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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be a sahm until ds2 starts school in2013

33 replies

Iamgiulietta · 12/04/2012 10:37

For health reasons I haven't really worked for the last year, I am on conts based jsa which is due to run out next month. I have 2 kids aged 7 and 3. The three year old is at morning nursery until 11.45 each day. My mum and dad work, theinlaws don't but aren't much use for babysitting as they always at the gym or on holiday etc that's fine they have raised their family! I used to work full time and paid about 640 per mOnth in childcare I could not cope with full time work now and don't wAnt to have to work to pay someone else to look after my little one all the time. Don't want to go back to my old line of work as I ended up hating it. Looking at library work and if something part time came up I would def take it. Doing voluntary work in a library ATM, so I suppose what I am asking is AIBU to want to be a SAHM until I get the littlest in ft school (school has an affordable and good breakfast and after school club) cos my hubby thinks I am he wants me to get a job ASAP. We can just about manage with money. Sorry for complete stream of consciousness but am writing this on my phone.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/04/2012 10:39

Most of the libraries around here have closed down and those that haven't, are mainly run by volunteers like yourself.

I can't see you getting a paid job in a library any time soon Sad

Kayano · 12/04/2012 10:41

Depends
If
You and your family are happy for you to 'just about manage'

I would love to be a SAHM but
I am realistic and like having savings and money and need to go back to work.

ReallyTired · 12/04/2012 10:41

I suppose a lot depends on whether you have the finance to afford to be a SAHM. Some women can't afford to work where as other women are forced into work. It is a bit of a shit situaiton.

Would it be an option for you do an evening class to extend your skills so that you can get a job you like?

Kayano · 12/04/2012 10:44

Why not get an evening bar job? Think in a SAHM situation it needs to be agreed as a family.

Also don't see the point of anyone getting JSA when they have no interest in... Erm... JS for ages Hmm

domesticdiva · 12/04/2012 10:46

Your JSA should stop if you are not actively looking for work, if you choose to be a SAHM. Im sure plenty of women would love to be SAHMs but you have to be realistic about your future finances.

my2centsis · 12/04/2012 10:46

Yanbu. you have the rest of your life to work, if you can afford it then I don't see the problem

Original poster
Iamgiulietta · 12/04/2012 10:47

Kayano my jsa runs out next month. I have been looking for library type work for the last 6 months but there's not too much about... I don't really know what else I fancy doing... Have thought about teaching basic skills to adults but obviously would need to do an evening class

OP posts:
callmemrs · 12/04/2012 10:48

You need to talk to your dh and come to an agreement - which may well involve compromise

No one has the automatic right to be a SAHP. You may be able to just about afford it, but your dh may feel under huge pressure being the only earner, or he may be worried about your future employability if you stay off another 18 months- these are legitimate concerns and you need to listen to him and talk.

Afraid I can't see much likelihood of a library job either. I think you need to face the fact that this may well involve compromising your ideal scenario.

Original poster
Iamgiulietta · 12/04/2012 10:50

Just to clarify I am seeking work ATM in order to get my jsa but when it runs out in may I think I will not bother for a bit.

OP posts:
hairytale · 12/04/2012 10:53

Yanbu, but your family arrangements should be agreed

"Some women can't afford to work where as other women are forced into work."

Whether there is a sahp is a family decision. And a family issue.not a women's issue specifically.

It is not that a woman can't afford to work. That would make the assumption that childcare is the responsibility of women.

titchy · 12/04/2012 10:54

Agree this needs to be a joint decision - not just yours alone. Compromise - agree to get job at Christmas?

Library work - again agree you'll have to cast your net wider. University or college library perhaps, or learning support assistant, or work in a bookshop maybe?

Original poster
Iamgiulietta · 12/04/2012 10:54

And to be honest I find since stopping ft with I am no worse off as we no longer pay childcare and I was able to sell my car. I supported my hubby through uni when we first married and feel he ought to extend me the same for 18 monthsGrin my employability to be honest is shot to shit as I had loads of sick from
My last job and will get a shit reference.

OP posts:
1950sHousewife · 12/04/2012 10:56

I understand your want to be a SAHM for as long as possible. Even though your 3 yo is in quite a bit of daycare they still need you!

But if your DP is unhappy about it, you need to figure this out. The fact that you're volunteering is great for a future CV, but it sounds like there might not be much chance of working in a library from the other post.

The adult education thing sounds great! You'd probably really enjoy goign back to college (I know I have) so why not get signed up for a course? College is way more fun than working (as said, I'm back there and it's wonderful) preferably for sept. At least you will then be working towards working again, but not having to take the massive leap straight back into work.

undercoverPrincess · 12/04/2012 10:56

You need to discuss this properly with your OH, financing the family so you can be at home is not just his responsibility. You say you can manage but can you just scape by or really manage financially.

I work evenings and hate it but I don't have a choice. I would also like to be a SAHM but I'm realistic and don't want to put too much pressure on my OH.

I have also looked for term time only school hours jobs for about two years now to get away from evenings and there is just nothing about.

Original poster
Iamgiulietta · 12/04/2012 10:57

Thanks Titchy Smile it is mostly academic libraries that are setting on . I recently had an interview for a uni library but came 2nd Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/04/2012 10:57

I agree you two need to talk and come to a compromise.

You may have supported him through Uni but was there a recession on then?

Were fuel prices and food prices the same as they are now?

WillowFae · 12/04/2012 10:57

If you can afford it then YANBU. I had to go back to work when my youngest was 18 months and I wish I hadn't :(

But I do think your chances of finding library work is very slim (you don't say if you are qualified or not but lots of qualified librarians are now out of work).

dreamingbohemian · 12/04/2012 11:01

I think if you can only work PT, then it may not be worth it anyway, by the time you pay for childcare.

Is there any work you could do online? Transcribing?

I think you should do more research on retraining, if you're not very employable. I mean at some point you will need to get a job. Perhaps there's a part-time or online course you could start this autumn, so by the time your DC starts school you could go right into work.

I think YANBU but you should come up with a real plan, not just say you're not going to work.

marriedinwhite · 12/04/2012 11:05

If you are otherwise claiming money from benefits then there is no argument in my opinion - you need to find paid work if you are able to work.

Often the best way into the uni libraries is to initially take the hours that are hard to fill - the Thursday/Friday evenings and Saturday mornings are often the graveyard shift. If I were you I would write to the uni where you were second and offer to be cleared for work so that you can cover sickness and find out which agency they use for those occasions and get yourself signed up with the agency and let the uni know you have done so. Copy HR and the Head of Library Services.

There are lots of jobs in academic libraries for non qualified librarians - probably not high up the pay scales but usually flexible hours and term time only work. IT skills are also sought after at that level becaues of the growth of e-learning.

peskimo · 12/04/2012 11:07

YANBU and good for you to want to bring up your own children if you and your DH can manage.

Original poster
Iamgiulietta · 12/04/2012 11:14

Just to add I am a qualified librarian but have worked in a different sector for 8 years. To the poster who suggested I write to the uni and offer to do the graveyard shift that is inspired!! And would work really well as hubby could look after them then.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 12/04/2012 11:19

Oh yes, there's going to be huge growth in e-learning in the coming years -- would be a great field to transition into. Maybe do some retraining in information management that would lead into that.

Original poster
Iamgiulietta · 12/04/2012 12:59

Dreaming... Are you in that field?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 12/04/2012 13:06

Yabu

hairylemon · 12/04/2012 13:13

so you are getting JSA atm because you are looking for a job.

But when it runs out you are not going to bother looking

So you are only pretending to look for a job to get your JSA

Have I got that right?

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