To delete a friend from my life who repeatedly called me 'ugly'?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

I have known my friend for about 20 years, since we were in our mid teens. She's always been quite a jealous and bitter type of person but has got worse and worse with age.

A few years ago, I spent a lot of time with her, and we got on well most of the time. Our DCs are similar ages and they all got on well too. She would keep slipping into conversation though that she thought I was ugly, but in a passive aggressive way. Things like 'I don't think you're very pretty but you have a nice personality and that's what counts so don't think I don't think highly of you'. And another time someone said I looked like one of the Appleton sisters from All Saints, and my friend cackled and said 'No you don't look like her at all. She's pretty'. My confidence wasn't particularly high at the time, it hasn't really got much higher until the past couple of years, as I've had counselling, and have started to cut people out of my life that hurt me. I've always kept this friend in my life though, even though she lives in another town, as we've known each other for many years.

I think a lot of it is jealousy as she has often said she is jealous of my life, my house etc, and like I said she is a jealous person. However, through my counselling I've actually admitted to myself that actually I have spent all this time thinking I'm ugly because of what she said. She slowly ebbed away at my confidence at a time when I had low self esteem anyway. And I suppose I 'enabled' her behaviour by continuing to associate with her and spend time with her. I am actually starting to realise that I'm not ugly at all, and that really she is the ugly one for behaving as she does/did.

Anyway, as I said, she lives in another town but keeps coming back to my home town and wanting to meet up and I keep saying no and that I'm busy that day/evening, but I am seriously thinking of deleting her of facebook and having no further contact with her, and ignoring her calls and I really do see now that she did a lot of damage to my self esteem and I don't want to be associated with her in case she ever says anything again. She constantly comments on other peoples' FB pictures 'oh you're so gorgeous' and 'you're such a pretty girl' and that kind of thing so she is capable of giving compliments, I think she was jealous and wanted to bring me down, and she succeeded. But it makes me feel quite sick actually to see her make these positive comments to people.

I know this sounds like an odd AIBU, but AIBU?

Yanbu she's not a friend.

What a toxic person ew

God Vickles. How terrible. That woman sounds like she has serious psychological issues.

Get rid! Get rid! Get rid!
You aren't here to make someone else feel good about themselves at your expense.
I had a friend like this and had to move 400 miles to the other side of the country to escape.

She used to say subtle-ish things like 'i have pretty feet(!) its a shame yours are so big' (size 6) and 'you have thin lips. . . So much better to have full lips' 'you have a vey pointy chin' (my most hated feature) and constantly pick out my flaws in passing.

She was never directly nasty and everyone else thought she was wonderful. It wasn't until I got chatting with my then partner that I realised what she was doing.

It made me feel like total crap but I didnt know if I was being unreasonable or not!
Put yourself and your feelings first.

She sounds a nightmare. I'd ditch her unless you can think of any redeeming qualities and that you might regret making a complete break.

vickles that is terrible, poor you and your poor daughter. You did the best thing by moving away, how can people be so vile.

OP if I hadn't already scoffed the lot, I would bet all my Easter eggs on the fact that she thinks you're prettier than her and she's jealous.

Please bin her. And dont give her ANY explanation, it will drive her mad! If there is one thing we should teach our kids it is to not take toxic shit friesnshiops in their lives!

Wow Vickles. What a hideous experience but so glad it worled out now.

Definatley put alot of distance between the two of you OP. How much depends on what shared friends you have etc. I have a friend I made locally who is not as bad as your friend but along those lines, comments about my DD/how small my house is compared to hers/telling me her mum thought I was slim but actually she had corrected her as apparently I have a 'gut'. Just all that type of crap. These commments came in dribs and drabs and were often said in a sly way so I would be caught unawares. So I waited for one of these comments to fall out and challenged her. I wasn't rude or aggressive but just asked what she meant. She immedialtey looked embarrassed so I said "don't you think you are being rather rude". She now gives me a wide berth as do I with her. I decided not to completley drop her as we have mutual friends and the DDs play and these things can cause awful problems. But now she knows where she stands and I feel better for standing up for myself instead of brooding over her comments.

It is awful that there are so many nasty women out there who only feel good by putting other women down! I don't think I have ever personally come across it but reading some of your experiences here I'm shocked and saddened by what some arsehole women do to other women.