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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling pussed off with DH re my Birthday

36 replies

Originalplurker · 18/04/2012 10:54

My DH has been generous recently

December antenatal pamper package
Gifts on birthday of 9 week old dd voucher
Gifts on mothers day voucher, book DVD

All from Asda

But today is my birthday, we agreed I would have some money to spend as need some postnatal fat clothes.

Then went downstairs got some flowers, another book, some Hugo boss women perfume - from asda I don't really need or want any of this stuff, nice though it is.

What I am upset about is my ds(6) didn't even know it was my birthday, not been involved in choosing a little gift, card or signing anything. It all feels like I've bunged more of the same to tick a box, completely impersonal.

No meal in or out organised, he invited me to lunch at last minute at 1150 to 1230, I would seriously have had to rush to get there with 9 week old and then get back for gp appointment.

When I told dc's it was my birthday he immediately said oh mammy let's have a party with some cake - which I would have to organise myself! And then asked if we should goto see 'the pirates' as a birthday treat and we could just stick a dummy in dd! Sad but made me Smile

As its been Easter I havnt seen a y of my friends, I don't work so no girls night out or otherwise organised.

OP posts:
Original poster
Originalplurker · 18/04/2012 10:54

Pussed? Oh dear that could mean all sorts Blush I meant pissed.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 18/04/2012 10:58

Why does it matter the stuff is from Asda?? Find that a bit confusing!! Sounds like he got you ok stuff, not sure what the problem is.

As for DS not knowing it is your birthday....do you not talk to him then?? I always say things to my DS like "guess who's birthday it is next week" etc etc.........

Is it a special birthday (ie 40 or something)?? If so then maybe YANBU but if not then just get over it, it's a birthday and your DH didnt forget!!

mayaswell · 18/04/2012 11:01

Happy Birthday Originalplurker. Hope it turns out well and nobody says YABU and upsets you more

Kladdkaka · 18/04/2012 11:02

It was my 40th last week. My husband got me a plastic easter bunny decoration Hmm. Wanna swap? :o

Gumby · 18/04/2012 11:02

He's been so generous
Maybe the hormones are making you lose perspective ?!

DogEared · 18/04/2012 11:03

I dunno. He seems to have got you quite a lot of gifts, and there's nothing stopping you having a little party with your DS.
Happy birthday!

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 11:05

I read the Asda thing as being the equivalent of a quick run to the local garage for flowers. Like there has been no thought put into it. It's the lack of thought.

And while it might just be another birthday, some of us make a fuss on others' birthdays and expect just a little thought put in for ours.

My ex's idea of a birthday gift was to give me £20 and tell me to treat myself to some nice knickers Hmm (if he remembered at all).

Hope you can salvage a happy birthday, OP Smile

Bambino81 · 18/04/2012 11:07

i think you're being a bit over sensitive? maybe built this up to something big when it's not?

Your DH got you gifts etc? i dont really see the problem.

I made my own mothers day meal and birthday cake this year, had a tiny sulk but then i know my DH is no good with stuff like that. and he knows i enjoy it.

My daughter is 9 and she doesn't really get me anything, she normally makes me something which is precious junk but i like it cause she made an effort?

you could have told your DS it was your birthday and put some ideas in his head for making ou something, kids love doing that.

I don't really know what else to say, apart from just be grateful you got something, alot of DH might forget...

buxton150 · 18/04/2012 11:09

Your dh sounds great to me. I would love dh to use his initiative and actually buy me a present. If I don't tell him what I want I get a voucher or an IOU.
I got nothing on birth of dc. Nothing for Mother's Day except year my mum died. Dc did want to get me a little present but apparently we didn't have time to go round shops. Nothing for valentine's Day.(except cards)
Although tbh I am being taken out for my Birthday this year. Nothing special for 40th though.

buxton150 · 18/04/2012 11:10

Happy Birthday btw.

fatherchewylouis · 18/04/2012 11:10

Are you sure these gifts aren't in addition to the money for new clothes?

