Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think my friend is quite cheeky sometimes?

28 replies

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 13:04

I love my friend to bits but she will think nothing of turning up at people's houses with nothing but will often ask for things to be cooked for her/fed to her kids.

I've side-stepped it this time by saying I'll get half of the food and she can get half. We are on more money than her and her partner but she's had thousands from her parents and can always find money to go out on a weekend.

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 17/04/2012 13:08

Dunno really....does she turn up and then say "Cook me and the kids some tea"?

If I have a friend come round with their kids after school say, I will happily cook the kids somethings whilst I am cooking for my DS and I wouldnt think that she should be bringing anything round. Suppose it depends on how often this is happening.

Next time invite yourself round hers!

BrianCoxHasScaryHair · 17/04/2012 13:12

I have a friend that always invites us over for a cuppa and invariable will then invite us (whilst we are there) to stay for food.

I normally accept and say 'right, I'll pop to the shop and get some cake/wine' (whatever is acceptable..!)

It is rare that I invite friend here for food though as my house is small, I earn less and I also loathe cooking! So, we have the understanding that we eat at hers but I bring extras (and I babysit for her too - I jokingly say, you cook for me and I'll take XXX off your hands for a few hours )

Maybe your friend thinks that you have this unspoken understanding too? But she's just not realised that the occasional contribution would be appropriate?

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 13:13

She used to specifically ask me to cook a certain meal for her. I used to put up with it but my husband gets cross because it's never reciprocated. Or she'd have a meal and then ask I did a dessert(!)

That's fair enough cooking tea at tea time but we've just arranged to meet and it isn't even around a meal time but she's still asked me to cook for her and the kids.

And at people's parties, etc where we all organise to bring a plate to share the cost she never, ever does but expects us to bring loads if we go to hers.

OP posts:

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 13:15

No other friends have told her straight they think she's being cheeky. It took her a long time before she'd invite us for something as simple as a takeaway.

Very often at hers friends end up cooking what they've brought themselves too!!

OP posts:

skybluepearl · 17/04/2012 13:16

I hate going empty handed to peoples houses and will always ask if host needs anything. They will usually say 'just bring yourselves' but I always make sure I bring somethings - usually things that are discounted or on offer. We all love bargins here!

Can you say you are arranging lunch and does she mind bringing you grapes and a couple of potatoes or what ever. I know it can be quite expensive if you host a lot and have to provide all the food each time. Aleternitivly you could pop to hers

BrianCoxHasScaryHair · 17/04/2012 13:16

You need to put your foot down with her then, she seems to be taking the piss.

Next time she asks you to make a meal say no. I can't imagine ever having the bare-faced-cheek to request a meal under those circumstances

Stand up to her.

If the friendship is worth saving, speak your mind and get her to contribute. Doesn't have to be excessive, but she can't expect a free ride at your expense (not just monetary)

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 13:17

And there isn't anything offered in return like babysitting, etc. She and another friend became quite distant as she was treating friend 2 like a taxi service but not offering anything like petrol money or babysitting in return.

OP posts:

skybluepearl · 17/04/2012 13:18

can you just say youd like a rest and does she mind cooking?

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 13:19

Thanks. That's what I did this time. I said 'You bring X and I'll bring Y' and she's agreed.

I do tend to go over there (don't usually eat there though) but it involves more cost for me.

I think it's the way she's been brought up. She's babied by her mum and partner.

OP posts:

peaz · 17/04/2012 13:21

My cousin did something similar. We had a party for my son and each family member brought a dish (as we always do, unless told not to). I asked my cousin to make a curry and she agreed. The night before, she said she forgot what she was supposed to make. So my OH went out, bought the stuff and made it himself.

She turns up to the party, then at 7pm she tells me she is going to shower her kids (all guests had gone by now) and can I put some dinner on for them! I told her we had plenty of leftovers that I can put in a dish for her to take home!

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 13:24

Peaz hotel eh?

I find it really hard to ask people for stuff expecially when I can't do the same back but she has no reservations!

