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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not expect my 10 year old to have seen Paranormal Activity...

37 replies

TheDetective · 11/04/2012 21:30

DS (who just turned 10 last month) just came to me, and asked could he talk to me about something. This is not like him, he doesn't really talk much about feelings, and when he does, I know its really bothered him.

He said when he stayed with his Dad last night (ExP - been separated 3 years) that they went to his cousins. His cousin is also 10. According to DS they watched Paranormal Activity, and his Aunt allowed this. He said he was scared, and wished he hadn't seen it, and it has frightened him.

So I text his Dad the following (after a chat with DS to reassure him) 'Ds just spoke to me to say he has seen Paranormal Activity at Auntie X's. He's really scared of what he saw. Can you make sure he doesn't watch films like that when he goes there please.'

I figured this was the safest way to play it, rather than being all angry about it (which inside I am, but I know these things happen) I should just ask him to not let it happen again at this age.

Apparently I am being unreasonable.

Am I?

OP posts:

mosschops30 · 11/04/2012 21:33

Yanbu i have only just let dd (15) start watching films like this.

However i watched Nightmare on Elm Street at 10, and friday 13th.

I suppose it depends on what your ds is like but i think its out of order for someone other than the parent to make that choice

LapOfTheGods · 11/04/2012 21:35

Paranormal activity would be very scary for a child. I'd speak to them and make sure it doesn't happen again. Also, explain that it's just a film...

Meglet · 11/04/2012 21:36

yanbu.

I would be on the war path.

McHappyPants2012 · 11/04/2012 21:36

I think you handled it well.

That film is scary I jumped in a few parts especially the baby being lifted out of the cot and the mother being dragged down the stairs.

southeastastra · 11/04/2012 21:37

at 10 i wouldn't really have too much of a problem with this as remember seeing much worse at the same age and loving it

Original poster

TheDetective · 11/04/2012 21:38

Ds is quite a young 10 year old in lots of ways. He is very naive. He is an only child, and as we live on a main road, he doesn't get to play out. He doesn't have friends over other than in the holidays, as we live too far from school to do it any more regularly.

I guess he just bit off more than he could chew. Cousin is very streetwise. I was at 10-11, but DS - different kettle of fish! He has quite a gentle 'pushover' nature, not like his mother

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 11/04/2012 21:39

yanbu i would be so annoyed with auntie and his dad i hope your son is ok I was wetting myself at the trailer for it , although i watched amytiville horror and halloween at 10/11 and was fine but im more scared as i got older i would never allowed my 2 to watch horror at 10 .

roughtyping · 11/04/2012 21:44

YANBU - I can't even watch the trailer! I saw 'It' at about 10 and I was terrified. I would be v v unhappy with the aunt and his dad.

scuzy · 11/04/2012 21:52

oh id be raging. YANBU, but you handled it very well.

Hoebag · 11/04/2012 22:10

I think you handled it well.

I think most 10 year olds would be spooked its a 'gets under your skin' film.

Original poster

TheDetective · 12/04/2012 21:06

I talked to my mother about it tonight, as I am quite upset with ExP's response of 'shut up' and 'you only give a fuck when it suits you'. I don't know what to say to him to ensure he takes this seriously. Which I would hope he would care about DS enough to.

Probably shouldn't have mentioned it to my mother. She is DS's headteacher. She is furious. She has really worried me tonight.

Any advice on how to approach DS's dad again without it becoming a drama?

OP posts:

curiositykitten · 12/04/2012 21:09

Oh FFS he sounds delightful, and rather like the same response my exH would have given me in the circumstances! But then my exH plays Silent Hill games around the 3 and 7 year olds!

You were completely in the right to not want your son to see that movie and your ex is an arsehole!

bekspolo · 12/04/2012 21:10

Gosh, that film freaked me out and I'm 33!!

Do you have a shared residency order that stipulates when ds goes to exp's? Forgive me for saying so, would something like this potentially be considered emotional harm and therefore abuse under the child act? (unfortunately I've been to hell and back re emotional abuse under child act!)

MrMiyagi · 12/04/2012 21:14

That's bang out of order (and not just saying that because I hate horror films!).

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 21:15

Streetwise or not, a 10 YO shouldn't be watching that film.

I watched some films I shouldn't have at that age and they really freaked me out.

YANBU at all.

Why did what your mum said worried you?

NatashaBee · 12/04/2012 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

TheDetective · 12/04/2012 21:18

I have absolutely no orders or anything, I have never had to have any dealings with solicitors or anything.

Our split came 8 months after I bought my house, obviously Ex was living with me when we moved in, but he had a bad credit rating, and I was the main wage earner, so I bought the house.

So when we split, he just took his belongings and moved in with his mum. I was 24, and him 26 at the time. We had been together since I was 16, and him 18.

We organise contact to suit him between ourselves. Its been this way for 3 years.

I don't agree with a lot of his parenting choices, but this one is one of his worst choices - and even if it wasn't his choice, and he didn't know, then his response is less than adequate.

My mum told me I should go to a solicitor. However, it seems a bit extreme for something which I think should be discussed between us, and an agreement reached on when it is an appropriate age etc.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 21:20

I like creepy horrors, not gratuitous ones like the saw films, but it's the psychological ones that get inside your head and refuse to leave.

Original poster

TheDetective · 12/04/2012 21:21

I was concerned about my mums response because she was saying that this could look bad on me. If he disclosed this at school, it could (just a maybe, not a 'would') be viewed as emotional abuse, or neglect allowing him to see inappropriate images.

However, as she is his headteacher, she is obviously already aware, so really, its not going to go any further. But she is pointing out to me what could of happened, and that when he goes to high school, he won't have the same kind of 'protection' that she can give now.

She told me to see a solicitor.

OP posts:

whackamole · 12/04/2012 21:24

YANBU. I am not easily scared by films but this one did scare me and played on my mind a lot.

Your ex sounds like such a dick - how does he not realise that you care all the time, and shouldn't need to make a point about anything, but clearly this has upset your son?

If it makes sense (I don't know from your posts) could you text him back saying you leave him alone most of the time, this doesn't constitute 'not giving a fuck' - it means you respect his parenting. However, your son is upset and he needs to be made aware and if he is so fucking immature maybe you should sort something out via solicitor? Possibly not that but I am struggling to find an ending to my message...!

Hope your son isn't too traumatised - did he tell you which ending he saw BTW, there are 3 and all of them are horrible.

whackamole · 12/04/2012 21:26

Sorry posted too soon!

At least one of the endings is less scary in the paranormal sense.

Original poster

TheDetective · 12/04/2012 21:30

He mentioned something about the ghost took over a womans body, then went out the room and screamed, and then came back, but at the end of the film the womans body screamed at the camera?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 21:35

I agree with whackamole, he sounds like he could just be being defensive? (if that's what you're saying whack? )

Because I can't imaginining anyone arguing it would be alright for a 10 YO to watch this film, so he's just saying it because he doesn't want you to think you have any control over him.

Maybe it's all hot air and he's actually taken his sister to task about letting them watch it?

Original poster

TheDetective · 12/04/2012 21:38

I hope so Agent

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 21:44

He loves your son, he wouldn't want him to be scared because of something he could have stopped.

I know people get shirty about all sorts of things, but you wouldn't have thought being told your sister scared your 10 YO would be one of them.

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