Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a very sensible 13 year old can go on a train by herself

68 replies

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 13/04/2012 13:38

My DD is in Devon with my SIL

I have the choice of either driving to Devon and back (to Hertfordshire) on Sunday or letting her get a train into london on Sunday and me meeting her there.

My SIL will put her on the train and ensure she is seated safely (in 1st class if that makes a difference). I have asked my DD to let me know where she is throughout the train ride (calling or texts) and I will meet her in London (Waterloo) and bring her home.

My SIL and her DH both think that my DD will be fine (as do I) but my DH thinks we are giving our dd too much responsibility.

I can't go to Devon tomorrow as I am on a course all day and I work full time so can't get her at any other point.

My DD has a pony so is often left with the pony from breakfast until tea time at a local yard so is very able to look after herself whilst being out in public. She is very grown up and sensible for her age (being the eldest of 3 children)

What do you think..... is DH being over protective or am I being too laid back?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 13/04/2012 14:14

That's fine, my sister and I used to get trains like that - being met at either end - when I was 13 or so and in charge of my sister who would have been 10. The journey involved a change as well. When we were older we used to make our own way from the train station via a taxi as well Shock

DowagersHump · 13/04/2012 14:15

If your DH thinks that she shouldn't get the train then he should go and get her, not you. He's being silly

GetOrfMoiLand78 · 13/04/2012 14:15

It will be fine. It would be madness to drive from Herftordshire to Devon and back.

There are plenty of direct trains to Devon which go straight from London (Paddington though, not Waterloo) to Exeter (of course I don't know wher in Devon you are).

DD travelled from 14 from Gloucestershire to north devon, involving 1 and sometimes 1 changes.

All was fine. You get no more weirdos on a train than you would on a bus, in a shopping centre of the bakery aisle at tesco.

GetOrfMoiLand78 · 13/04/2012 14:16

Sometimes 2 changes.

lagoonhaze · 13/04/2012 14:17

I've done similar at that age. Try and get a sit close to buffet car.

Important she doesnt make lots of calls advertising fact she is alone.

If anyone asks where parents are either say "why do you ask that" or say in next carriage. I wanted some peace to read.

Also if she is using headphones. One ear out and volume not too high.

Maryz · 13/04/2012 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty · 13/04/2012 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theas18 · 13/04/2012 14:28

Does your dd do anything by herself normally?

If the answer is no then this isn't ok. It's not a " babystep" from being ferried o school by car and never having thought for herself. It would be unfair to expect her too.

However if you have let her get used to relying on herself to walk to school/ use the bus/ go and see her mates etc then it's absolutely fine.

My 12yr old ( year 8) goes on local buses/ trains all the time and is going to london soon to see bil/ sil.

Interesting that you as thinking of first class- id actually not choose that. Standard class is busier. Mine know to sit in a carriage with plenty of people and near a mum with kids if they are feeling odd/ unsafe. Agree take your valuable ps when you go to the loo and move seats/ carriages if you aren't feeling comfortable ( and trust if you aren't feeling comfortable around omeone- you don't need to wait something happens).

In first class they are more likely to be alone/ with only a few people ( likely middle aged business men- not that they are at more odd than any other public transport user!).

In many years of the kids travelling around the city by bus or train ( they are now 18 16 12 but started practicing travelling alone/ with siblings a bit from aged 10) we've had 1 incident - and that was with ds at nearly 16 - ime random person grabbed him by the neck and tried to strangle him! (6 pm on an ordinary bus back home from school!).

Coconutty clearly you are allowed your opinion but remember your kids will be " adults" at 18 and need to have practiced bit by bit being independent so they can cope. I have worked with uni students at 18 who were frankly at risk because they hadn't the life skills like using public transport etc under their belts.

thebody · 13/04/2012 14:29

I am an over protective mate but this sounds fine to me.

Got a phone and make sure she got food/cash and tell her she can move to another seat or carriage if she uneasy and of course tell the guard.

Sure she b fine.

