I have told my ex a bit of a fib. Sort of.

[hathorinareddress69]

I have told my ex who is very annoying a slight bending of the truth WRT to Sunday so that I can see DP.

Well not really a bending of the truth. I have told him the truth. Just the way I told him was deliberate to give a slightly misleading impression.

AIBU?

If he's an ex why do you need to lie about seeing your dp!!???

Because he usually has the kids on a Sunday night and I've told a fib and am dropping them up an hour early

Tell us more, why do you need to bend the truth?

Would he be unco-operative if he knew you were seeing DP then?

Well he usually has the kids on a Sunday night.

Usually they go up to his about 8pm.

DP has been away all week and is back tomorrow but I've the kids so can't see him over the weekend.

I've never asked ex to swap or have them extra time before. He frequently asks me.

I kind of said to the ex "I need to do xyz" (I do but I'm not going to do it Sunday evening) then I said "so can I drop the kids up around 7"

He said yes.

Oh yes he would be most uncooperative.

Nah you are not being unreasonable. If I wanted an extra hour to see dp I would have to be a bit creative with ex as he would see having his own kids one whole extra hour a huge favour to me.

It's only an hour early!! That's nothing!

Pleasechoose that's it exactly - and it would cause issues if he knew I was going to see anyone or have a life or have fun and would be a bazillion times worse if he knew it was a man I was going to see

"I need to do xx. Can I drop the kids round early?"

That would not be lying. You made a true statement and asked a question.

Using the word so implies that the reason for wanting to drop them round early is because of the previous thing that you need to do. Which is untrue.

I think YABU to think that you need to make an excuse, especially as you have changed times to make things mroe convenient for him in the past.

It was "I need to do xxx"

He said "oh blah blah blah" I know everything about that even though I know fuck all about it I would do it like this dah dum you're so silly to be considering doing it any other way

Then I said "so can I ..."

Oh for Petes who's Pete? sake it's an hour early why all the rigmarole?

We shouldn't have to be inventive but anything for an easy life eh! Besides he is your ex you don't owe him anything, he should be glad to see the kids another hour.

Because I am a bad mother who is abandoning her poor deprived children to go off and shag see another man

It is a pity you feel you have to lie about it for the sake of an extra hour.

I probably should have just said "Can I drop the kids up at"

But then he would ask why and I would have stuttered and stumbled

^

approving beam

YAsoNBU

If you often change to suit him then all you had to do was say I shall be dropping the children to you at 7 this week, and that be the end of it

Well, given that I'm still waiting for him to confirm what time the kids will be here and actually if it will be this evening or tomorrow ....

Asking for further clarification is "controlling" and I need to "loosen up"

Can you say stuff like 'can you let me know roughly what time tomorrow afternoon so I can be sure to be in for you/them'

He will then think you've misunderstood and be in a hurry to correct you thereby giving you the information you need

How old are the children?

I just phoned him and said exactly that.

he doesn't know yet if it will be tomorrow afternoon. He'll have to come back to me on that.

Kids are 10 and 13.

Not a gram of unreasonableness if you ask me.

Oh he's a slippery little sucker isn't he?

Just go about your day, I would take from that that they won't be arriving before tomorrow afternoon and if he turns up while you're out he'll have to wait, - then maybe he'll be a little clearer on times.

I hate all this arsing around with withholding information - it's just a pain isn't it?

It is a pita. He wants "flexibility" but he only wants it when it suits him.

I'm going out for lunch/coffee with a friend. I told him that I wouldn't be in this afternoon.

But that's what makes this shared parenting lark so difficult. Rant. Rant.

Thought I'd update you all.

he texted me at 11.48pm yesterday (yip almost 10 to midnight) to say he'd be dropping the kids at 7.30am this morning.

Oh and DD1 had arranged to go out with her friend whose mother was picking her up at 10am.

Can I please scream and rant?