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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that this woman was rude and my children aren't 'feral'?

72 replies

NoMoreRoom · 13/04/2012 09:46

My first AIBU, but been here long enough to know I'll get honest reponses and I will consider them all. DH thinks I'm worrying too much!

Yesterday, DH took 3 eldest boys fishing and rang mid morning to suggest we meet at the family friendly pub, 2 miles from us for lunch. I said I'd walk to meet him there as the twins (10 months) should go to alseep.

The pub has a huge outdoor area, wooded playpark, bouncy castle, petting area, and all the outdoor tables are set back from this. There is no boundary fence. It has rained here lot's lately!

So I arrive pushing my double pushchair, see DH sat on a bench and go over to him.

The 3 boys see me and run over to me yelling 'mum, and nomore'

There was a lady stood between our bench and the park (almost in the park tbh) with a coffee. DSS2 (5) ran close to her but had seen her and ran round her. She however did a very melodramic and oscar worthy hands thrown in the air action and spilt coffee on her white coat.
The boys were not running in the seating area - they know not too.

Anyway this lady started being quite rude saying my children were out of control, shouldn't be running around, and that we should pay for her coat to be dry cleaned. DH very calmly told her it was the playarea so the boys had done nothing wrong. She then started commenting on how muddy they looked and looked at my double with sleeping twins, looked at my very pg belly and said very loudly:

"I can't believe your actually going to have more children when you can't control the ones you've got"

AIBU to think that the elder boys did nothing wrong or am I really raising a bunch of feral boys?

OP posts:

RosemaryandThyme · 13/04/2012 12:46

Hi - A tip for being out and about with multiple children - I just think it's a numbers thing - when one child runs around it's no big deal, when two, three, or more are on the move, particularly boys, it does just look as though they are wild and poorly parented.

I regularly have the supervision of 8 community children where I live - just us all walking down the road can look intimidating, seeing them all charge across a park can look like a mad possie of children who should be better controlled, add the tatty clothes, home-done hair-cuts and regular splashes of mud and yup it would be very very easy to look at us all and make nasty comments.

However my tribe are well schooled in taking the higher ground, they extend good manners to all, hold gates open for other children, say sorry just to keep the peace, slip into single-file waking when someones coming towards them - they know that mum not getting harrassed or hasselded when we're out and about means an hour less of kumon maths when we get back.

CremeEggThief · 13/04/2012 14:19

YANBU! What a foolish woman. I hope you weren't upset too much by her catty comment.

Pendeen · 13/04/2012 15:24

I think she was mad to go to a 'family friendly pub' in the first place.

Aribura · 13/04/2012 15:29

Of COURSE she was "2 metres away from the slide". Information straight from our unbiased OP. I'd love to hear what the woman would have to say.

Why would you throw a hot drink on your coat to make a point?

stealthsquiggle · 13/04/2012 15:32

I would have apologised in advance - I spend my life apologising for my DC almost running into people - it takes the wind out their sails. I also think that coffee in a play park is hardly the crime of the century [caffeine addict]. However, it seems she went straight on the offensive without giving anyone a chance to apologise, her remark was extremely rude and happy muddy boys sound great to me.

Original poster

NoMoreRoom · 13/04/2012 15:36

Hi, thanks for all replies and sorry I diappeared. DH returned home from a meeting and the boys wanted to go swimming so we all went as a family.
Mostly it involved me spending time in the cafe with coffee and chips as the twins only manage about half hour, BF and sleep. it was bliss!

DSS2 did swim without his armbands though .

It's nice to see the general concensus is IANBU. I think I was more upset at the comments re too many children and control than the actual situation with the coffee. Personally I wouldn't dream of being in/near a children's playarea with anything breakable/spillable/ I didn't want dirty. But then I have 5 boys so did wonder if that was just me!

pimp I agree with you that 1m may have seemed close to her. DSS2 had come down the slide and it's one of those where it goes so fast they kind of have to put there feet down and run to stop - or hit the ground with a thud! He had come down, had started to run, saw the lady and dodged her as best he could.

I guess I may be a little sensitive because of pregnancy - but also pregnancy was a huge shock unplanned surprise but totally our fault! and I have been worried about how I will cope with a newborn and 13 month old twins.

