To be hurt by my friend not calling

[clams]

I think this might sounds a bit playground but my feelings are hurt and I need an outside perspective.

My really good friend of 15 years came 200 miles to see another couple of friends who live 5 miles away from me for the Easter weekend. The friends she was visiting aren't people I'm close to but they are people I see socially and who I've been on holiday with. Anyway, despite me leaving a message on my friend's vm last week asking what her plans were, she didn't contact me and all weekend they were on facebook saying what an a-mazing time they were having shopping/drinking/socialising with various people. (I know - but I couldn't stop myself from reading it.)

I speak to her weekly and see her maybe 3 or 4 times a year and had arranged to go to her house next month (along with the people she was near me visiting!). I feel quite pissed off that she didn't call, even if it was to say she didn't have time to see me, and that they had to go on and on on bloody facebook about the fun they were having that I could've easily been invited along to.

Just so as not to drip, she's been ttc for a long time and obviously avoids my DD (the other 2 don't have children). As I try to be v sensitive to this and arrange things away from my DD and hardly talk about her I suggested in my vm I'd come over to see them for a drink (ie childless activity). Now that I'm annoyed I'm building this all up in my head and thinking of times she's snubbed my DD and getting ratty - AIBU?

Maybe her friends wanted to do something they didn't think you'd enjoy, maybe she got pissed and was hungover and couldn't face socialising in the time she had thought she would pop over, maybe she wanted to hang out with just those people for some reason (different groups = different dynamics - it doesn't mean she doesn't like you), there could be a million reasons and you should try not to take it personally IMO.

I don't really see why the fact her friends are visiting too makes it unfair for her to want to spend time with just them.

If she was really trying to ditch you would she be happy to have you visiting her?

There doesn't seem to be a pattern here, give the woman a chance!

Maybe I have low standards but as long as I have fun when I'm with my friends, I enjoy catching up with them and we both put in a bit of effort I'm happy enough. I don't own my friends or what they do or see...

Having said that I have in the past felt a bit insulted when my best friend came to my town and didn't see me - but that was because she'd made plans to see me and then blew me off (twice). Flaky yes, but I still value her friendship and she mine so I dealt with it.

"There doesn't seem to be a pattern here, give the woman a chance!"

Well said, ivanapoo.

"The OP cannot help that she has had the good fortune to have a dd whilst her friend is still ttc."

No, of course not, and that's not the point at all. But it's one thing hoping that someone will still feel able to keep in touch as much as before, and plaster on that smile, and another thing entirely to expect it. Being indignant about it doesn't sound particularly compassionate to me. This friend is likely to be surrounded by people expecting her to put on a brave face, not show her feelings in front of others, smile and smile some more when others talk about their happy families. TBH I'm not surprised she needs a break from it all sometimes.

Agree with everlong. The OP has been sensitive and deliberately doesn't mention her DD.

Sometimes(most times) I don't want to see everyone at once, and it is not because I don't like people equally. I think it is frustrating to have to worry about including someone simply because they live in the area I am visiting.

I would not invite myself along as you did, you put her on the spot.

I wouldn't bring it up again if I were you, and I would carry on with the plans to get together with them next month.