to go out and let my dp put dd to sleep, knowing she'll scream the house down :(

[mammainlove]

DC2 is due in a month. DD1 is 22m.o. and so far I've put her to sleep every night, by cuddling her. We co sleep too. I'm starting to panic a bit as I really want DP to take some of the responsibility+put DD to sleep sometimes, but I think we might have left it too late..

So we tried the other night,DP did the bedtime routine, I popped up to say goodnight, and when she realised I wasn't going to stay+cuddle her to sleep,daddy was, she started crying. This got worse until she was crying so much, she was making choking sounds and struggling to breath, wrestling DP to the door. I had to come and take over..

I was starting to think I can do it, put 2 children to bed, but I think it's going to make life very difficult for all of us. It has been suggested I go out in plenty of time before DP puts her to bed, so she knows I'm not there. I'm so nervous about doing this! It kills me inside when she cries like that. I feel so cruel! I don't know if to try this, or just try and do it all myself when DC2 arrives..

Advice anyone, please? X

I have no idea on the consecutive nights thing, only that they used to say 3 nights to make a habit 3 to break it. Take from that what you will. I have never cudlled any of mine to slerp as a regular thing, they have all self settled BUT I am normally the one here doing the bedtime routine and so both the boys have gone through having a cry and distress if daddy has done it. They have both been alot better if I have left the house so there is no other option. Goodluck

Hey Mamma, thanks for the thanks. Just one more thought that might help you to hand over to DP. It's a wonderful opportunity to let DP bond more closely with DD. Let them get on with it. And when DD gets over this "hump", you'll be able to take great pleasure in seeing them cuddling together happily, while you're able to do something else (maybe even something for yourself). Best of luck.

DD1 would have it the way you are doing it if she could - she WANTS to be cuddled to sleep. She is now 4.5.

When she turned 3, I changed things. "You're a big girl now" I said, "we have cuddles with stories and you go to sleep on your own." Then I applied Supernanny bedtime stuff. 3 nights later we were sorted - and we stayed sorted largely (blips caused by DP reverting to cuddling her to sleep).

So we are still getting lots of cuddles in, during and after books, but I really try hard to ensure she falls asleep on her own. We all benefit from this.

Now DD2 is nearly 1 - she really CAN scream the house down though she is getting better when I am out and DP goes it alone (she is still BF so it doesnt happen often)

Definitely go out, a) if you are not there you won't know what is going on, b) I bet you a fiver she settles for your dh, especially if you don't do the goodbye at the doorway to her room. Do it downstairs and let her see you walk out the door if you need to. She might be a bit upset but equally it must be quite upsetting for your dh to feel like he can't do anything to settle her so it will be good bonding time. Also I don't know what time she goes to be but I would try to leave an hour before hand if you can and say goodbye/goodnight then. Then it isn't immediately up to bed etc.

You do need to try and let someone else do it if you can face it, I only say this as what happens for when dc2 arrives? What if you aren't there at bedtime then? We definitely have the 3 day rule in our house and it has worked quite well.

Don't beat yourself up if you can't do it, but if you aren't in the house then the temptation to go up isn't there. Even if this means just going to the supermarket for this short period of time .

I am mean mummy and have always put mine to bed to settle on their own, this has purely been because my job involves evening work which meant that I had to get my head around them self settling or I couldn't go to work/stay at work. You may find also that with your dh doing this, that she will turn more to him when you have the baby, which at times might be helpful

Ahh, thx guys. poohbearshole - what do u mean by th 3 day rule?

It usually takes about 3 days to form a new habit sometimes a bit longer - was mentioned up the thread but generally has worked for us with "habits" which this sounds like she has formed. (A habit of you snuggling with her until she goes to sleep - she is likely to be able to fall asleep on her own she just hasn't had to - bit like thumb sucking and dummies habits can be altered and sometimes in 3 days )

Although if it only takes 3 days to break the habit of thumbsucking with dd it will be a bloody miracle !

I've found any sleep training I've done has taken 3 days - then as if by magic, change has happened

do not know about sleeping as DD always been good at self settling and goes to bed with either me or DH but I do agree with 3 day rule especially with stopping dummies, as a dentist advised on this several times and almost universal feedback was lots of hassle first night without some 2nd night barely any 3rd night and by 4th night no mention of it

by leaving DP to put her to bed DP confidence in this will grow too very useful for when DC2 arrives

I back up suggestions that you go out and say good bye downstairs and leave Dp to do bath stories and bed, even if you do not really need to leave that early

I would suggest DP puts her to bed twice a week, you may need to leave house first few times

your child has two parents and its important for daddies to put their dc to bed

as others have said your mistake was going to see if dd was ok - that was undermining dh and your dd now knows if she screams enough you will come in and take over

yes course it is hard to hear your dc cry but they are not alone and you need to sort this out now, esp as dc2 is due next month

either go out and tell dd this and let dh do the bedtime routine or ignore/wear earplugs and let dh do the night time routine

it may go well or you may have an entire night of screaming but if the latter then rem most habbits (bad) can be broken and sorted within 2 weeks often a lot less

you owe it to your dd to sort out now BEFORE baby comes or you will never manage it

good luck :)