To not expect my 10 year old to have seen Paranormal Activity...

[TheDetective]

DS (who just turned 10 last month) just came to me, and asked could he talk to me about something. This is not like him, he doesn't really talk much about feelings, and when he does, I know its really bothered him.

He said when he stayed with his Dad last night (ExP - been separated 3 years) that they went to his cousins. His cousin is also 10. According to DS they watched Paranormal Activity, and his Aunt allowed this. He said he was scared, and wished he hadn't seen it, and it has frightened him.

So I text his Dad the following (after a chat with DS to reassure him) 'Ds just spoke to me to say he has seen Paranormal Activity at Auntie X's. He's really scared of what he saw. Can you make sure he doesn't watch films like that when he goes there please.'

I figured this was the safest way to play it, rather than being all angry about it (which inside I am, but I know these things happen) I should just ask him to not let it happen again at this age.

Apparently I am being unreasonable.

Am I?

Given you have no shared residency order, assuming the status quo is in your favour, (and I don't know your relationship etc) I'd tell your ex that unless he wises up you'll remove his current option to have his child stay over.

Unless he takes you to court there is sod all he can do - whether that is right or wrong is for another discussion! Can't imagine any judge saying what your exp is doing is acceptable!!

And yes I am pretty certain this is grounds for child abuse!

Unfortunately, my son thinks his dad is God! There is no way I could justify to my son, that he can't see his Dad.

As much as it irks me, he loves his Dad, and he wouldn't forgive me for stepping in the way of their relationship. Even if his dad is fairly useless, and inappropriate especially at birthday parties just to shame me

Trust me I feel your pain!

I think it depends on the child to be honest. I was watching the likes of Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street at that sort of age I loved em and would watch them alone in the dark even if I was home alone. My DP's kids I'd never let watch something like that they are very young and nieve for their age and scare at the likes of Harry Potter my eldest on the other hand (age 7) probably wouldn't care he see's worse at his Dads.

Paranormal Activity 1 is a bit pants and isn't too bad for a tough 10 year old that likes horror's imo, you see very little. Its the 2nd or 3rd on the I'd be more wary of.

I'd have had a fit with my fucking feet in the air!
And a second one when the cheeky git said that to you!
I'd be having serious words with the Ex, any more of His behaviour and he will get his access restricted.
Yes, films like that may not upset some kids, but others can be terribly affected. Apart from anything else, they have age restrictions on for a reason! It's not suitable to be letting your child watch them.

I'm afraid your mum is correct.

I know of a mum at school that was hauled in by our head and threaten with SS as her year5 son had seen Final Destination, she was also accused of child abuse for allowing him to watch it

^What Saggy said. With bells on.

I did go batshit crazy when my DD's dad let her watch The Ring. She wasn't the only one having nightmares when I'd finished.

Is paranormal activity real ? I dont get what its about, is some weird reality spiritist show or real investigations ?

Also i used to watch horrible films from about 9, hammer house of horror every weekend, thing is i was too scared to get up from watching them so i'd sit through it, shaking and hearing the awful background music ringing in my ears, the day i watched The Omen, there was a power cut halfway through, i had to walk home from where i was watching it in the darlk! I was ill for 3 months with uncontrollable shaking and sweating, and dreadful panic atacks.

Some people watch them and find then funny, but some find it deeply disturbing, i dont watch anything paranormal , horror, anymore.

So where do I go from here?

Just having a chat with DS earlier tonight, and it seems they go to the Aunties often. DS said there is nothing to do at his Dads, and they get bored, so they go there. His Auntie has 4 children, from aged 10 down to 4, so he clearly has a more 'fun' time there as there are children to play with. DS doesn't seem to particularly like his cousin, but its better than the alternative of 'nothing to do'.

His Dad lives with his mum and stepdad, in a 2 bed house, with no garden. There really isn't anything there for him to do, doesn't have his own room, no toys there etc.

I'm all out of ideas on how to make things better for DS. I feel so bad, I promised myself I'd protect him and go to the ends of the earth for him when he was a tiny baby, but its so much more difficult when the person you are trying to protect them from is their own idiot father.

For what its worth, he wasn't an idiot particularly when we were together, but it seems I was keeping him reigned in, as he has shown his true colours since.

Your ex is an arse but unfortunately if he is anything like mine he will thumb his nose at you and pay no attention to your valid concerns.

Like your DCs, mine have nothing to do at their father's either.. I send dvds and books with them every second weekend when they go, and I hope that they won't get up to mischief or watch anything unsuitable. There is a dvd player there, and a pack of cards. Nowhere to go outside as it's a flat. DD4 has a DS player that she brings. They have also brought knitting and other crafts like a jewellery making/bead kit. Weekends are long and boring for them. They even bring homework and projects that aren't due for a while to work on.

DD3 (13) saw Paranormal Activity (at a friend's and without my knowledge) and had nightmares so bad she slept with me for a week.

I think if you have any sort of a written co parenting agreement you could have some sort of clause inserted that forbids the parent from allowing children to see films rated for older viewers? It would also mean you would have to abide by those terms though.

The fact that it's left your son shaken should be enough for your ex-partner to realise this was not something that should have happened or should happen again. If he does not then he is being totally unreasonable.
Math's idea of a written parenting agreement sounds like something that I would be pushing for if it were me.