or has friend lost plot and overstepped legally?

[Jamillalliamilli]

She?s very different ways of viewing things anyway and some mh difficulties. I listen to her a lot daily and really struggle to be objective any-more.

Randomly asked me on phone last night "where do you find the identity number" for a bicycle so she can tell the police she?s ?got a stolen bike.?

Asked her to start at the beginning and got this: She noticed ?a tatty looking bike leaning against a sign? across the road from her house (beginning of a little nature reserve and walk) and it wasn?t locked. Still there two hours later, (early afternoon) so she went and took it and put it in her garage.

Asked her why, and she said she?d read in the paper that ?bikes are getting stolen from people?s houses and then abandoned, so I?m being helpful to it?s real owner. ? She then waited for evening when she knew I?d ring so I ?could help her? tell the police she?s ?found a stolen bike.? (she knows I?m on holiday and may not get reception btw)

Other things; she has cctv so could have turned her camera and recorded, if she was worried about who might ride off on it.
Absolutely hates dealing with the police/authorities because they don?t respond the way she feels they should, and it always ends badly for her and I end up called to ?rescue? her.

Asked if she?d considered the possibility that she?d just accidently taken someone?s bike. She hadn?t, asked if in hindsight she could see she might be seen as having done so? No, feels what she read in the paper and it not being locked means of course she should take it as it?s ?obviously stolen?, so she?s ?being a responsible citizen.?

I?m hundreds of miles away unable to help with any fallout (always dramatic) and think she should wipe her prints, quietly put it back and just let community police know it?s there, unlocked.
I think she?s losing it, but she?s so adamant IBU, that I don?t know what to think anymore or if I should be concerned?

That's weird. She needs to call the police and let them know that she has it, or just hand it in to her local police station with a note of where she found it. I can't see much point in putting it back now in case it actually does get stolen. She needs to do it soon otherwise it will look like she has actually nicked it.

I don't think you phoning the police to effectively let them know that you know she's lifted a bike is going to help her, at all. She needs to deal with it herself.

I agree with your advice to her though would not worry about fingerprints. She sounds slightly neurotic but well meaning.

I think I'd be a bit concerned about her, too! In this particular instance, your suggestion that she replace it and then phone a non-emergency police number is a good one. Trouble is, if they don't respond immediately, I'm guessing she'll stress over it and ask you to phone them? Time to switch your phone off, I think... Would I be right in assuming this friendship is rather one-sided?

I don't think it's that big a deal, tell her to call the police and let them know she has it - sound like she took it in good faith

cookcoo

Panda I wasn't suggesting that, though I did point out to her how it would look. :D Thank you for confirming the behaviour is weird, not just my view of it..

Agnes er yes, very, and well meaning enough, but I (and may be very biased) find it to tend to centre around her being 'a good girl' rather than the other person's need, and she becomes very agitated and self destructive when the world doesn't see it the same.

Mrs V She doesn't know how to have any other kind of friendship and everyone's systematically walked away.

She's basically nicked it. Tell her to put it back asap with an apologetic note. Do not contact police.

She's basically nicked it

No she hasn't. She has taken it with the intent to hand it in to the police. This is not theft. There is no dishonestly and no intent to permanently deprive the owner of it - which are the elements of theft. If she/you phone the police it will be dealt with as found property and if it is not claimed she will be entitled to keep it.

If she kept the bike without reporting it it would be theft by finding. But this is not the case, is it ?

And in my professional opinion it sounds to me like your friend has summed up the situation pretty well - nobody leaves their bike propped up against a roadsign, unlocked, for 2 hours. And if they did they shouldn't be surprised if a well-meaning member of the public thought they were doing the right thing by handing it in.

If I saw a bike in a similar situation I would hand it in at the nearest police station.

Can she put up a note where she found the bike, with a number for the owner to call her? If the person who calls can describe the bikes, chances are it belongs to them.

I think as long as she contacts the police the same day then it is quite a responsible thing to do. if she worries about it for a week and then someone who saw her take it tells the police/the owner after it's reported missing then she could find herself charged with taking it.

Is she expecting the police/owner to be massively grateful, or give a reward?

Round here people do leave their bikes unlocked, particularly grotty ones, so I'd tend to think it wasn't stolen.

