to wonder if school staff rooms involve much parent bashing?

[lottielou39]

A comment below (in the thread about childcare being too expensive for people to do poorly paid part time work) from someone who worked in a nursery and said the weekly meetings were mostly about parent bashing, got me wondering. What are school staff rooms really like? I'd love to be a fly on the wall. Are parents slagged off on a daily basis? Which parents cause the most dread? Is it ever possible for a parent to have a valid gripe (in the eyes of the school staff room) or are they always stupid and annoying?

Its not just the difficult or precious parents though, its also the parents of children with special needs, i was considered 'difficult' as i applied for Statement.

I have seen what teachers have written about me on school file, i dread to think what was discussed in the staff room. Some teachers also tell lies.

Parents usually come up if you have to phone them/set up a meeting, e.g. what do I need to know before I do this?

They lie, never see them alone.
Don't shake hands with the dad; he will try to crush your hand.
They are in denial about their child's SN, while simultaneously requiring the school to take account of the said SN. Which on no account must you mention to the child.

Most parents are fab. All want the best for their children, but some don't go about it the best way.

For the most part, teachers have a life, and want to kickback in the staffroom, not idly chat about work stuff. Indeed, an apology is always offered if a work matter is brought up in R&R time.

Claw- there are bound to be some teachers who are not as professional as others. I am sorry you had some talking/ writing about you.

I grew up in a family of teachers and have been a secondary teacher for 7 years. I have rarely heard much in the way of parent bashing. It does happen occassionally, mostly when they are ignoring the issues their child(ren) are having. Sometimes it's the ones who keep 'encouraging' their child to aim for an unrealistic career (such as a child aiming for a C at GCSE who thinks they will get to be a vet or a doctor, it's not going to happen)

I mostly prefer to talk about important stuff, like what I watched on tv last night, my own children, lunch, diets, etc. I'm not really interested in what the parents are up to as long as it doesn't affect me directly.

I agree with agreetodisagree , ironically. There are those irksome categories of parents. Generally some parents are considered fair game, but on the whole we're all just trying to do the best we can by the children. I guess it helps that most of us teachers are parents too, so we're not going to criticise people with whom we're in the same boat. Teaching bashing however...well, that's a national sport isn't it!

Thanks Jodidi, i am sure there are some decent teachers out there, i have just never encountered them.

With my first two 'nt' ds's i didnt have much cause to communicate with teachers, other than the usual parent evenings etc. When it came to my 3rd ds, with special needs and i had to communicate with them more regularly i realised just how underhanded some could be. When it comes to special needs, it involves the school budget being spent, amazing what a difference money makes to the experience.

Claw4 most teachers I have met do their best, but are under huge pressures (especially if the head is unsupportive or a slave driver). I also have experience of SEN staff, one SENCo is fabulous, the other is okay (actually she is a good administrator, admits she's not that knowledgable herself, has fab staff but I believe thinks I'm a crap parent - which is a strain especially when dealing with possible ESBD).

The only parents I've heard discussed openly are the very pushy ones: " my son is highly gifted" or the one who had intimidated me at playgroup and also intimidated the Head of the primary. Others do get discussed but usually discretely, eg. The one with an alcohol problem, or the one who did everything to get her daughter out of well earned detentions.
Or the rare other ones, who say thank you, or give the staff room boxes of chocolates.

Mummytime, i couldnt agree more teachers are under huge pressure to meet needs from within their budgets and the Head is also under huge pressure to meet needs from within their budgets from the Local Authority.

However this is no excuse to lie about these needs being met, which has been my experience.

Claw I'm sorry you are having such a bad time with the teachers involved with your ds. I don't think I have ever seen/heard a teacher lie about a childs needs being met. I have heard our senco apologise profusely for the lack of provision for some children as the funds are just not there to provide them, or the LSA employed to help that child has been off sick.

I think in our staffroom (a departmental staff room rather than the whole school one) we do more bitching about other teachers/other departments than we do about parents. We have some fantastic colleagues in other departments, but some teachers in our school are not quite so good on a day to day basis but it's all ok because they can teach outstanding lessons when they are being observed

its also the parents of children with special needs, i was considered 'difficult' as i applied for Statement.

I think that this is unusual. It is more the type of parent that started a thread last week because her 4yr old was told to stop talking in the story-she refused and then refused to move and cried. The parent was all for going in and talking to the teacher- rather than a brisk 'if you did as you were told you wouldn't have been in trouble'-and move on. There is another one who has a real axe to grind (trivial) about library books and wanted a formal letter so that Ofsted could see it.

Why do parents continually go in to see the teachers about every little thing? At first school parents were always in and out.

Now with one at Middle and one at High school there's none of that nonsense.

