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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Want to Put My Inheritance in My Name

58 replies

chillikate · 13/04/2012 12:49

Just come into quite a large inheritance from my Great Aunt who never had children.

DH wants to put it in joint names because of tax benefits (ISAs), but I'd rather keep it in my name even if we lose out on a little bit of interest. I feel like all the money that was ever mine is now "ours" (half the deposit on our house was a gift from this aunt) and things with my husband aren't great so I want to have a bit of my own money - just in case.

AIBU??

(Incidentally when we sell our house in a year or so's time and upsize this money will be invested in the house so this is only short term)

OP posts:

NiceHamione · 13/04/2012 13:14

I think you need to consider how you would feel of your dh did this and if your marriage has a future. It does not sound like it to me.

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 13:15

Exactly worra

We really are getting things in dribs and drabs...

JustHecate · 13/04/2012 13:16

So he's got an inheritance in his name, but he wants the one you got to be shared?

That's unfair.

Tell him straight. He's done that, he can't have it both ways. Either all money is shared money or it's not. He doesn't get to do "what's yours is mine, what's mine's me own"

And, if he has done some shitty things - there is actually nothing wrong with saying no, I am not convinced we have worked through X, Y and Z to my satisfaction, I am putting this money to one side -for now - assuming we can address such and such and we are happy, we can revisit it.

Could it possibly be that he wants you to have no money of your own? If you've no cash you can't leave?

worldgonecrazy · 13/04/2012 13:19

part of that is the mutual owner ship (isn't richer or poorer part of the vows)...

Only if they were married in a church. Civil weddings make no such promises, just a legal declaration of no impediment to the marriage and a call upon those present to witness that they take each other as husband/wife.

YANBU, you don't trust your husband and things aren't great. Why are you even considering moving house? I'd put the money somewhere safe, or in a children's account (with you as the signatory).

He has already made the first move by not doing it with his inheritance. Get legal advice if you can.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 13/04/2012 13:20

hecate my concern is that it's worse than that. If the money is put into an ISA, then the OP has lost it entirely. It's in his name.

justmatureenough2bdad · 13/04/2012 13:21

i might be divulging too much here, but hey...me and mrs have a joint account and an ISA which we pay into from our joint account, but is in her name linked to the joint account....so its in her name, but i can see how much is there...that works for us. (i also have my old cashcard account which we put money into in the run up to her birthday and christmas so she can't figure out my surprise presents from the statement)

but...as suasages says...if he's done it, you do it...that does seem fair and equitable! and don't commit to further expense (upsizing) until you have addressed the "not great between us" thing

thebody · 13/04/2012 13:24

I find the whole post sad, seems to me your marriage is in name only as u obviously don't act as a team. Why would u upsize if you can't even pool your money, what's the point of a relationship built on mistrust and money grubbing.?

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 13/04/2012 13:26

just mature that doesn't matter though. The ISA is in your wife's name- you have no legal claim on it, even though it's being funded from joint funds. If you split and she cashed in the ISA and spent the whole lot on a week in the Maldives with the tennis coach, that's your tough shit

GrahamTribe · 13/04/2012 13:30

I wouldn't have told him I'd received the money so there would never be this problem. Still, it's done now, but fgs yes, if you feel that you might need the funds to get the hell out of an unhappy marriage then put it in your name and keep it that way. Better still, put it in the name of someone you really, really trust so he can't get his hands on it if the crap hits the fan!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 13/04/2012 13:31

Is he putting a lot of pressure on you to hold the money in both your names? Or is he trying to get you to put some into an isa in his name?

What does he say when you point out that his inheritance is still in his name only?

Bluegrass · 13/04/2012 13:39

He may well just be being sensible. We've just entered a new tax year and the obvious thing to do with a large arrival of cash is immediately shelter as much as possible from unnecessary tax. That means using up your ISA allowance, and then if that is full then filling up his ISA allowance before deciding what to do with any remainder.

If he is just suggesting you make use of his ISA allowance I would imagine that is what most couples would do (assuming no trust issues). He may have kept his inheritance in his own ISA because it was smaller and so didn't need to go into his wife's as well?

GrahamTribe · 13/04/2012 13:47

That may well be so Bluegrass, but it won't help the OP if she needs some cash to find somewhere to live and put some food in the cupboards should her already shaky marriage go tits up.

Original poster

chillikate · 13/04/2012 13:53

It would be in an ISA in his name.

And sorry but I forgot about his inheritance. It was a few years ago, he put it in his ISA and I believe (but don't know) that its still there.

We both work full time, pretty much earning the same. It goes into our own accounts and money is transferred into our joint account to cover household items. We got together as students and didn't want to share our debts. He still owes a lot in student loans, I got through Uni without one.

