to feel sad that I have to drug up to visit sil

[MousyMouse]

she is fab. her dc is the same age as my dc.
unfortunately she doesn't keep her home very clean + has pets, which means dust and pet hair everywhere. we seldom visit, because my allergies mean I have to take allergy meds beforehand and will most certainly suffer an asthma attack. even when we sit outside, the trip to the loo inside is not pleasant...

Ask her over to your house.

Also lots of people have allergies.
I have a severe allergy to grass pollen.
All summer people are inviting me to meet in the park/sit in their garden/attend BBQ's. I don't blame anyone, it is life.
I spend April-July in a drowsy haze.
If you like her you need to suck it up.

It sounds very unpleasant for you - and there doesn't really seem to be an easy solution. Even if she keeps her pets away from you, she won't be able to sterilise her house to the extent you need.

I'm sure she will understand if you explain that you would rather meet at your own house or in the park or wherever.

Agree with daintynuts. I have a bad allergy to cats and my close friend has two. I either suck it up and dose myself liberally or invite her to mine.

I do 'suck it up', we go there about once a year other times we meet at home or at ils...

YADNBU. I would (and do) feel the same, and frankly also get annoyed when it is people we visit infrequently and who are aware of the issue. To me it basically says they do not care enough about my health to bother hoovering. Maybe it's because people don't understand the seriousness of asthma vs hayfever, for example.
But it is annoying: if they would not serve meat to a vegetarian (a choice, rather than a disease) why make an asthmatic fall ill?

Sorry about your allergies and everything but this thread is a bit unnecessarily birch isn't it? I dislike a dirty toilet as much as the next person but wouldn't cone online to bitch about the housekeeping skills of someone I thought was 'fab'.

Is she single btw? I assume she must be considering your post implies the cleAning is her responsibility Alone.

why not go to her house

YANBU to feel sad about it. I feel sad that many of my not-very-houseproud friends don't feel comfortable inviting us to their houses because of DS's severe food allergies (he reacts on skin contact to some foods and they are not confident that there won't be traces of food on toys and other surfaces - this was a real problem when he was a crawling baby). However, our house is open to all and very busy most of the time. One friend has cat allergy and doses herself with antihistamine every time she comes.

But presumably, if your allergies are so bad that you're affected even outside the house, even of the friend cleaned like a Victorian housemaid you'd still have to "drug up" because she owns pets? So what this boils down to is that you're complaining that your friend owns pets because they're an inconvenience to you on the rare occasions that you visit her? And you want her to do what about her pets, exactly?

What I don't get is why you're "sad" that you need to take medication in this particular environment. Sad to have to take it overall, that I can understand but why single out one place?

Say to her, "Clean your house you filthy mare" then "joke punch" her arm.

Perhaps you could get yourself a grip?

Seriously, it's not her fault you have allergies. She can keep her house however she likes. et hair might set your allergies off but bitching about the cleanliness of her loo is just spiteful.

I feel your pain. I haven't visited my sister for a couple of years because of DD's allergy to cats (sis has a cat). She lives over 250 miles away so it means we have to stay with her, and hotels where she lives are expensive. DD is allergic to cats and even when she takes antihistamines her throat closes up when she has prolonged exposure to cats.

Is sil married to your brother?

no, she's my husbands sister.
I don't want her to get rid of her pets, she adores them and that's just the way it is.
I think I am just annoyed that a visit takes a lot of preparation and work afterwards (washing te clothes immediately, washing hair...)

I didn't say anything about a dirty loo

She's not spiteful - expecting a guest to use a dirty loo could be considered rude though.

Don't go. I don't go to scuzzy houses.

regarding the loo, even when we sit outside going in for a few minutes to use the loo means I will have an allergic reaction.

yanbu, asthma attacks can be very serious, I know I'ld not feel too enthusiastic visiting somewhere that would make me physically ill.

I also have to drug up to visit SIL with wine

Oh I see, sorry!

YANBU. Can't you explain that your allergies make visits difficult? Suggest she comes to your instead?

Allergies are not fun and YANBU to feel sad that you have them and need to take drugs to deal with them. It's nothing to do with your SIL though and not her fault. She could clean her house from top to bottom before you arrive and if your allergies are that severe, you'd still need to be taking antihistamines because of the presence of her pets. Making comments about how she keeps her house is a bit unkind.

So don't go there if it makes you ill. Can't you invite her to yours, or meet out somewhere for coffee or lunch?

Do you have extreme allergic reactions to other peoples less than scrupulously hoovered homes, or is it just this one? It sounds like you just don't like her much to me, and enjoy lamenting her housekeeping skills to your family.

Do what I did at a friends BBQ - piss behind a bush

I was vair drunk.