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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think everyone should butt out r.e. my dp's £2000 lottery win?

49 replies

Monica2012 · 14/04/2012 11:10

My partner has just won £2000 on the lottery. We live together and as i'm on a much lower income, he earns 5 times per month what I earn, I pay half the rent, half the supermarket shop and £20 towards bills every month. He pays everything else.

Every few months he treats me to a night away in a hotel and takes me out for dinner once a week. Every four months or so, he also comes home with a surprise voucher to get my hair done.

So, he won this £2000, and members of my family are saying he should've given me half, and that it's ridiculous and selfish of him to still make me pay my share of the rent/shopping. I don't agree with them. Who IBU?

OP posts:
MrsKittyFane · 14/04/2012 11:13

£2000 and he's treating you both? I don't see the problem.

But If he won £2000 and bought himself a week in Amsterdam I'd be a bit cross

YANBU. None of their business.

GilbertandGeorge · 14/04/2012 11:14

Surely, as a couple, the money would be for both of you?

kickmewhenimdown · 14/04/2012 11:14

Well, put it this way if you won ten million on the lottery, would he expect any? If not, he is not being unreasonable.

In our house (where dp earns about 6 times as much as me) everything goes in joint account and eveything comes out joint account. If he won £2k we'd probably both agree how it would be spent.

Red2011 · 14/04/2012 11:16

I would say that it is nobody else's business but yours and your partners. With regard to your current financial arrangements, it sounds like a very balanced approach.
When I was earning lots, I paid half the mortgage, half the bills and most of the shopping. Now the situation is reversed, and I pay towards the shopping, and half the other shared expenses (I am now a full time student).

As long as you are happy with the situation then nobody ibu

Hassled · 14/04/2012 11:17

It's completely up to you and him and if you're happy, then ignore the family mutterers.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 14/04/2012 11:19

Well, this is your relationship and this is how you choose to deal with money. So yes, they should all butt out, none of their business.

But personally I feel that if I'm sharing my life, my soul, and my body with someone then I'm sharing the money, too ... Joint accounts and shared decisions here. We wouldn't even have the debate - we'd both be saying we won the lottery regardless of who bought the ticket.

ChippyMinton · 14/04/2012 11:20

Its two grand not 2 million. Ignore them all and enjoy being treated.

ImperialBlether · 14/04/2012 11:34

You say, "I pay half the rent, half the supermarket shop and £20 towards bills every month. He pays everything else."

So okay the bills are more than your £20 contribution (obviously) but you are paying half of the rent and half of the food. I don't think he's being particularly generous given he earns FIVE TIMES what you earn!

I think money won like that belongs to the family, but we always had joint accounts, so a lottery ticket would be paid for out of joint money.

I don't envy you your financial relationship - it must be awful always being so much worse off than your partner.

JustHecate · 14/04/2012 11:36

Do you pay the same percentage of your incomes into the joint pot?

Because he earns 5 times more than you yet you pay HALF the rent, HALF the food and £20 towards bills?

What else is there?

Have you worked out what % you are both paying? Because I bet my bottom dollar you are paying a far higher percentage of what you earn than he is.

That is really unfair.

re the £2000 - well, it seems mean, but you're happy with it so that's all that matters.

Aribura · 14/04/2012 11:41

The best stealth boasts are the ones where nobody realises.

AmberLeaf · 14/04/2012 11:48

I think he sounds mean!

You pay proportionately way more than he does!

Original poster
Monica2012 · 14/04/2012 11:53

Thanks for your replies. After i've paid half the rent and half the grocery bills, I have a little bit more left than I used to when I lived alone, but dp is £250 better off seeing as i'm paying half our rent since I moved into his home. He always has loads of spare money which he mostly puts into his savings account, and buys new things for his car, and then takes me out once a week. I didn't think he was treating my unfairly expecting me to pay half rent and half shopping as I like to pay my way, but now i'm wondering if he's being unfair expecting me to pay all that on my weasly wage. I'm on £700 per month, while he's on about £3000 per month.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/04/2012 11:53

What's the stealth boast, Aribura?

ImperialBlether · 14/04/2012 11:54

If you tell us what your rent and grocery bills are (in total) we can show you how much he benefits from you living there!

everlong · 14/04/2012 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpinePony · 14/04/2012 11:55

Wow! You sound "grateful" for a grouping hair-voucher . :(

Your financial situation is really unbalanced.

AlpinePony · 14/04/2012 11:56

Fwiw, I earn 5 times as much as my husband and his only obligations are his own phone, car insurance (35 a month) and the family food bill.

I see now where I've been going wrong.

everlong · 14/04/2012 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 14/04/2012 11:57

Please tell us you dont do all the housework too.

LesAnimaux · 14/04/2012 11:59

The OP is only paying £20 towards bills. It sounds fair to me.

He won the money, he can do what he likes with it.

DH won a much smaller amount. I wouldn't have expected to give me half. And like hell I would give him half if I won

fedupofnamechanging · 14/04/2012 12:00

I agree that it's your business, but I think you should divvy up financial contributions in proportion to what you earn.

You are paying way more than you ought to, imo.

I would also expect lottery wins to be shared, but then in my household all money goes into a joint account and is ours. I understand that some people have separate finances, but your set up wouldn't work for me.

Be careful in the future of him wanting, for example a bigger/more expensive home/car/holiday etc that you would have bought for yourself and expecting you to pay half, still. You would essentially be subbing him and his chosen lifestyle.

If you are going to continue with this kind of split, you should be living according to the means of the lowest earner, not the highest.

everlong · 14/04/2012 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/04/2012 12:01

Just read your latest post - you moved into his home, so you are subbing him already.

fairestofthemall · 14/04/2012 12:05

Very odd set up/ Do you have dcs?

AmberLeaf · 14/04/2012 12:05

So he has a big chunk of your wages towards the general things [rent/food] even though he earns shitloads...but hes the good guy because he gives you a voucher to pretty yourself and he takes you out to dinner?