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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Want to Put My Inheritance in My Name

58 replies

chillikate · 13/04/2012 12:49

Just come into quite a large inheritance from my Great Aunt who never had children.

DH wants to put it in joint names because of tax benefits (ISAs), but I'd rather keep it in my name even if we lose out on a little bit of interest. I feel like all the money that was ever mine is now "ours" (half the deposit on our house was a gift from this aunt) and things with my husband aren't great so I want to have a bit of my own money - just in case.

AIBU??

(Incidentally when we sell our house in a year or so's time and upsize this money will be invested in the house so this is only short term)

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 13/04/2012 12:52

YANBU! Keep it in your name and only invest in upsizing if you think your marriage is a keeper. Don't give away your security when you don't trust your husband.

Katz · 13/04/2012 12:54

surely if your married then it doesn't matter who's money it is as it will be a joint asset. I was under the impression that anything solely in DH's name is still half mine.

Proudnscary · 13/04/2012 12:54

I came into a bit of money a few years ago from both grandfathers. I put it in joint name account because I feel all money is our money BUT if 'things aren't great' with you and dh - definitely, 100% put it in your name!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 13/04/2012 12:56

I would normally say YABU in this situation because I think if you are married all finances should be a joint thing for both of you. Otherwise you may as well not be married.

But if things with your dh aren't great and you think there is a chance you won't always be together, then you should definatly keep it in your name, although that might not stop him having a claim to it should you divorce. Maybe you should think about putting some of it away for your dc instead of thinking about buying a bigger house with a husband that things aren't great with.

You also need to think about how much you want to make your marriage work, because if things aren't great now, I can't imagine that keeping this money in your name only will help.

RandomMess · 13/04/2012 12:56

I think inheritance money can be treated differently to rest of the marital assets, please check.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 12:56

I don't understand your OP?

You said "I feel like all the money that was ever mine is now "ours"

And then went on to say half the deposit money was your Aunt's?

LydiaWickham · 13/04/2012 12:57

Katz - if they are married and get divorced then it doesn't matter who's name it is, it's equally up for grabs, however, if they stay married, it does matter as he won't be able to access it and the OP controls what happens to it. This is also important for the 'in-between' period between being married and divorced, when the OP might need access to money for short term cash flow issues.

justmatureenough2bdad · 13/04/2012 12:57

if you don't trust your husband, then keep it in your name, but there is no surer way of signalling to him that you don't trust him and want a contingency fund...

you entered into a marriage contract...part of that is the mutual owner ship (isn't richer or poorer part of the vows)...if you aren't willing to honour that...it doesn't overly surprise me that things between you aren't great. sorry to sound so mean, it really isn't intended maliciously!

Vinomcstephens · 13/04/2012 12:57

Normally I'd say YABU because I can't imagine either DP or I inheriting money and not considering it completely "ours" buuuuuuuut if things really aren't great between you and your DH then maybe you should....I've been divorced but we just split all our money 50/50 so I don't know about any legal implications if you do split up. If you think a split is on the cards then yes, keep it to yourself I guess.

Northernlurker · 13/04/2012 12:59

Yes exactly Lydia

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 13:01

Have to agree with justmature

What vows did you take?

Original poster
chillikate · 13/04/2012 13:02

I feel like my husband doesn't appreciate the contributions made by me / my family to what are now "joint Assets".

The only reason I feel I want to keep the money in my sole name, is if I feel the need to move out I have the financial ability to do so!!

I had a breakdown in October and DHs mum died suddenly in December. We have a lot to work through before we upsize our house and I would only do this is I was really sure.

TBH - for me, our DS is a far greater bond than marriage, or owning a house.

OP posts:
kickmewhenimdown · 13/04/2012 13:02

I think its a hard one to call. How would you feel if your dh received a large inheritance and you did not, and he wanted to keep it his sole name? I know how i'd feel and it would not be positive.

ivanapoo · 13/04/2012 13:02

Ultimately it's your money. DH inherited some money and v kindly is putting a lot of it into a deposit but has also kept a big chunk back for him and I'm happy for him to do that. But we don't have kids and aren't struggling financially, maybe I'd feel different if that was the case.

Why on earth are you thinking about buying a new house though if you're so unhappy in your relationship you want a contingency fund?!

Heswall · 13/04/2012 13:05

Isn't money that's acquired during the marriage automatically joint money legally speaking ?
I don't think it matters who's name it's in, he would have a claim on it if anything happens.

Original poster
chillikate · 13/04/2012 13:06

Without getting into details, I can assure you that my DH has committed far greater sins against our marriage vows than this!!!

OP posts:
sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 13:07

You're in a very difficult position. Thanks for enlightening us some more on what's going on.

If you really feel that your problems really can't be worked out....and that the marriage is coming to an end then you will need to ensure you have enough money to make the change.

Hope that you can work things out.....

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 13/04/2012 13:07

I also don't understand your DH's logic, unless he means that he can use your inheritance (held in the joint account) to open an ISA in his name, because ISA's cannot be held jointly.

If this is the case, then the money will be in his name, not joint names.

Interesting approach.......

Original poster
chillikate · 13/04/2012 13:08

kickme - good point.... he got an inheritance 2 years ago which is in his name!!! Far less, but an inheritance the same.

OP posts:
RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 13/04/2012 13:08

Also, money hald by either partner in marriage is not "50% the other person's". If you split, then a 50/50 split is the starting point for a settlement, but there are loads and loads of factors that will be taken into consideration when determining the final outcome.

Northernlurker · 13/04/2012 13:09

Yup - sound slike what's his, is his and what's yours should be his too? Bollocks to that.

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 13:09

Have no idea what your husband has done....but generally I would say that when any partner in a marriage has an affair....or anything similar, then they have betrayed the marriage...and the trust.

When the trust is broken....it's very hard to come back from that (I would imagine).

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 13:11

and if he kept his inheritance.....then he set the standard.

You do the same....

YNK · 13/04/2012 13:11

OP it might be worth putting this in legal to see where you would stand in the event of a spit

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 13:13

kickme - good point.... he got an inheritance 2 years ago which is in his name!!! Far less, but an inheritance the same

And you didn't bother including that info in your OP because?? Confused