To think every workplace has one???

[peugotgringo]

A weirdo colleague that makes you a combination of ??

MagsAloof, that sounds horribly familiar....you don't work within the NHS do you?

catgirl .

bumperella Mystery crapper was in a govt office about 10 years ago to do with local authorities - Elephant and Castle, I think.

Dogfood Man gets around. So do I. We'll probably come across each other again.

We have a PE teacher who makes be physically shudder. He is generally wearing tight shorts, has a bald head, is very cleanly shaven and stinks of aftershave. When we have to have a chat about something, he pulls a chair right up close to me or sits on a chair about a millimetre away from me. I hate it!

I'm doing it at the thought of it!

oh yes.

Education @ Tidy

Same shit

The fridge monitors are great, aren't they? It's like the whole office relaxes when they have time off.

We have an arrangement where you have to put some money in a box every time you make a cuppa. I tend to shove a tenner in once a term, rather than put 30p in every time, but once Metal Milk Woman 'caught' me leaving the kitchen without putting coins in the box and she went mental and said 'I suppose you are the one who puts the wet spoon back in the sugar, too!'

Sometimes we wait for her to leave of a Friday we, crack open the Pringles and wine and breathe

Once I got called into the males loos to witness the fact that someone had done a very large shit next to the toilet. Not in it. Next to it.

And had then sprinkled it with leaves from a pot plant.

The chap who found it was just and I was the only senior manager around so he asked me to come and see "a problem" in the loos. I don't think he could truly believe what he was seeing and just needed someone to verify it was real.

We both walked out and stood there looking pole-axed for a bit.

We never found out who did it. Or why.

The recycling queen - who will literally root through the bin looking for recyclable materials so they don't end up in landfill. She means well but sometimes you don't want to feel guilty about chucking out a yoghurt pot by mistake...

We also have the overly touchy senior manager - I was almost offended that I was the only one who wasn't hugged by him...

The senior manager who appeared in a documentary about s&m - and told colleagues to watch it

Titnology Support

Years ago the boss's secretary where I worked insisted on controlling everything.

We had a filing system that only she understood, were interrogated over whether we really needed a new notebook and the window blinds were all either opened or closed at the same time because she thought mismatched blinds looked messy.

One day in summer the radiator in the loo was on full blast so I turned it off because it was like a furnace in there.

I didn't realise she'd turned it on because it was leaking so it flooded. She started an inquest into this and I owned up and said I wouldn't have done it if she'd left a note, but never mind, because I'd mop it up and surely maintenance would soon arrive to fix it.

She said she hadn't had time to call maintenance so I said I'd do it for her.

She flew into a rage and said only she was allowed to call maintenance and she was too busy.

My boss took me aside and said she was a bit difficult he couldn't deal with her so asked me not to upset her. The radiator stayed on until the winter when we actually needed it. It's probably still on.

I was recently tasked to talk to a male collegue because he was wiping his arse and then putting the shitty toilet paper into the bin outside of the toilet cubicle.

He said it was because he truly believed that the system couldn't cope with all the flushed paper, he trully believed he was doing the company a favour and was very put out when I insisted that he needs to flush in the future

In that same office there was a man who was an alcoholic. Not too good at personal hygiene but I have a bad sense of smell and only noticed when he got a bit too Fray Bentossy. He eventually died because of it.

I really liked him because he was always very nice to me but others hated him because he could be very aggressive to them.

Because I was his office buddy he would call when in drunken scrapes. Often he'd call slurring: 'Limited, Limited. I've lost my false teeth. Can you check my drawers?'

I'd gingerly slide in my gloved hand, pushing aside the nudie playing cards and the pen with the lady doing a striptease when you turned it upside down... Sometimes they were there. Luckily there was never any crap.

TiredTits, I had residents complaining quite recently that they could not manage with their standard sized wheelie bin. Being a household of 2, I was unable to determine over the phone what the problem was... a home visit established that all their shitty toilet paper took up an awful lot of room in their bin.

Fray Bentossy? Limited, do explain.

Ladies and gentlemen we have our new "strangest think house guests have done" thread. Stand by for this going classic.

I have a couple tame ones probably because I suspect I may be one myself.

A couple of assistant heads would muck about with cuddly toys and fruit leaving them in strange places and positions. The head walked into her office to do a final exclusions... parents, governers, local MP, LA officials the whole lot... sat on her desk was a teddy bear with 2 orange balls (oranges) and a bannana erection being pleasured by another bear.

Then there was the time I was invited to join in jelly wrestling by several rather attractive female members of staff via email... one day they will learn to lock their PCs whilst other members of their faculty (PE) are around... the reason I probably belong here is that the PE staff feel its OK for me to be the recipient of all said emails... must be something about me.

He used to smell strongly of meat pies sometimes fiendishlie.

I don't know why. Maybe it was his own personal aroma made of the combined mingling of alcohol and sweat oozing from his pores.

Or perhaps he used to slip them in his pockets when drunk and forget about them.

I once worked with a primary school teacher who used to line his underpants with bubble wrap in case the kids bumped into him too hard in the corridors and he became sterile.

A likely tale melezka

How did you find out?

My other half once worked with someone who hung his damp washing up in his office to dry. They used to call him Widow Twanky!

He got drunk on a Christmas outing and told us. We wouldn't have believed him either, except he had seriously weird opinions about a number of things. And absolutely no sense of humour.

I jinxed this by declaring it a classic too soon.

C'mon everyone must have weird folk at work...

Magsaloof you didn't work in the same school as me did you?

Our mental milk lady refused to pay into kitty for dishwasher tabs/washing up liquid etc. as she used only her cup and wiped it out after. Also own coffee jar with gazillion elastic bands and would pay self back number spoonfuls "leant" from communal coffee...

No community spirit!

We once had an issue in the ladies toilets at work where the end one was being used by someone with some sort of stomach problem (she hints, delicately!).

Unpleasant, but it's a toilet: we don't expect to grow floral arrangements in it, do we, or eat our dinners out of it?
However, one of the office ladies took offence and kept writing long, ranty notices about how disgusting it was and pinning them up in all the cubicles.

We grumbled a bit among ourselves then, one evening after the latest lecture had appeared on the door, I carefully took them all down and made paper aeroplanes out of them. I left them sitting on the toilet rolls. I heard several approving comments about "best thing to do with the bloody things!".

Undeterred, she carefully unfolded one of them and stuck it back in the end cubicle.

So I unstuck it again, carefully tore out eyes, a nose, and a big grinning mouth and stuck it back up.

It disappeared after that and we never had another. I did hear that the grotesquely grinning face gave a few people quite a turn while they were settling themselves down on the loo, though

Tanith that is brilliant. I almost wish she had struck again so that it could have escalated further.

Ohhh where to start . . .
The psycho next to me whose boyfriend went back to his wife (we couldn't see that coming, NOT) so she starting ringing and stalking him . . . ie 'Is W there?' then told he didn't want to speak to her 'YES HE IS !! I KNOW HE IS!' slams phone down, often repeated several times.

• A colleague who was obsessed that someone had stolen her museli bar - went looking thru everyone's rubbish bins for the wrapper, then sent an email stating that whoever 'stole' it, she would hope they would 'choke.' Very professional. She also used to talk to herself in the kitchen. Incidently, her father was a teacher at my high school and he was weeiirrddd . . . She also tried (v unsuccessfully) to come onto my DH at the Xmas party. With me right there. Was hilarious. He refused to come to any work parties after that !