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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get his sons hair cut.

42 replies

mrsscoob · 15/04/2012 18:27

My sil is separated from her ex partner they have a little boy. Mum likes the kind of surfer boy look for her son, he has longish hair, Dad prefers short hair has asked her a few times to get his hair cut. Kid doesn't care, he's 3. So he's come back from the weekend at his dads and he has had his hair cut short. My sil is very upset but her ex partner says hes done nothing wrong as he is quite within his rights to get his sons hair cut. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 15/04/2012 18:30

How short is short?
How long is long?

Wouldn't have happened if they had compromised.

They are both BU.

manicbmc · 15/04/2012 18:33

It's hair. It will grow back. Silly people Hmm

mrspepperpotty · 15/04/2012 18:35

I think it depends on whether the exP has form for going behind her back / against her wishes when parenting their son. If that's the case then I can understand her being upset. If they are generally pretty amicable then I think the ex has a point - why should it be her decision only?

catchafallingstar · 15/04/2012 18:37

kind of think yes he is being a bit unreasonable.
They discussed it and disagreed but he went ahead anyway. And if the boy is three, its not as if he's asking to get it cut, It was the dads wish to have it this way and disregarded the mum's opinion and the fact that the boy was quite happy with the status quo.

Yes it will grow back but its not the point. Its the attitude of the father here that annoys me.

Original poster
mrsscoob · 15/04/2012 18:37

Yes kind of my reaction too manic, but she is very upset. Um it was kind of floppy, it kind of fell round his face, not that long in length certainly not as far as his shoulders, now it is very short, probably a 2 on the sides, a bit longer on top.

OP posts:
JustHecate · 15/04/2012 18:37

either parent is entitled to get their child a hair cut, but such kind of battle is only going to cause bad feeling. It's far better to compromise. She could have had it trimmed a bit, he could have had it trimmed a bit. The last thing a child needs is for the parents to be doing battle over something so trivial as hair

Because clearly it's actually about Winning.

shesparkles · 15/04/2012 18:39

To be honest I'd be very unhappy too. My ds has quite long surfer type hair -because it makes the flat back of his head less obvious.
Once I left dh in charge when he was having it cut when he was about 3 and he told the hairdresser to keep cutting.
I was NOT HAPPY. Fortunately ds is old enough now to refuse to have it cut ;)

gafhyb · 15/04/2012 18:39

Yes, hair is one of those things where there is actually a compromise position. I wonder why no-one took it?

manicbmc · 15/04/2012 18:40

But why cause such a battle over it? They both sound unreasonable.

Better he has shorter hair - think of dragging a nit comb through his surfer dude hair.

mynewpassion · 15/04/2012 18:41

Maybe because they were scoring points off each other instead of compromising.

mayorquimby · 15/04/2012 18:42

they both sound like unreasonable twats tbf

GilbertandGeorge · 15/04/2012 18:42

I'd be very upset because for one thing, I hate short haircuts on little boys and for another, it was possibly done purely to piss off his ex.

mynewpassion · 15/04/2012 18:43

And she wasn't trying to piss off her ex by leaving it long either when she knew he didn't like it?

I agree that they were being unreasonable. Could've compromised.

manicbmc · 15/04/2012 18:43

Why does the father not get a say in how his son looks? Why is that the proviso of the mother? It hasn't harmed the child to have his hair cut. It will grow back fgs.

CremeEggThief · 15/04/2012 18:49

I would have been upset in your SIL's position, mainly because it sounds as if her ex did it to spite her.

McHappyPants2012 · 15/04/2012 19:20

It is not like he got his ear pierced, it is hair and it will grow back.

Coconutty · 15/04/2012 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 15/04/2012 19:29

he has had it cut to a number 2?! sorry but i would be pissed with that as it is VERY short and i dont like hair that short on little boys ie 3yrs old, it looks harsh imo.

it didnt reach his shoulders so wasnt even 'long' particularly, fair enough get it trimmed, or neatened up a bit, but to get it cut to a no 2!

my boys have always had long surfer style hair as toddlers, it looks sweet and they are only little once, they could have taken him together to get his hair cut and agreed on a style it is a bit off for a father seperagted or not from his partner to get the childs hair cut in a style he knew the mum wouldnt like.

slipperandpjsmum · 15/04/2012 19:32

My son has a surfer style. I would be very upset if someone cut his hair.

ENormaSnob · 15/04/2012 19:33

Ds2 has surfer hair.

I would be fucking seething if dh, or anyone else, had it cut.

mayorquimby · 15/04/2012 20:29

"it is a bit off for a father seperagted or not from his partner to get the childs hair cut in a style he knew the mum wouldnt like."

And the same goes for a mother keeping her sons hair in a style that his father doesn't like.
There was room for compromise here and an easier solution to be foundbut they both decided to act like twats.

pingu2209 · 15/04/2012 20:33

I really don't like the long surfer hair cut on a boy. I feel it is is the the parents way of acting cool.

However, the people I know with boys with long surfer style hair, they would all be extremely upset at their boys hair being cut. I would say that the sil would be totally Reasonable at being upset.

5madthings · 15/04/2012 20:39

i said they could have taken him TOGETHER to get it cut in a style they agreed on!

it wasnt even THAT long the op says it wasnt even down to his shoulders, it fell around his face, so that ISNT long! it is now a no 2, which by any standards IS very short, thats not a compromise and if the mother has residency then she does make most of the parenting decisions and choices by default, to go and get his hair cut that short was imo not very nice.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 15/04/2012 20:40

I would have thought it probably looks better cut, and I don't think the father did anything wrong. Nothing more wrong than what the Mum was doing anyway, they were equally disrespectful of each others wishes.

The father is not less entitled to be a parent just because of the split, and if the mum wanted to prevent the upset she is feeling now, she could have done. She could have just had it cut a little to make it look neater, and that's what she should have done if she knew her dc's Dad woud have appreciated it. Instead she refused to compromise or do anything at all, and it's backfired.

5madthings · 15/04/2012 20:45

the dad could just have got it trimmed to look a little neater if he wanted it cut that much, imo hair as short at a no 2 looks awful on little boys, especially toddlers, fair enough once they are school age and you want to discourage nits etc, but even then its a very harsh hair cut and he could have had it cut short but not that short.