012 13:16

Yanbu. MY DH grew a beard a few months ago for a part (actor) and the play is over but he has kept it! I have told him how horrid I find it but he likes it. Sad

Bluegrass · 20/04/2012 13:19

What could possibly be wrong about using the withholding of sex as a way to control your partner's appearance?

WorraLiberty · 20/04/2012 13:19

Why don't you grow an afro downstairs?

If he complains, tell him you thought hedgehogs like to live in bushes Grin

MsOnatopp · 20/04/2012 13:21

If this was a guy saying this you'd all go mad

whomovedmychocolate · 20/04/2012 13:21

Swear blind you saw something move in it and scratch compulsively Grin

pumpkinsweetie · 20/04/2012 13:26

Grow your leg and armpit hairs as punishment Grin

WorraLiberty · 20/04/2012 13:26

To be fair MsOnatopp

If a guy came here and said he didn't like the beard his wife was growing, my advice would be the same Grin

knowitallstrikesagain · 20/04/2012 13:26

In a lighthearted, relaxed way and on the understanding you are joking, YANBU.

On a serious note, if you got a new haircut you liked but he didn't and he refused you sex til you had grown it out, you would not be best pleased. Therefore YABU.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 20/04/2012 13:27

Beards are grim, YANBU.

CailinDana · 20/04/2012 13:34

YABU.

DH has a beard and even though at times it annoys me I would never tell him to shave as it's nasty and controlling.

BTW I don't shave either, and he has never complained about that.

thebody · 20/04/2012 13:35

My oldest ds has grown a beard at uni and I bloody hate it.

Though obviously I have no such penalty to threaten with.

iloveACK · 20/04/2012 13:38

For those saying it's wrong to withhold sex, how can you have sex with someone you are not physically attracted to? That would be my issue with it, hence saying it's not a punishment as such, but simply something I couldn't do!

MsOnatopp · 20/04/2012 13:43

ilove, not AS physically attracted sure but just outright not?? Erm... why are you with your man?

Men have said similar things to posters on here about their hair/ body hair and there has been uproar.

CailinDana · 20/04/2012 13:43

Ilove - what if you gained weight and your DP decided he wasn't attracted to you because of that? Would you say "oh fair enough, sorry I repulse you, I'll do something about that," or would you feel pretty darn shit about it? I'm attracted to DH because of the person he is as well as his looks. If his looks change it might take me time to come to terms with it, but I wouldn't demand he change to suit me, it's not my position to dictate his appearance to suit my preferences.

noinspiration · 20/04/2012 13:56

I don't get the whole with holding sex thing. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't that mean you don't get any sex either? I'd rather tolerate the beard tbh.

knowitallstrikesagain · 20/04/2012 14:02

ilove, I think that there comes a point where you love a DP for more than looks. I like to think that if I had an accident that resulted in facial burns or scarring, that DP would still find me attractive as an overall package.

It is very simplistic to say that you cannot sleep with someone you don't find attractive. It is more of a control thing, get rid of the beard or no sex, same as it would be if OP started to go grey and DP said, dye your hair you old hag or no sex. Ridiculous.

DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence · 20/04/2012 14:05

I think a big old hairy, beardy man can be quite sexy actually.

YABU to withhold sex. Especially when theres poor buggers like me going without .

MadameChinLegs · 20/04/2012 14:06

I cant bear when dh lets his stubble overgrow. Never mind what it looks like, it bliidy hurts my face when we kiss. I always comment if he kisses me with scratchy beard and we end up not havimg sex those times because kissing is a part of it and I couldnt have sex without kissing but it would really hurt my face.

On the otherhand, when he has a beard or moustache (only for Movember) ita smooth and not at all scratchy but very very unattractive. I know the year before last when he was doing Movember we barely (if at all) slept together because I just could not get away with anything more than a peck type kiss due to the yuckiness of the tache. It was one of those long ones that go down either side like some sort of american 90s detective. Last year I was due mid december and he did Movember again and I said he would not be welcome in the delivery suite with a tache like the one from the previous year as it was ghastly and would distract me. Plus I wanted the birth to be.memorable for good reasons. He grew a full beard instead but promised to shave it off if I went into labour in Nov.

SillyBeardyDaddyman · 20/04/2012 15:43

Being bald I like to use my beard as a way of expressing myself. I used to dye my hair possibly why before it fell out and now I use different beard styles. I find that as long as I wash, condition and comb it, I don't have any issues with food/scratching/lice and it keeps me warm!

LadyofWinterfell · 20/04/2012 15:55

DH shaved a couple of weeks ago cos i complained it felt like he was sandpapering me! :o I don't do men with facial hair.

mayorquimby · 20/04/2012 16:18

sounds like you're doing him a favour. he gets to keep his beard and doesn't have to have sex with a nagging pita.

AnnaFender · 20/04/2012 16:42

You are all mad! I love DH's beard and find him less sexy when he shaves it off. I love love love beards!!

valiumredhead · 20/04/2012 16:45

Me too anna - I love the holidays when dh doesn't have to shave for work. Phwooooooar!

Aribura · 20/04/2012 21:13

Now post "WIBU to abstain from sex until my wife loses weight" and compare the results.

DartsAgain · 20/04/2012 21:42

"A shave is the least I expect of him"

Not your call. He has the right to what ever hair style he wants without you trying to dictate. After all, he doesn't get to dictate your hairstyle (on whatever part of the body that may be).

And once a day is nagging.

My DP tries variations on beards/without beards, and I have never tried to tell him what he can/cannot do.