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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel dissapointed that ds was not given an invite over to friends house

28 replies

ravenheart · 16/04/2012 08:01

Ds has a good friend at school who we regularly invite over after school sometimes for sleepovers or on days out.
We took ds and his mate out at the start of the holidays and treated them both etc.
The mates mom is always mentioning a return invite for ds and that she will text me etc however she never does.
I have waited in anticipation for a invite all during the easter holiday as my ds can get bored at times but one never came.
Do you think I am right to feel a bit dissapointed about this and that she could of at least spared a few hours somewhere during the holiday for him.

OP posts:
Youmaynowchangeyourname · 16/04/2012 08:04

It probably would have been polite for her to do so but perhaps she had other stuff on? I have a few people who have been over and not the invited us back but try not to get too paranoid. Perhaps she will invite him over next half term

usualsuspect · 16/04/2012 08:06

How old? Can't he just play with the local kids

Original poster
ravenheart · 16/04/2012 08:09

10 year olds.
Believe it or not ds doesn,t play out no kids around here to play with.
The ones that do only remain in their back gardens he has never got to know anyone.

OP posts:
Gumby · 16/04/2012 08:12

Don't invite him round again until she reciprocates Grin

Original poster
ravenheart · 16/04/2012 08:13

Well I suppose I invite him for ds's sake really he is a nice kid and I like his mom glad that she lets him come to ours I suppose I should stop moaning.

OP posts:
Rillyrillygoodlooking · 16/04/2012 08:15

I'm with gumby Grin
I would also feel disappointed.

Megatron · 16/04/2012 08:17

It's a shame, especially for your son but you always get people like this. To be honest, I would probably still invite him purely for your sons benefit as it would a shame if he missed out on time with his friend because of his mum. I don't really know a way round it other than to ask her outright which would be a bit awkward!

ivykaty44 · 16/04/2012 08:20

The ones that do only remain in their back gardens he has never got to know anyone.

Could he knock the door and ask if they want to play out?

That was what used to happen in my day and my dd1's day, children knocked the door to ask and dd got to know them that way in the holidays. A couple of girls where a bit older and one a bit younger and they all played together .

Original poster
ravenheart · 16/04/2012 08:20

The only contact I had off her was to remind me to bring her ds's ds charger back to school as he had left it at ours when he stayed at the beginning of the holidays I felt a little miffed.

OP posts:
Original poster
ravenheart · 16/04/2012 08:21

My ds can be a bit shy ivy

OP posts:
Rillyrillygoodlooking · 16/04/2012 08:23

That's a bit rude. I hope she thanked you for having her DS in the same message.

Original poster
ravenheart · 16/04/2012 08:24

Well she had already thanked me previously after I had him

OP posts:
TheCunningStunt · 16/04/2012 08:29

My DS had one friend who always came to our house...the mum never reciprocated. I have all but stopped the playing at our house as her DS is lovely but a bit full on. He now has a new friend who's mum reciprocates. But he is only five. I'd have text her and said the boys should get together and asked when she wanted to have dsGrin

mercibucket · 16/04/2012 08:30

Yep0it is disappointing but some people are like that and there's nothing you can do. Keep asking the other boy over. When they're older they can make their own arrangements to meet up. Ds1 is 9 but he mostly goes and knocks on for friends now. Does this boy live too far to walk round?

everlong · 16/04/2012 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 16/04/2012 08:32

Then take your ds by the hand and go and knock on the door with him the first time Smile The other parents may well be happy about local child being a play mate for their child as it is great entertainment when children play together as they are less likely to get bored

helpyourself · 16/04/2012 08:36

raven I would have taken the charger text as an opportunity to text back, I can bring it round and DS can stop and play, but I'm brassy like that. Grin
YANBU to be disappointed- YABU to be upset if it happens again- some people are not very fair when it comes to taking turns.

meditrina · 16/04/2012 08:38

Tricky - there are all sorts of reasons why someone might not reciprocate (excessive procrastination; terminal untidiness; making comparisons about relative size, style of house; difficulties with other in the house; socially incompetent in every sphere of life; generally not coping with life for some other reason).

If he's a good friend to DS, keep inviting him; DS will like it. And get the boys themselves to work on securing a return invitation. You might also find out more about the reasons ("Oh, didn't anyone mention that we've got builders in?" or "Mum says I can invite him when my little sister's not in hospital").

Sparklingbrook · 16/04/2012 08:58

I have a 12 year old. he is beginning now to make arrangements with his friends which is a change. Smile He asks me if so and so can come over I say yes and he texts them. It does get better.

DeWe · 16/04/2012 09:56

I had great plans for inviting friends over Easter. We were away for the first few days, which then got stretched for various reasons into a week. Various things that I couldn't move (dance exams extra practice/new windows being put in etc.) came up over the week we were away and we ended up having one free day in the whole holiday with nothing on.

Now I could have invited someone over then, but actually the children need a day when they can just relax without any pressure to get up etc. So I could have easily said to someone that I'd invite them over and I'd contact them when we were back, and not managed to.

Mrsjay · 16/04/2012 09:59

Yanbu to feel for your son but really you cant force an invite maybe they were away during easter , Just dont take the kid out again , we had this when my dd was in primary took a girl everywhere with us , and the mum preferred another friend who she always invited round , i just stopped taking her out with us ,

Everythingsgoingtitsup · 16/04/2012 10:51

Everlong - it's mom in the west midlands too

Mandy2003 · 16/04/2012 10:54

My 13 year old DS has a friend who has invited him to parties, sleepovers etc for the past year. His mum even took DS on a family outing recently. But when I say to DS why don't we invite this friend for tea or a sleepover DS refuses "Because we live in a flat and my friend has a big house" Sad

I've tried every comeback to that that I can think of but he won't budge. And the mum herself is not snobbish or anything like that at all. I feel so embarrassed but don't know what to do.

everlong · 16/04/2012 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

totallyskint · 16/04/2012 12:37

When you don't know the reason, assume the best i.e. that she wants to reciprocate but hasn't been able to. Maybe she isn't as organised as you or things came up unexpectedly.

I have a permanent list of children who we owe playdates to! I try to be very upfront with the parents about the likely timeframe as we are quite limited on opportunity.