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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wedding gift

43 replies

feelmeanbut · 12/04/2012 22:48

I'm going to a dn's formal wedding - sit down 4 course meal for me and dh - am intending to give £200 gift (cash instead of gifts requested) only one wage earner, and on average saary, am I being too mean?

OP posts:
shesparkles · 12/04/2012 22:49

I think you're being very generous-in a good way :)

AKissIsNotAContract · 12/04/2012 22:49

That seems very generous.

MerryMarigold · 12/04/2012 22:49

what? no way. 50 is fine.

schoolgovernor · 12/04/2012 22:49

£200?? You are joking aren't you? Get a gift off their list, and personally I think £200 is OTT unless you are really close. Do what you can afford.

RecursiveMoon · 12/04/2012 22:50

Really?

A wedding gift should be a combination of what you would like to give and what you can afford to give. Nothing more, nothing less.

ImperialBlether · 12/04/2012 22:51

That is very generous. Do you really think you should give more?

Original poster
feelmeanbut · 12/04/2012 22:51

in a way I feel we are only giving £100 as the meal and wine would cost around £100 if we were going to this hotel on a 'treat' -

OP posts:
floweryblue · 12/04/2012 22:51

£200 would be generous and reasonable in my close family.

Kayano · 12/04/2012 22:51

200!!!!! Wtaf?! 50 hell even 30
Is fine!

FairhairedandFrustrated · 12/04/2012 22:52

My mum's rule of thumb is to give enough to cover her meal. So given that, would a four course sit down meal for two cost £200?

I think it's an awful lot and may make your relative feel uncomfortable.

Cherriesarelovely · 12/04/2012 22:52

That sounds like too much to me. Obviously if you can afford it and want to then it is up to you but that is alot of money.

floweryblue · 12/04/2012 22:53

If you would rather give a £200 gift, that they may not like/want, would you feel better?

schoolgovernor · 12/04/2012 22:53

You aren't reimbursing them for the cost of you going to the wedding, that is their gift to you. Why do you want to give money rather than something off their list?

JobCarHouseNoBaby · 12/04/2012 22:53

Wow I'm a bride this year and no way would expect such a large sum! Give whatever you wish and can confortably afford. Id feel sick to my stomach receiving a gift I know the sender struggled to find the money for.

lisad123 · 12/04/2012 22:53

You aren't paying for being a guest at tHe wedding!!
£50 is more than enough

Tulipchoc · 12/04/2012 22:54

Sounds like an awful lot. When we got married no-one spent that much on a present for us and there's no way I'd have expected them to!

ENormaSnob · 12/04/2012 22:54

Way too much IMO.

Unless you are loaded.

Original poster
feelmeanbut · 12/04/2012 22:55

starting to feel a bit better now, thanks mumsnet

OP posts:
PommePoire · 12/04/2012 22:55

What is your relationship with your niece or nephew? If s/he's like a beloved daughter/son to you, then £200 which you can afford to give is a lovely and generous gesture.

If they had a wedding list a department store would you have chosen a material gift of say, crystal glasses to the value of £200? IMO 'requesting' anything from your guests is poor form, but you didn't ask that.

mummybare · 12/04/2012 23:02

If you are close to the B&G and can afford it, then £200 is fine, but I wouldn't feel bad giving less if I were you in that situation. We got more from very well off aunt and uncle but much less from others, and were equally grateful for all gifts. It has nothing to do with the type/cost of the wedding, IMHO.

Original poster
feelmeanbut · 12/04/2012 23:03

they dont have a wedding gift list, they asked for money instead. It is my nephew, and I love him dearly, we're not that well off,(only one of us earns, have a motgage, and only just make average salary) but have been saving for this event, and we have quite wealthy relatives who will probably give generously (not trying to keep up, but dont want to be mean)

OP posts:
YeahThatsTheBadger · 12/04/2012 23:03

That's about how much my aunties or uncles, or my Mum or Dad, would give if they went to a niece/nephews wedding.

Inertia · 12/04/2012 23:04

Sounds like a lot of money to me! I'd agree that £30-£50 seems to be about the standard amount, £200 is far from mean.

It's irrelevant what the wedding meal costs. The bride and groom chose that, and they invited you as a guest. Your gift to the couple isn't supposed to cover costs and then some- it's meant to be a gift of whatever you can reasonably give.

schoolgovernor · 12/04/2012 23:06

If you're not well off then I'm sure your DN is aware of that. Give what you can afford.
This is one reason why I am uncomfortable about people asking for money as a wedding gift. Sorry, I misunderstood your original post, thought you'd decided to give money instead of a gift.

YeahThatsTheBadger · 12/04/2012 23:06

Sorry, cross posted with your last post. But if that isn't an amount you would normally give, then give what you can comfortably afford. Your nephew will appreciate a card with a lovely, personal and heartfelt message and you being able to share the day with them.