To ask friends to help with food for jubilee party

[pingu2209]

Okay - honest feedback - I can take it!

I have about 4-5 parties a year where about 6-10 families are invited - these include the parents and their children. Normally the families are people we have met through church, who happen not to have any children. Or they are families where one of my children is friends with one of their children - except the invite is for the whole family.

I have an Easter party, Summer BBQ, Halloween party, Christmas party etc.

This year I thought I would hold a garden Jubilee party. This would be all british traditional food and would last for a whole afternoon.

Holding the parties is quite expensive and also hard work. However, I enjoy it and I really love seeing my children enjoy the social aspect of all their friends. I believe my children really feel 'connected' by the fact that all the parents are also friends.

I have spent a lot of money on Jubilee/Union Jack table cloths, napkins, plates, bowls, cups, servers, bunting, flags to wave, plastic bowler hats etc. I will also provide the alcohol - Pimms, gin and tonic, elderflower cordial, lemonade and tea (ie all traditional british drinks).

I have asked each of the families verbally if they would provide something for the garden party food. I asked one family to provide mini pork pies and mini scotch eggs. Another family for white bread cucumber sandwiches. Another family egg and cress sandwiches. Another family for cheese and pineapple cocktail sticks etc.

I will make all the cheese and fruit scones, mini toad in the hole, victoria sponge, triffle, new potato and asparagus salad, poached salmon. I will do the lion's share of the food - it is just making sandwiches takes a long time and need to be made last minute, and I will be putting up all the decoration and getting the marquee and tables up etc.

One of my friends asked if she could bring crisps and jaffa cakes and cheese balls etc. I said that I would rather not have them as it is not supposed to be a children's birthday tea, the point was to have traditional british food and drink. From the look on her face (not that she said anything) I could tell she thought I was being more than a bit rude telling her what I wanted to bring.

But to add, this friend has asked if she can bring her mother along too because she would enjoy a jubilee party. To which I said yes of course.

I did explain to all the guests that the whole idea was that it was to be totally British and traditional - think 1970s style.

So am i being unreasonable?

Can I come? :o

Seriously though, YANBU - I can imagine it's hard work and very expensive, and people should just appreciate your efforts imho.

I seem to remember having crisps, jaffa cakes and cheese balls in the 70's! I think you're being a bit unreasonable to insist that everyone brings what you want. I would have thought it better to make alist and ask people to take something off the list to avoid too many duplications. I certainly wouldn't have time (or the inclination) to make a huge pile of sandwiches, which frankly in my experience are unlikely to get eaten. I do think it's a lovely idea, but if you want help then you also need to take other people's opinions into account

Did they not have crisps and jaffa cakes in the 70's? I realise you're having a theme but you don't want to be the crazy lady who shrieks 'I SAID SPAM NOT PARMA HAM' as all your guests back slowly out of your garden.

Can you not allow a slight deviation from the theme? So yes YABU, your friend probabaly didn't realise you were being such a stickler to period details. Who knew the humble cheese ball could cause such offence.

Afraid I also think you're a bit wrong - at my parents parties in the 70's we always had cheese balls/twiglets/salted nuts

Any chance she actually thought she was being 70's and is now a bit offended?

You sound a bit of a mrs mangle control freak im afraid

Gosh it sounds lovely pingu and i would love to be invited, you have obviously already put alot of time,thought and expense into it and no you are defo nbu by asking your guests to bring certain foods. Have fun, your various celebrations through the year sound wonderful!

why on earth maryz can't you be told what food to bring??!! surely the hostess knows what still needs to be made and i would much prefer to help her without fussing as she is definitely doing the lion's share!

YANBU! Sounds lovely and I'd be happy to be told what to bring!

Ehh, I don't know! I mean- you're happy to host them but only if they bring certain things?

What if they didn't like what they'd been told to bring?

Sounds like a great party pingu

I think it would be reasonable to say by all means bring the crisps, jaffa cakes etc as long as she also brings the cucumber sandwiches. It's your party and you've thought out the menu but it is a bit churlish to say no, don't bring them.

I despise egg sandwiches and white bread!

Maybe jaffa cakes and cheese balls was what she had at her 70's parties. You can't just do it all your way as others will have things which remind them of the 70's too.

I'm confused with the 70's theme - why not a 50's theme, as that is when the coronation was?

One of the issues is that I think most of the other families would want to opt for crisps and biscuits etc rather than make any effort. They are happy for someone else to make the effort - just not them.

That is why I asked for the families coming to make something that would need to be done last minute but was fiddly/time consuming - like the cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks etc.

I could do the quick and easy things myself. Although I do also want to stick to the theme - for example, if I wasn't specific with my sister she would make tirramassu (sp?) as this is her speciality - except it isn't very British!

YABU to ask people to bring such specific things.

YAB even more U to say no to someone's request to bring something that still fits your theme!

I would, quite frankly, think you were bonkers. And rude.

Sounds like a fab party though!

LilRedWG - yes I do mean 1950s - not 1970s. I'm not sure why I picked that generation!!

I was hosting a garden Jubilee party that was british but pre processed bought food etc - to be food that was made rather than bought.

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Well of course they are happy for someone else to make the effort. It's not their party!

We tend to host parties - like you.. and end up swallowing the cost.. which I am happy to do - As I love arranging parties and having a project!

As you have asked for your friends to bring a contribution, (most my friends always ask what they can bring, and I tell them - they tend to always bring stuff and if they wanted to bring 'nibbles' - they are always welcome too!)

I think your friend should be bringing what you asked her to bring - as you are the one who's planning the food.. but, I think you were wrong to turn down the cheese balls et al! As long as she's bringing what you asked her to bring.... and extras are always welcome.

I would give her a ring/text and say, something light, like 'sorry, don't know what I was thinking earlier,,,, cheese balls would be lovely'!

I think your party sounds bloody brilliant!!!!

It's my birthday on 3rd June and a good friend is hosting a big Jubiliee Party... and I'm already texting her saying 'would you like be to bring this?' etc.. There's so much fab stuff in the shops...!

I'm sure things will be sorted out fine in the end. No point falling out over a few stinky orange cheese balls!!!

Enjoy!
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I kind of can see I am being unreasonable. As my children's school when they have an end of year or Christmas party all parents are sent a letter home with a list of food and a big tick against the food the school want you to provide. They also provide a paper plate!

They ask for specific food to ensure that there isn't a glut of crisps and biscuits and no sandwiches or sausages etc.

I know that this is exactly what I am doing to my friends.

Are you having a party with friends or standing with a clipboard at the front door judging them? If you want to have a party, you do the fiddly, time consuming things and your guests bring a little thing to say thank you, to help you out etc.

hmmmm i think that i see where you are coming from in the fact that you want it to be a special day and you've put the effort into it being a particular way which you obv pride yourself on, but i think you either have to let people bring what they want or accept that people arnt going to want to do exactly what you've asked.

Personally i wouldn't have a problem bringing the bits that you've asked, they're all easy and cheap enough, not like you're asking guests to bring a bottle of vintage champagne!!

That said, everyone is diff and you might have to bite the bullet and agree, cause it would be such a shame if you put in all this effort and it's ruined by a silly disagreement.

I don't think you're BU - it sounds lovely BTW.

I would prefer to be told what to bring rather than get it wrong