SHE IS INSANE

Thank you for opinions. It's London so unusual to see an unlocked bike unless tatty (which this is) on the other hand it's unusual to risk interfering with someone else's property unless you have very good reason. (people are more likely to be annoyed than pleased there)

OhdearNigel, no her intent isn't to keep it, but she's still not called them and she definitely wont take it to them, she'll expect them to send someone to collect it from her.

Do you know if someone whose friend successfully insisted they were treated as a 'vulnerable adult' in a much more (very) serious enquiry would remain flagged as such?

There's no reason for anything to happen at all, other than someone turn up to collect the bike, take her details, give her a found property number and a form so she can reclaim it. That's what would happen in my force (I used to work on the front office so dealt with lost/found property day in, day out). So there would be no reason for anyone to be looking into the history person reporting found property.

Could she not tell the police that she was concerned that it would get stolen as it was left unlocked so she took it in for safe keeping until the owner returned. Then either the owner didn't return or she missed them so would like to hand it in

And the likeliest option re: collecting bike is that she will be told to keep it in her house for 28 days after which she can do what she likes with it if it is not claimed. She will be given a reference number.
This is what we usually do now with found bikes.

Ok thanks. Would rather they did recognise her as that tbh. That area definitely doesn't go in for collection or delivery service.
Past experience is they'd rather not deal with that level of things in the first place, and they'd definitely rather not deal with her.

Hopefully she will just be told to store it for now.

You really dont seem to think much of your "friend"

Starwisher I know it may come across like that, but you couldn't be further from the truth. I care hugely about her but am close to the end of my tether and can see another drama in the making in which I somehow become the the person who caused it/is responsible for it, and I'm too far away to catch her.

I give her between one and five hours, every day, day in day out, (and have for years) and listen to how nothing is good, nothing ever will be good, everyone's betrayed her, everything is always everyone else's fault, no one can fix anything and how pointless continuing to live is, and how it's all my fault for failing to do the right thing, give the right advice, or sort out her difficulties with life. It is often screamed to boot.

I 'lived in' several days a week for months to help her make a transition to independent living after she lost her partner.
I've had to drop everything to get her from/take her to police stations, hospitals, Dr's, vet etc spend huge amounts of time sorting out disasters and trying to get her appropriate help, and she still refuses to take responsibility for many basic things or just try to not create new situations for five precious days so I and mine can have a desperately needed break.

She is a badly damaged person who can't get the help she needs, and I am her foolish friend who cares a great deal but cannot fix things, and is actually a real and very exhausted human being with a difficult life.

Not think much of her competency at times, yes, not think much of her, you couldn't be further wrong and the only person who would ever think that who knew the enormity of it all would be her.

Ok, i apologise but based on your few posts it didnt seem that way. I couldnt see how the bike issue was cause for worries over mental health tbh.

It seems you do care, but are very exhausted by her and at the end of your tether?

Sorry struggling to maintain a connection.

No I?m physically and emotionally exhausted and at the end of my tether over the whole of my life, and this is my working 'holiday' to give me strength for the whole year.
It's not her fault, she?s just the poor sod at the end of the line, who deserves better but can?t get any of the help she should have, and is left over reliant on someone barely able to manage her own life, let alone hers.
But, her answer is to end her life if I can?t cope with it all, because that would be ?helpful? to me, in her view no matter what I say.

Hard to explain how something like this can get seriously out of hand very quickly, but please trust me that it can and does frequently, over far less, and all contact with her and the police has always been a disaster for a long time afterwards, so hard for me to understand why she'd court it, and I?m unnerved and jumpy at this point especially because I?m so far away if she ends up 'held' again, never mind the weeks of fallout after.
If it makes me seem uncaring so be it, but I'm living with a parallel universe all the time, no resources to deal with it, and I get very lost sometimes.

On this occasion I'm too tired to work out if what she?s done would be seen as normal, or weird, it seems the answers both.

PS I'm very aware that if that's what I'm living with, what she's living with is far worse.

Hi OP in a bit of a rush to give proper reply but thought this article on triangles might be useful to you, I needed it for a situation yesterday I was in as a "rescuer" and I found it quite enlightening.

peterfox.com.au/family_triangles.htm

nb it's not just about family triangles

Thanks, Will read it with interest, am painfully aware that my nature as a 'rescuer' is what got me left as the person still there.