Also he may well assume that a meal out (evening or lunch) will not be relaxing or practical with a 9 week old baby (it wouldn't have been for me).

Have you mentioned wanting to go out for a meal to him?

YonWhaleFish · 18/04/2012 11:11

It was my 40th last week. My husband got me a plastic easter bunny decoration hmm. Wanna swap? grin

Ha ha, my 'lovely' DH got me a chocolate easter bunny for my birthday. And a box of teabags. Which weren't the type he meant to get as he didn't read the label properly.

YANBU OP, Happy Birthday! Thanks

boredandrestless · 18/04/2012 11:12

So you got flowers, a book, and some perfume but you are upset?!?

Fleurdebleurgh · 18/04/2012 11:12

YABU

Be grateful you have recieved anything.

Original poster
Originalplurker · 18/04/2012 11:13

Thanks for replies.

betty no Asda fine it's only significant in that he just calls in there and hasn't gone out of his way really. I'd rather he planned something than bought me something.

Yes did mention it Ds he just had no involvement really, think I might take him to see the pirates. It's not a special birthday.

Thanks may

klad you can definitely have the Hugo Boss women perfume.

gumby do you think I still have unsettled hormones, I stopped bf three weeks ago and though they'd settled

maybe just feeling sorry for myself as on my own all day until doctors appt

dog He has that's why I would rather he hadn't bought me more stuff the money for clothes was enough.

I'm feeling like a child dumped I front of creepiest with unlimited fruit shoots and wagonwheels

OP posts:
shushpenfold · 18/04/2012 11:15

Erm......blimey.....don't know what to say.....must be the hormones! Nice DH - give him a break.

Original poster
Originalplurker · 18/04/2012 11:16

Just to be clear it's not about the stuff I'd rather have had something planned in or out where we are together so it's a sense of occasion. Maybe I just would value the time more with them doing something that's has been planned and organised for me, even if it's harrypotter night with hotdogs I the house.

I plan and organise everything, seems I have to do my own birthday, oh wow is me eh?

OP posts:
YonWhaleFish · 18/04/2012 11:18

Don't worry OP - I get you. It's about the fact it feels like no THOUGHT has gone into it, and it would be lovely to be treated without having to ask.

It's not about what he got her!

fatherchewylouis · 18/04/2012 11:19

I genuinely don't understand what the problem is, but then I'm not one for being too fussed about having a big birthday hoopla.

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 11:20

That's what I was saying, YWF.

Maybe it would have been nice if he'd bought the ingredients for a lovely meal in. Or, as OP says, just hotdogs for an evening together. Bottle of wine for when the kids have gone to bed - that sort of thing.

It's not about money, it's about thought.

Original poster
Originalplurker · 18/04/2012 11:21

father I'd be happy to eat out with dd. no I'd didn't ask for meal out but we normally do for occasions.

Maybe I should lower my expectations, I definitely feel wedged in my huffy pants.

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 18/04/2012 11:22

It was my 40th recently too and my DH got me a shared card from DS and him. What is worse is that DH, DS and I all have birthdays within two weeks of each other, and mine is the last. He could hardly have forgotten. DH and DS both got cards, presents, a special meal etc. I am still upset. :(

Kladdkaka Want to go out for dinner/to a spa/shopping with me then?
OP You're invited too.

Kladdkaka · 18/04/2012 11:24

Baroness only if you're prepared to adopt my hideous beautiful easter bunny.

Original poster
Originalplurker · 18/04/2012 11:25

Exactly man and youwhalefish

I'm sorry if my wording makes me sound ungrateful re presents, yes time and thought. My DH works v v long hours often don't eat together during the week doesn't see dc's awake etc so his time doing something nice together is v special.

OP posts:
YonWhaleFish · 18/04/2012 11:26

Exactly manic!

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