OP posts:

Original poster

NoMoreRoom · 13/04/2012 15:38

Ari I don't think she actually meant to spill the coffee on her coat. It happened as part of her reaction. There were other children running between us/benches and playarea.

OP posts:

YonWhaleFish · 13/04/2012 15:38

I'd have growled at her and tried to froth at the mouth a bit

stealthsquiggle · 13/04/2012 15:45

NoMoreRoom you appear to cope admirably with your tribe of boys - I am sure you will cope with extra one fine . I still think the idea of some poor unfortunate teenage boyfriend having to meet your DD's 5 big brothers will be invaluable in sustaining you through the toddlers-and-small-baby stage

Original poster

NoMoreRoom · 13/04/2012 15:52

Never thought of that stealth There will be 10 years between DS1 and DD so by the time she has her first boyfriend (14?) she'll have 5 brothers aged 24,23,19,15 and 15. Should be fun.

Although does that mean I'll be feeding 5 extra girls regulary and will they want GF to stay here? Don't the girls usually goes to the boys house?

OP posts:

Heswall · 13/04/2012 15:56

Who the fuck buys a white coat ?

FrothyOM · 13/04/2012 15:56

I think she overreacted due to the shock of spilling the coffee on herself too.

Your boys sound fine to me.

Heswall · 13/04/2012 15:57

I will be insisting the boys come to our house, DH remembers what a little bastard charmer he was with teenage girls and so wants to keep an eye and mould any boyfriends.

stealthsquiggle · 13/04/2012 16:04

If you are feeding 5 teenage / young adult boys, a few teenage girls will be a rounding error on your mass catering

5madthings · 13/04/2012 16:04

she was stood essentially in a play area, near the bottom of the slide with a hot drink, where children ARE going to run around!

i have 4 boys and know what they can be like, they were careful and went ROUND the woman, she spilt her drink, i may have said sorry to her, but really its a pub wiht a play area, children are going to be running around so as an adult you know to be careful with hot drinks?!!

and congratulations on your preg and a girl! my no 5 was a girl, again a bit of a shock but lovely and my boys dote on her, as i am sure your boys will do as well :) enjoy :)

Original poster

NoMoreRoom · 13/04/2012 16:09

I actually have a white coat! It's a vaire posh one that hasn't gone round me in 2 years! used for the few occasions DH and I go out someone nice.

Yesterday however I was wearing mens green wellies and a large pink floral mac in a bag and I wear a fleece underneath if it's cold! My leggings and 'dress' were reasonably respectable and well hidden.

TBF I haven't seen this lady before so would imagine her and her family were on holiday, or she was visiting family. They were not dressed in clothes we are use to using. OMG that sounds very much like I'm calling her an outsider for not being local! But where we live there are fields and tracks which create a shortcut to most places. It is usual for children and adults to wear wellies/ walking boots and waterproofs if they are going out.

Shopping centre, supermarket etc are all driving distance.

OP posts:

HandMadeTail · 13/04/2012 16:24

Don't take it to heart, NMR.

She was upset about spilling her coffee on her lovely white coat, and took it out on you.

Today, she may well be feeling ashamed that she was so nasty, and can see that it was at least partly her fault, and really, just an accident.

Your family sound lovely, and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Original poster

NoMoreRoom · 13/04/2012 16:29

Rosemary Thanks. I certainly could use some advice. Mostly walking round here are pathways as well as pavements. The 2 elder boys tend to walk in front or behind me and DSS2 holds the pushchair on the pavement. They do tend to move over for other people, but certainly think if they made it more obvious people would notice iyswim? Although my double is wider than them!

OP posts:

NowWeKnow · 13/04/2012 16:36

White coat/ coffee/ kids play area. It was never going to end well for her really was it?

Original poster

NoMoreRoom · 13/04/2012 20:16

Probably not

OP posts:

Tryharder · 13/04/2012 20:29

Your 5 year old probably did run a bit close. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose or was intentionally "rude" - to suggest a 5 year old is rude for this reason is silly.

I would have apologised to the lady for the coat - he probably did startle her and I'm sure she didnt spill coffee down herself on purpose!

But she had no business being that rude. She was out of order.

aquashiv · 13/04/2012 20:58

Small children and white coats yep is wasnt going to end well.
She sounds a charmer.

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