TheSkiingGardener · 13/04/2012 14:31

As long as she's ok with it I would say no problem. Your DH is being overprotective. Can he articulate what exactly he is worried about?

BackforGood · 13/04/2012 14:34

Your dh is being overprotective.
Equally, I can't see the need to be constantly texting or calling whilst on the journey.

ivykaty44 · 13/04/2012 14:35

There is a whole thread about an 11 year old boy going on a train by himself this week and the outcome was the mother was buying tickets for the journey as most people seemed to think if he was sensible and she was happy then it was a good idea.

Hebiegebies · 13/04/2012 14:38

How did we manage before mobile phones?!

Took the train Exeter to Swindon, sometimes changing trains enroute at this age.

Now if you asked her to hitch hike I would be concerned.....

Coconutty · 13/04/2012 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeattieBow · 13/04/2012 14:38

I had a thread on here a while ago about my y6 11 yo doing this - the consensus was that she would be fine, and she was! She really enjoyed it, was put on the train at one end, and taken off at the other and she had her mobile with her.

My 13yo ds recently came back on the train on his own from my MILs and he came back on the tube on his own too (he travels in London on his own).

I think your dh is being over protective.

Tw1gl3t · 13/04/2012 14:43

DS1 used to do this all the time to get to and from school after exeat weekends...
There was no other way of doing it, out car was broken, so if he didn't have heaps of stuff/trunks/tuck boxes then he took himself on the train.

squoosh · 13/04/2012 14:44

13 is the ideal time to start giving that bit more independence. Otherwise how do kids learn any street savviness.

I've never met a crazy on a train although tin foil biro man sounds a bit alarming!

crazycarol · 13/04/2012 15:47

DD went on a train by herself (and came back!) to visit an aunt & uncle. We put her on the train at this end and told her the places where the train would stop so she could get off at the right station (perhaps not an issue if waterloo is the end of the journey). My aunt had a note of the seat and carriage and was waiting for her at the other end. We sent her 1st class as it was only £1 each way extra. We thought that first class would be better for her. There were no problems except that she didn't take any of the complimentary refreshments as she didn't want to run the risk of being charged! 13 is a good age to start developing independence. Just don't be late and leave her at the station by herself!

5madthings · 13/04/2012 15:54

it will be fine, my 12yr old does similar journeys on the train on his own :)

piellabakewell · 13/04/2012 15:58

I would, I live in London, my parents are in Devon and my DDs are 12 and 14.

Could you let the guard know she's travelling alone?

DD1 gets the train home from boarding school alone (I have to ring them when she gets here) and DD2 got the train to Thorpe Park and back a few weeks ago on her own. DD2 gets the bus all over west London too, often alone. Thank God for mobile phones :)

Original poster
PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 13/04/2012 17:28

thank you everyone

I will get my SIL to let the guard know that my DD is travelling by herself.

She is getting on at Axminster which goes through to Waterloo. No changes at all. She will get on at one end and when the train comes to a complete stop in London, I will be there to meet her. She can't miss her stop as she is getting off at the last stop.

She gets herself to and from school, goes shopping with friends and spends whole days down with her pony away from any adults. She is very confident and I have no doubts that she would be fine to ask for advice regarding stations and stops should she get mixed up at all.

OP posts:
Aribura · 13/04/2012 19:34

First class? For a 13 year old? I would go for standard.

musicposy · 13/04/2012 19:38

Also wondering why first class. Standard will be busier and therefore safer, I would have thought.

Yes, my 12 year old DD would do this with no problem.

Smellslikecatspee · 13/04/2012 20:26

I would also advise standard class, a lot more people around.

Though saying that I'm sure at 13 she'll be grand.
I think sometimes that we forget that most people are nice and good. I would ask/ interfere if I thought a young person travelling alone was being harassed, and have done in the past.

Hebiegebies · 14/04/2012 00:43

Only time I've ever had problems travelling as a woman on her own was when I was in first class, I had the carriage to myself till this lad got on. In the end I had to ask the guard to help. Will only travel standard now

Swipe left for the next trending thread