To delete a friend from my life who repeatedly called me 'ugly'?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

I have known my friend for about 20 years, since we were in our mid teens. She's always been quite a jealous and bitter type of person but has got worse and worse with age.

A few years ago, I spent a lot of time with her, and we got on well most of the time. Our DCs are similar ages and they all got on well too. She would keep slipping into conversation though that she thought I was ugly, but in a passive aggressive way. Things like 'I don't think you're very pretty but you have a nice personality and that's what counts so don't think I don't think highly of you'. And another time someone said I looked like one of the Appleton sisters from All Saints, and my friend cackled and said 'No you don't look like her at all. She's pretty'. My confidence wasn't particularly high at the time, it hasn't really got much higher until the past couple of years, as I've had counselling, and have started to cut people out of my life that hurt me. I've always kept this friend in my life though, even though she lives in another town, as we've known each other for many years.

I think a lot of it is jealousy as she has often said she is jealous of my life, my house etc, and like I said she is a jealous person. However, through my counselling I've actually admitted to myself that actually I have spent all this time thinking I'm ugly because of what she said. She slowly ebbed away at my confidence at a time when I had low self esteem anyway. And I suppose I 'enabled' her behaviour by continuing to associate with her and spend time with her. I am actually starting to realise that I'm not ugly at all, and that really she is the ugly one for behaving as she does/did.

Anyway, as I said, she lives in another town but keeps coming back to my home town and wanting to meet up and I keep saying no and that I'm busy that day/evening, but I am seriously thinking of deleting her of facebook and having no further contact with her, and ignoring her calls and I really do see now that she did a lot of damage to my self esteem and I don't want to be associated with her in case she ever says anything again. She constantly comments on other peoples' FB pictures 'oh you're so gorgeous' and 'you're such a pretty girl' and that kind of thing so she is capable of giving compliments, I think she was jealous and wanted to bring me down, and she succeeded. But it makes me feel quite sick actually to see her make these positive comments to people.

I know this sounds like an odd AIBU, but AIBU?

yanbu, delete her and don't give her the satisfaction of an explanation / justification

Seriously get rid. She sounds toxic.

Delete her and stop giving her any head space, if you want you could let her know why but you owe her nothing and good for you for dumping the crap.

I am really cross with myself that I've spent years doubting myself and not wanting to have my photo taken, in part because of her.

YANBU.

It would most certainly be her loss. She can find someone else to be horrid to.

Iv just realised hexagonal I have seen you on another thread today. .
Having counselling was a positive move you have made. Please continue to be positive and leave this person behind .

Oh this is an easy one to answer! Delete!!

Dump her. I bet you're gorgeous!

waves back to NannyPlum :)

Have you deleted her yet?? no? then go do it. You don't need frenemies like that x

I did this with my oldest friend, who made me feel like shit with her passive aggressive bullying throughout school, I looked up to her and she made me feel inferior, if I did anything to make her unhappy I would receive a letter detailing all my faults.

I moved 300 miles away after university and she stayed where she was born, we stayed friends, she would say that I was her best friend and sister... At the same time she accused me of stealing from her (before mobile phones were as popular as they are now) change jar ( I'd put a fiver int the jar to replace the change)

All in all she was very much the taker, the final straw was when I found out I was pregnant she advised me to get an abortion as my child would never be happy with a mother who could not love or feel any emotion

I removed her friendship from my life and haven't looked back

She provided no positives, if it's the same for you which it seems to be, then do it, get rid and feel empowered

Oh God, YanSoooNBU. Even though, clearly, she has her own issues, she's behaved in an extremely hurtful way, and should suffer the consequences of that. Whilst I don't think it's helpful for you to want to dwell on why she's be like that, the things you report her saying are soo socially inappropriate, I'd really be wondering about her social skills.

Would you just cut her out, or would you confront her? It might be assertive to do the latter, but I'd probably do the former......

I used to have a friend who did this to me.
CUT, CUT, CUT!
You don't need friends like that. Life is too short.

Thank you everyone.

I don't know why but I seem to have been a magnet all my life for attracting frenemies, that just chip chip chip away with their nasty comments and leave me feeling crap when I've seen them.

I'm slowly culling them from my life though and realise I'd be better off with no friends than friends that base the friendship with me on them feeling superior.

That's so effing horrid, Seriously don't ever let yourself be a whipping post for someones insecurities again. You have been lovely to let that cruel witch be part of your life for so long.

I would tell her exactly why you don't want her in your life anymore. Don't spare her this discomfort.

I'm sure your vairy sexy. :)

Oh my God don't give the witch a second more of your time. What a bloomin' cow bag.
I have had this from a friend. She used to say lots of passive aggressive things to me and it affected my confidence. I felt much better after I burned her off.

delete her, life is too short to put up with toxic friends.

X post, That's exactly what I had to do Hex. Most of those people I knew from childhood too. I just stopped pretending those people were "friends" as they were not.

TBH once you get these people out of your life you will start to feel more confident and attract the right sort of friends.

It's such a shame people like this are allowed to get away with this. I see it starting in Primary School, and all too often they don't get picked up on it. So damaging to other people.

Will you explain why? Not that she seems particularly worthy of consideration but it is horrible being 'culled' when you don't understand 'why'.

On the other hand I can understand why you may not want to get into big communication about it and just 'delete'.

Please let us know lovely when you have deleted her - we will all raise a glass x

Hell no, YANBU. You need to get rid, with friends like that who needs enemy's. I used to have a friend like that who kept telling me I was fat. I believed her for years (was a size 10 at the time). She used to say lots of other horrible things as well. I finally managed to cut the strings 18 years after first meeting her, and life has improved greatly as a result.

Ditch the bitch! She was never a friend in the first place if she said that to you. She is obviously completely jealous of you. Ditch her and don't give her another thought.