OP posts:

skybluepearl · 17/04/2012 13:24

Well done!

Does she hate cooking? Or not know how to cook? Is it worth saying you can cook xxx together and slowly work on her cooking skills

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 13:29

Skybluepearl she hates cooking and it doesn't help that her partner is convinced she'll chop her hands off/burn the house down if she does cook(!) She is getting better and will attempt it I just think she's used to having stuff done for her. It would drive me insane. I hate that there are some things I'm incapable of and have to rely on others for and can't understand the assumed helplessness.

I've taken food over before now and shown her how to cook it (her request). I've even sat down with her and done detailed, easy weekly diet plans when she was desperate to lose weight and asked me to help.

OP posts:

YouChangeWithTheWeather · 17/04/2012 13:38

My SIL will turn up at 9am and say "we'll go home for our tea" - She's proud of her short arms. As I mutter to DH... 10 years, two cups of tea, one of which I had to ask for - some people have odd ideas of hospitality.

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 13:41

Now I must admit I'm crap at offering tea and coffee because I don't drink either!

OP posts:

BrianCoxHasScaryHair · 17/04/2012 14:28

I'm a bit of a bugger when it comes to offering tea and coffee.

I don't mean to overlook it, but I get carried away chatting and then an hour has gone by and I suddenly think 'oops!'. Luckily most of my family/friends are used to me and prompt me

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 14:32

I do feed people heartily when they are invited for food so hopefully they won't mind me being crap with tea and coffee!!

My husband is pretty good at remembering caffeine fiend that he is!

OP posts:

Nagoo · 17/04/2012 14:35

I can't imagine going round someone's house, even my mum's, and asking to be cooked a certain meal. I just can't process that.

Your friend must be really funny and clever!

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 14:37

I know! My mum would have a fit too!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 17/04/2012 14:39

see i don't mind feeding people, but i'd draw the line at cooking a particular thing!

i would just say no, sorry we aren't eating til x o'clock and we are having Y.

followed by either, you're welcome to stay or i'm sorry we don't h ave enough for all of you

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 14:45

Good idea!

Are you a Manics fan by the way?

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 17/04/2012 14:47

yes

marshmallowpies · 17/04/2012 15:02

I have a friend...well, acquaintance really....who does this to other friends...he used to live at home with his parents and so wanted any excuse for a night out and the opportunity to crash at other peoples' places so he didn't have to go home for the night.

The trouble was, him staying overnight usually resulted in not only him staying for breakfast but hanging around the next day (if it was a Sat/Sun) until lunchtime and sometimes even dinner! I have very polite friends who used to be far too nice to ask him to leave; I would have been far less tolerant.

He now has his own flat so the problem has been solved now, but he has never invited anyone round to his place for so much as a cup of tea..

3boysandagirl · 17/04/2012 15:11

She is taking the piss! I've got a friend who is similar. This Easter holiday I looked after 2 of my friends sons, I had one for a day and the the other on a separate day. Both days were long ones, she didn't offer food or anything and her dc aren't the easiest and I have 4 of my own.
When she picked up her ds on the last day, she said 'Shall we ( her, dh and 3 dc) come round on Saturday. The forecast is going to be good, we could have a BBQ or something!' My dh agreed and once she'd gone I said to my dh, they'll turn up empty handed. He didn't believe they would because we hadn't actually invited them as such.
Saturday came and they turned up, I hadn't spoken to her in between time. Sure enough they came with absolutely nothing. With the way things are for everyone at the moment I can't afford to be taken the piss out of, so I told them that as we hadn't really discussed food and who was bringing what, we should get fish and chips instead. But they couldn't because they hadn't brought any money/cards with them.
So I Suggested that we go to the fish and chip shop via their house and get some money. It was a bit embarrassing but I cannot afford to feed people unexpectedly. I felt much better dealing with it that way, then yet again feeding them (and never being invited th them.) I would have been raging all evening if I had of done.

Original poster

cherrypieplum · 17/04/2012 15:20

I really can't get over how cheeky some people are!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2