to think my neighbour is pushy and I need to grow steel balls?

[Happyasapiginshite]

There's lots of background story to this but I'll try to keep this short, without dripfeeding.

I live in a quiet cul de sac within an estate. I'm an open person and am friendly with my neighbours. About 4 years ago, a new neighbour moved in with her now DP who was living here with his dc already for many years. She's very friendly and I get along well with her. She and her dp have had problems and she has confided them in me. I tell this part of the story to illustrate that we do get along, although I wouldn't call her a friend. I would never confide in her. She has been pushy in the past (if anyone remembers the steel balls thread, I told how I ended up bringing her daughter to school every day having offered to drive her once).

As I say, we're friendly but...she drives me mad just landing at my doorstep saying "I saw you were home and just thought I'd come over for a chat". I gave many hints that I needed time after work (school) to come back to life before I was capable of adult conversation. I'm absolutely not a confrontational person and find it hard to be rude. Last Thurs, ds had 5 school friends around for a play and I was making dinner for them. The boys had left the front door open and the porch door closed (so you can just tun the handle and walk in). Next thing, my neighbour was in my kitchen saying "Just thought I'd pop over for a cuppa" while I'm standing there cooking. I didn't offer tea and kept cooking, doing lots of "I'm so stressed" noises and eventually she left after about 5 mins. Another time, I had a friend in who was visiting me and my new baby with a present. When I opened the door, I said to X "I actually have someone here, it doesn't suit" and in she comes anyway saying " I'm not staying, I just wanted to ask you about your tiles...." while she walks all the way into my kitchen and greets my friend. There's loads more that has pissed me off but I won't bore you.

My question is this: How do I stop this? What do I say when she just walks into my house? The door is always open when ds is out playing and it would drive me crazy to have to keep answering the door if I was to close it. What do I say when I open the door and I really DON'T want to invite her in??? It's ingrained in me to invite people in when they're at the door and it's really rude not to automatically put the kettle on. But I know I need to be more direct with her. Advice? Anyone any codes for the steel balls shop?

I'd do what bobbledunk suggested - don't open the door all the way, tell her before she's had the chance to say anything that you're in the middle of something and you'll see her another time, all the while closing the door so she doesn't get a chance to say anything. I usually open my front door with a tea towel over my shoulder so I can get people off the doorstep quickly and not invite them in (whether I'm cooking or not or whatever the time) :)

Unfortunately, this will be a chore because of 2 reasons. One, she is slightly abusive. Two, you let it get out of hand already so now you have to back peddle. Although you say you get a long, please reconsider. YOU, yes, get along. But, SHE does not get along. Therefore, the two of you over the course of time really probably don't get along well enough for this to be considered a rich friendship. Since it's not rich, and it's become painful, CUT HER OFF. No more smiles, no more hello's, no more rapport. You are now an ice queen for the next 4 months until she becomes respectful again. Because she refuses to honor your preferences, she won't take your polite requests and hints. I think you've been pretty clear with her. If she's so dense or abusive that she can't see your boundaries, you don't want her in your life. She will only cause problems. After you cut her out sharply and icily, maybe in 6 months y'all can start glancing, smiling and waving again. But that's about it - why go any further. During the upcoming months, steel yourself for the temporary task of being an ice queen. She won't like it and may try to provoke you. Don't let her. Treat her like a toddler and take the high road, even locking up and leaving if you have to, temporarily. It's all temporary until you can erase the precedent of her feeling that your home is not private. Yes, it will be hard to keep your door closed, but it's only temporary and the weather is cooling anyhow. If you don't keep your door closed now, I guarantee you will be faced with the same problem next summer and you will miss the whole summer because your door will be closed because the problem will have grown and you will be tearing your hair out. Nip it in the bud during fall now while you can. Buy one of those Owl statues to let you know when she is near, even in the years to come. She might take revenge on you, so better to cut her off now than to wait while her ego grows because the risk will be higher later. Some people are just bad.

You might want to read websites about tactics against bullies and stalkers, because she has made you afraid to enjoy a cool breeze in your own home.

I would keep the outer (porch?) door shut so she has to knock at that, then when you go out pull the front door shut behind you and tell her its not convenient. She then cant barge past into a 'shut' door. just make sure you can get back in

< I'm sorta imagining your set up in my head>

Next time she lets herself in do a faux 'jump out of your skin', gasp and clutch your chest. Say "oh my God will you please knock I nearly shat myself then". The next time - when she knocks - say "sorry I'm terribly busy can't chat just now..."

Put a video intercom at the front door. If it's your DS or an invited visitor you buzz them in. If it's your neighbour don't answer.

Or put one of those things on where you have to punch a code number in?

A wide enough door chain that ds can squeeze through but not her? Boy-sized cat flap?

ZOMBIE THREAD

Ha ha !! olympicnmix A ds flap!

Just make sure you attach the micro-chipped collar to ds so only he can gain entry via the flap so no stray ds or obtuse neighbours can gain access