House falling apart, DH spends £1700 on new stereo

[Brightspark1]

Spent last 5 days quietly fuming. Window frames are rotting so windows need replacing. Sofa is 25 years old and is falling apart. Kitchen floor needs replacing. But DH doesn't see it. He is obsessed with paying off mortgage, and will not spend a penny on the house - pointless if house falls apart in the meantime. I work, but earn a fraction of his salary but it always seems to be me that I maintain the house while he spends his money on guitars and obscenely expensive stereo systems. Phew! Rant over, feel better now.

maryz, Why does anyone need a stereo these days anyway? Surely an ipod and a cheap set of speakers does the job.

Maybe to you, maybe to myself, maybe to a million others, but not to an adiophobe.

OP, all I can suggest is you have a person come around to give a free window estimate, make sure your dh will be there at the time. Hopefully the window salesperson will show him the importance of good windows, energy saving, resale value and all that.

audiophile that should be!

gonna trial out my bog standard response to these men threads. is he Saggitarius!!!

There is nothing wrong with buying a stereo, if you can afford it.

OP why have you allowed this situation to exist?

I wouldn't be living with or married to someone without clear ground rules about money. Our money is viewed as communal and a large purchase like this would be discussed first and only bought if we both agreed on it. Your opinion on what money should be spent on should be as important as his in a real partnership.
I'd rather live alone than with someone who ignored my opinions.
I agree that you are 20 years too late for this discussion though and if you earn very little may have difficulty managing financially without him.

Stereo aside, we have only recently started to spend money on the house, as it has always been a priority to reduce mortgage but that is what WE decided and would never have spent that on a stereo.

Why is his salary 'his salary'? Why have you allowed him to get away with that? As a bare minimum you need a joint account to pay for repairs, upkeep, bills etc - you could do it as percentage of salary - keep the rest in indoividual accounts. Or just get the house put in your name and get him to pay you rent :-)

My first thought was like Mercibucket.

The root problem here is the income inequality. It never ceases to amaze me how many women put up with that.

I earn 3x what my fiancee does but we have a joint bank account at my insistence. It seems utterly ridiculous to me that if you are married to someone that you do not share literally everything.

Ebay it

What on earth do you mean, "his money, his choice?"
Surely it's family money he's wasting spending. This would be a BIG issue for me, not just one little irritating foible. Indicates a whole raft of deeper issues re: his attitude towards you, your opinions (valid concerns in this case) and the security of the family home.

Use the stereo to demonstrate on how much the windows need doing....by through the damn thing through them.

I think if it came to divorce he would very quickly discover that the law say it is your joint money, not his money and your money.

Very difficult to change these things if you've been putting up with them for 20 years though.

We have a similar situation to you op, but dh was previously bankrupt due to long term loss of control of his spending, so we decided to both put an equal amount in a joint account to pay regular bills, leaving us with 'our own' money so that dh doesn't go mad and spend everything..... It doesn't work very well though, as dh often needs baling out so that he can afford to get to work. Some people just aren't very good with money! Not sure if there is a solution.

Throw stereo through window.

Your choice!!

I am just that he considers it his money - you're married!

I'm with RandomMess (and others) - it's not his money, it's the family money. You should discuss any big purchases beforehand, especially those that cost £1700!!