All I want it to be able to access money if I need it. All it will do for the next year is gather interest.

We don't live in the house we own, we relocated with work in the height of the recession so rent it out. Our fixed term mortgage ends in August and we will put it on the market then. Its losing us £500 a month. Then we plan to look at buying again. No rush to do so we're in a decent rented house hear DSs school. I won't enter into something like that unless I'm really sure.

OP posts:

justmatureenough2bdad · 13/04/2012 13:55

thanks richman...love the positivity. I think my ultimate point is that the original post is, in itself,an indictment of the state of the marriage.

I am confident that mrs wouldn't skip off to the maldives wothout me (and not only because she'd be lucky to get to skegness on what's in our ISA lol)

valiumredhead · 13/04/2012 13:57

I am in the same situation OP - dh told me very firmly that it was my money and I am to do with it what I want. As we are married and everything is pooled together anyway I have put it into joint savings account, and paid most of mortgage off.

Unless it is shed loads of money will it gather that much interest? Why does it have to be in his name?

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 13/04/2012 13:59

justmature Sorry- I am a professional cynic. I probably should have been a divorce lawyer- think I missed my calling..........

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 14:11

With interest rates as poor as they are right now, it actually does make sense to put as much into ISA's and Bonds as possible...so that you benefit from as much interest as you can. Using up his ISA allowance as well as your own makes sense.

That's what Hubs and I do. We have a joint account for equal payments from our salary's for bills etc, our own separate accounts and joint investments.

We trust each other 100% though...which is the big difference...and we trust each other to do the right thing by each other...should we ever split up (which is something we don't imagine ever happening).

sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 14:15

If my hubs or I ever inherited....we would share it.

I'd be pretty mortified if he pocketed the lot....and he the same.

But then we took those old fashioned vows...."and all my worldly goods with thee I share"...or words to that effect!

PinkyCheesy · 13/04/2012 14:34

Can I ask if either of you has a good pension? My mum sees my inheritance from her as equivalent to a pension, as I don't have one. DH has a good company pension do he will be ok.

It's not just divorce that worries me. If I died and DH remarried someone with older children, if I hadn't set up that money carefully, it could end up benefitting a whole other lot of people from those my mum had planned on.

We have our own accounts as well as joint accounts; we do have "my money" as well as "our money" and it works fine. Just because we made vows in church doesn't change that.

BearPear · 13/04/2012 15:02

My DH has inherited 3 times following deaths in his family and each time I was adamant that he should chose what we should do with the cash - I would have felt extremely awkward dictating what we should do as I saw this as "his" money. Obviously he wasn't of the same opinion and said we should decide together, but he understood how I felt.

I don't think I have explained this too well, but putting it crudely it felt to me like "compensation" for his loss, and it was him, not me who lost his mum etc, so by rights it was his to invest/spend, but ultimately it was done to our joint benefit through his choice.

Bluegrass · 13/04/2012 15:08

Grahamt - this sounds like a very different situation from a non working partner needing a security blanket if things go tits up. If both are in full time employment and earning about the same there is already a level of independence. If the husband is suggesting splitting this between more than 1 ISA then it is presumably over 11,000. That's not "putting food on the table if you split up" money, this is the sort of cash that will be taken into account as marital assets in the event of a split.

That might not happen for ages or it might not happen at all but wanting to keep it all in the OP's name regardless of tax efficiency definitely sends out a very clear message that this is no longer a team. Perhaps that is the idea, to send a message that all is definitely not well.

Original poster

chillikate · 13/04/2012 15:34

Actually I might earn a very good salary but if DH and I split up I would have nothing to set up a new home with. Its all tied into our owned house and our rented house.

If we stay together the money will go to put a roof over our sons head. If we split up the money will go to put a roof over our sons head. Whats the difference, other than where I want to "store" the money for a year. I have no plans to fritter it on cars, holidays, shoes or anything else.

OP posts:

Hassled · 13/04/2012 15:41

Keep it in your name. As Hecate said, you can revisit it in a year or two if things are more settled.

You're clearly feeling unhappy and a bit twitchy re the long-term future of your marriage for whatever reason and you'd feel more secure with an escape fund - absolutely fair enough. Especially as he already has his own little pot stashed away. Stick to your guns and hold onto the money.

4aminsomniac · 13/04/2012 16:58

Just a thought on the numbers ... If you don't invest cash in an ISA in his name, but put it in an ordinary account in your name, that is £5640 getting say 3% interest, getting taxed at say 20%, costing you £34 per year. I don't know about you, but I would pay £34 to have unfettered access to My money in the event of a break up!

BellaVita · 13/04/2012 17:10

My grandad left me some money - not come through yet, but DH said to me it was mine and if I chose to spend it or save it then that was up to me... I told him that it belonged to both of us.

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