Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House falling apart, DH spends £1700 on new stereo

44 replies

Brightspark1 · 13/04/2012 22:49

Spent last 5 days quietly fuming. Window frames are rotting so windows need replacing. Sofa is 25 years old and is falling apart. Kitchen floor needs replacing. But DH doesn't see it. He is obsessed with paying off mortgage, and will not spend a penny on the house - pointless if house falls apart in the meantime. I work, but earn a fraction of his salary but it always seems to be me that I maintain the house while he spends his money on guitars and obscenely expensive stereo systems. Phew! Rant over, feel better now.

OP posts:
TheNightIsDarkAndFullOfTerrors · 13/04/2012 22:51
Shock

Can I not make you feel even better by saying what a twat your DH is?

Rhubarbgarden · 13/04/2012 22:53

Leave the bastard.

Hassled · 13/04/2012 22:54

Have you pointed the blindingly obvious out to him? Is this the sole element of twattery amongst a sea of redeeming features?

Original poster
Brightspark1 · 13/04/2012 22:58

Been married 20 years! Caring and generous in many ways but this is a blind spot. Every time I bring the subject up he just rolls his eyes.

OP posts:
MissFaversham · 13/04/2012 22:59

I'd be fuming too OP. Selfish pig oink. He obviously didn't consult did he before this huge purchase. Is he in "control" of your the money then?

startail · 13/04/2012 22:59

The kitchen was falling apart when we moved in 14 years ago, it still is.
DH really can't be bothered with the hassle, spending money on a 1000 and one hobby, holiday and just fun things is much easier, £1700 on a stereo Shock
did he ask?

verytellytubby · 13/04/2012 23:00

Book Relate.

manicbmc · 13/04/2012 23:01

It isn't a blind spot. It is him being a selfish arse. Tell him to sell it all and spend it on the house.

Original poster
Brightspark1 · 13/04/2012 23:04

Did he ask? No! His money! His choice! Me spending money on window cleaner and new coffee table - my choice.
Where did I go wrong?

OP posts:
Maryz · 13/04/2012 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Brightspark1 · 13/04/2012 23:06

Hi Maryz, yes we did have a perfectly good one

OP posts:
MissFaversham · 13/04/2012 23:07

By letting him get away with this sort of "blind" spot for years I guess Sad

Maryz · 13/04/2012 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unadulterateddad · 13/04/2012 23:10

he's definately being a selfish arse - probably because he's been allowed to get away with thinking it's "his money because he worked for it "

Sit down with him and talk it through - if that doesn't work, e-bay the lot when he's out to pay for the refurbs Grin

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/04/2012 23:23

"Where did I go wrong?"
In succumbing to the idea that money is "his" or "yours". You are a couple. A partnership. All money is joint.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 13/04/2012 23:27

Get a builder or surveyor in to quote for everything that is wrong with the house, get them to write a detailed report and give him a copy, he can't deny it if it is in black and white.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/04/2012 23:34

You need a joint bank account and for money left over, once bills are paid, to be divided equally. Part of your budgeting, to come out of the joint account, is money to be set aside for repairs and maintenance.

A couple should imo have the same amount of spending money, for their own interests. It's wrong for one to have loads of money and the other to have a lot less.

It's a false economy to not maintain a house - if windows rot, you will get all osrts of problems that could have been avoided.

MsVestibule · 14/04/2012 00:33

Ditto everything Karma said.

I really should not read threads like this - they make me feel extremely Angry. He is not giving your desire for a semi reasonable house any consideration, and that is not the action of a living, caring husband.

I'm a SAHM and yet my DH never, ever makes me feel that the money he earns is 'his' money. We get the same amount of spends each that we can spend on whatever we like, and major purchases for the house are decided between us.

Basically, he's being a shortsighted arse. YANBU. He is.

MsVestibule · 14/04/2012 00:35

Also, why have you been quietly fuming? I'd be fuming very loudly, and wouldn't care how much eye rolling I received in return.

bobbledunk · 14/04/2012 00:59

Well he can't hear you if you are only screaming in your own head, if he won't contribute properly out of love for you or concern for the house then make him do it for a peaceful life. New sofa or the new stereo gets itGrin.

joanofarchitrave · 14/04/2012 01:02

'He can't hear you if you are only screaming in your own head'

bobbledunk that is my new motto and should possibly be the slogan for Mumsnet.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2012 01:58

You married a musician, you made your bed I divorced mine you lie in it I feel your pain.

theodorakis · 14/04/2012 06:14

Does he know it's 2012? Who buys a new stereo in 2012?
Seriously though it is a crap thing to do but I really think you should set some money aside, however much you can and go out and blow the lot on yourself. The windows can wait and life is so short, if he can get pleasure from treats why can't you?

ripsishere · 14/04/2012 07:27

What is the point of paying the mortgage off on a decrepit property?

ChilliKnickers · 14/04/2012 07:27

My friend partner is like this, she is now in the middle of getting rid.

Swipe left for the next trending thread