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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to NOT insist that DD withdraws from a school trip to take part in a play?

62 replies

Trix2323 · 19/04/2012 09:43

I received a call from the school's drama department earlier today, asking me whether I could reconsider DD's participation in a school trip because a drama production that she is involved in is scheduled to take place the same weekend as the school trip.

The dates of the school trip were fixed long ago, and DD (15) has been looking forward to it as it will be with all five of her little group of best friends.

The dates for the play - for which she was invited to take the role of leading lady - were not fixed in advance, but were always due to take place "some time during the Summer Term".

DD says that if she had known that being in the play would prevent her from going on the trip, she would not have accepted the part.

The school say that they would really like the play to take place this academic year, and that if it does not take place that particular weekend, it cannot happen until September. They say that that they would really like DD to reconsider whether she would cancel going on the school trip, and would like me to work on her to change her mind.

Am I being unreasonable to NOT insist that DD withdraws from the trip? Or should I persude her that, for the greater good of the school, the drama department, etc. she should put herself second?

WWYD?

OP posts:
hattifattner · 19/04/2012 14:55

char of governors should of course read Chair. ALtho I quite like Char, as an apt description....

MaryBS · 19/04/2012 14:56

YANBU, the school is outrageous in continuing to push this on you and your DD. Its not her fault this is the only w/e they can do it - maybe they should reconsider some of their other commitments if this is a problem!

ifherbumwereabungalow · 19/04/2012 14:57

It seems a bit strange that they are planning to have the play performed at a weekend, surely they could put it on a weeknight? I don't remember any of our school productions being on a Saturday or Sunday...

IDontWannaBeAStupidGirl · 19/04/2012 15:00

We have had this with a school trip and a subsequent sports engagement.

PE departments can be equally as tunnel visioned as drama departements, except that in DD's case, the pressure was all directly on her and at school, and I only found out because DD was so upset, and on the point of giving in, which she didn't want to do.

One phone call though, and the PE teacher rolled over like a pussy cat.

Debsbear · 19/04/2012 15:03

I'd refuse to allow her to take part in the play now as the drama department will no doubt be piling the pressure on. The trip should definitely take precedence, esp. as that is her preference. I'm struggling with the fact that the school would even ask this.

diddl · 19/04/2012 15:04

Is she the only one that this affects?

If she wouldn´t have taken the part had she known, then perhaps best if the part gets passed on to someone more bothered?

DartsAgain · 19/04/2012 15:45

diddl seems the drama department don't want to have someone else taking the part now, as they done a lot of work with OP's DD, if I'm reading an earlier post right.

OP let your DD go on the trip if that's her choice, and ask her to tell you if she faces any pressure from the drama department. It won't be "gentle persuasion", of that you can be sure. If any "persuasion" rears it's head I would certainly go and complain to the school. The drama department should have planned things better.

DartsAgain · 19/04/2012 15:46

sorry, that should be "they've done"

thisisyesterday · 19/04/2012 15:54

yanbu

she should get to decide.

the drama dept must have known there was a trip that week. poor planning and tough lukc. i am sure someone else will be more than happy to take her part

diddl · 19/04/2012 15:57

"as they done a lot of work with OP's DD, if I'm reading an earlier post right. "

True-hadn´t looked at it that way.

Well then if they want her that badly they will find a way!

Chilenachica · 19/04/2012 15:58

I have a mantra for when my DDs get stressed about similar things

the school should organise the school's schedule

I mean, schools are staffed by adults, those adults are supposed to be educated, so surely they should be able to communicate - an essential skill when making plans.

I would let DD choose, without pressure, which activity she wants to do. Bearing in mind the trip is the prior engagement.

mumeeee · 19/04/2012 16:07

YANBU but the Drama department is being very unreasonable. Have you paid for the school trip? If you have paid you probably wouldn't get the money back also the department that has arranged the trip will have sorted a lot of stuff out now.
Phone the Drama head back and tell them your DD is going on the trip and you don't want them to persuade her to cancel it. The Drama department have put their foot in it and they will have to rearrange or not have your DD.

JustHecate · 19/04/2012 16:31

I think you should be very firm with the drama dept. Point out they have always known when this trip is and have chosen to stage the play at the same time. That's their error and not something your daughter should have to miss out on the trip for.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 19/04/2012 16:49

You are going to tell them that you strongly object to the trying to 'gently persuade' her if you haven't done so already, aren't you?

Please say you are!

What are their reasons for it being that particular weekend? What is the reason that they cantchange it if they want her so much?mIf they were trying to gently persuade my dd, I'd want to know the reason why!

lunamoon · 19/04/2012 17:06

Your dd is old enough to make a chioce.
She has chosen the trip.
It is entirely the fault of the drama department, they should have set a date and then everyone knows where they stand.
My dd has been in local theatre productions.
Before auditioning, all participants are told of exact rehearsal dates and performance dates.
It clearly states that you should only audition if you can attend on those dates.
The school is bu.
On a lighter note your dd is clearly very talented if they don't want anyone else for the part!

Sarcalogos · 19/04/2012 17:14

I cannot believe the level of unproffesionalism from the drama teacher! Angry for your DD. if she IS as good as the drama teacher thinks she is, she desperately needs a better teacher!

The Drama teacher needs to change the date (and realise that, in future, professionals organise the date before the auditions...).

At this point I would phone back and demand to know (in detail) exactly why the play can't be moved. (I would lay money on it being something to do with convenience for the drama teacher).

JustHecate · 19/04/2012 17:20

My worry would be that 'gently persuade' actually means guilt trip the hell out of! and would consist of lots of "letting the team down" talk.

WilsonFrickett · 19/04/2012 17:26

Well that will teach them to have an understudy in place, won't it? What if she had been taken ill, for example?

Bad planning, and a touch of the drama queens going on in your drama department methinks. Poor DD, she's probably getting it from all sides.

MadamFolly · 19/04/2012 17:41

I'd ring the member of staff in charge of the trip and ask them to have a word with the head of drama about backing off.

Gef · 19/04/2012 17:49

Feel for you.

My eldest DD came home in tears a while ago having been yelled at by her drama teacher for missing a rehearsal while she was on a science dept trip, which involved an A level assessment and couldn't be missed.

Groovee · 19/04/2012 17:55

I'd take this higher up and complain to a line manager about how disorganised the drama dept are being and short sighted over a trip which was organised and paid towards before the date was set for the show.

blameitonthecaffeine · 19/04/2012 17:56

How odd for the school to arrange a trip and a production on the same weekend. Surely there are large numbers of children involved in both activities?

It's a tough one. If it were one of my daughters I'd want them to choose the play just because I'd rate it as a better experience.

I wouldnt force though and i dont think the school should either.

Is she likely to get stick from the rest of the cast if it is cancelled because of her?

TheBigJessie · 19/04/2012 18:01

Gentle Persuasion on a pupil, from teachers, to make up for their totally avoidable failure in communication and general lastminute-itis is Totally Unreasonable and Unacceptable.

blameitonthecaffeine · 19/04/2012 18:02

Wow, yanbu, the drama dept should have had their dates in before they even auditioned anyone. I'm a drama teacher and we don't accept excuses readily but that's because we publish all our dates includingrhearsals months in advance.

I think it would be unusual to have an understudy though. It's not fair to expect a school kid to do all that work probably for nothing. I had to dance in our last production myself due to illness!

blameitonthecaffeine · 19/04/2012 18:03

Thought my first response got eaten. Stupid ipad . Oh well, both opinions stand!

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