Jodidi, its not just my experience, it is quite a common occurrence over on the special needs section of MN. Your SENCO should be applying for extra provisions ie statements to meet the needs of those children, rather than apologising, as the funds would then be provided to meet those needs. Something some SENCO's are reluctant to do as they are under pressure to meet needs from the school budget.

One example of my experience was i was phoned by the school to go and pick ds up from school as he was pulling out his eyelashes to the extent of making his eyes extremely sore. This is a sign of ds not coping well.

When i ask for ds to recieve more help to cope, i was told this didnt happen. The teacher who phoned me to come and get him, sat there and stated that this never happened. I was never phoned, i never went to pick him up. Rather than giving him more help.

I changed schools.

Next school i even found a copy of a post it note on ds's school file from one teacher to another, stating what lies they would tell me about another incident to cover themselves ie "lets tell mum xxxxxxxxx"

Some parent bashing takes place IME but generally only when it's in the best interest of the child. IYSWIM.

So the following are all real instances I have experienced where the parents were 'bashed' in the staffroom...

Children not allowed to participate in any 'fun' or creative activities because the parents disapprove (primary school is for academia only);

Parents not turning up to IEP review meetings, not supporting children's learning, not understanding what the school feel their needs are, not making any contribution to their children's SEN status on any level and then blowing up at the teacher on on parents evening when they learn that their child is not being put in for KS2 SATS because they aren't capable of getting the minimum level 3 and the parents had no idea.

Parents who don't read/do homework/attend school assemblies/attend parents evenings/attend meetings they've arranged etc and then write letters to the school to complain about things they've heard have happened.

There are lots of things that cause eye-rolls and smiles, but most of the time we understand that parents are human and sometimes make errors of judgement, have other things going on in their lives, mistakes and have bad days, but that ultimately, they want the best for their child.

And we hope for the same in return.

Claw, all the children in our school who need statements have statements. Unfortunately the amount of funding given for those statements does not cover the wages of of a full time LSA for each child, which is what would be the best provision for the majority of those children. We provide as much extra help as we can on the funds we are given. It isn't that we don't spend the money the child in entitled to, it's that the money each child is entitled to doesn't cover the support that child needs. We are not specialists in SN, but we have a fantastic Learning Support Department, graded outstanding by Ofsted, and we still don't feel that those children are supported enough, as we aren't given the funds to do it the way we would like.

This is another big problem, as the provision more often than not in statements isnt specific or quantified, another big battle for parents, if you are lucky enough for your child to be given a statement, the provision contained therein is often insufficient and as good as useless. You then have to appeal, something that is very costly and time consuming and i should imagine a lot of parents either cant afford to do so or are not aware of their rights.

Anyhow i will bow out now, as i am turning the thread into a special needs thread

As others have said, we're often too busy to actually take our breaks.

When we do get to catch up in our department staffroom, we bitch about senior management A LOT.

We've recently been banned from eating or drinking in the main staffroom , so it's pretty much always empty in there.

When we have concerns about parents, of course we discuss that on a need-to-know basis.

Oh, and after parents' evening, we gossip about which students have HOT DADS .

I worked in a primary school and have to say never really heard parents being talked about at all! Nor pupils really for that matter!

Oh yeah, Hot Dads.

Although I remember when my friend became a secondary teacher we were both rather to discover that Hot Sixth Formers were also discussed!!

I can't remember much if any parent bashing, we were too busy moaning about the head's latest madcap schemes.

I think any parent bashing should go on in the staff room and not outside the school. A few years ago I was in the changing rooms of the local leisure centre and a couple of teachers were completely ripping apart one parent. I didn't have children at that time but even I worked out what school they worked in and what year group the child was in. And that was just in the time taken to change into my swimsuit!! I think that if I heard it now, being a parent myself with school age child, I would have said something to them about how inappropriate it was.

I worked in primary school for ages. The most common topics of conversation are as follows:

Biscuits
Who ate the last biscuit
Cake
Who ate the last cake
Diets
Who didn't wash up their cup and teaspoon
Passing on vital information about kids eg a troubled child who's had a really bad morning and needs extra love and support in the lunch break etc

But generally noone was in there for more than five minutes at a time!

Yes, Hot Sixth Formers are also discussed here... [vomit smiley].

Hot dads are brilliant I always look forward to parents evening for one particular child because the dad is so unbelieveably gorgeous. I must sound like a complete looney when I speak to him cos I lose the ability to talk sense.

I spent a decade teaching in various Secondary Schools - parents were barely mentioned. Slagging off colleagues is FAR more popular.

The only people who get a regular bashing in our staffroom are husbands.
Parents who make a fuss for very little are very annoying, or those who are trying to tell you how to do your job (because they went to school or sad some bullcrap on the net) are also incredibly annoying.
Some parents make very valid points though. And sometimes we have a good laugh at parents' evening.