DH thinks meals are solely my responsibility

[WifiNappies]

I told DH tonight that I'm fed up of always being the one who has to think about food ie. what we will eat, what we need to buy, what the baby will eat etc. I'm not even that fussed about food myself so why is it always me. He told me to suck it up because "that's what mums do" and I went apeshit. WIBU?

How do you think people who don't have children but have jobs manage, then? Or (gasp) single parents who have jobs? Just because he's out of the house doesn't mean he can't do anything.

I'm a single parent, so I do everything. I agree that someone who works should still contribute to the household stuff. It makes more sense to me that a SAHP does more food prep as it can be done earlier and doesn't mean starting cooking at 7pm.

WifiNappies, so you're both at home now and he still isn't getting involved.

I think you need a plan on how to deal with him. Getting angry isn't going to make him see things differently. All he'll see is an angry woman.

For your meals, I'd make a list of what's in the fridge/freezer and go through with him what he would like to have for meals for the next week. Maybe just after you've served something for dinner that he isn't that keen on or after you've had the same thing two days in a row. If you cook food he hates, or refuse to cook for him it'll lead to more arguments and you won't get anywhere.

He probably has no idea about weaning and that's why he's opting out. I don't know if getting some leaflets or a book for him to read would help.

YANBU. I'm a sahm and I don't have time to organise meals and cook during the day. By the time dd goes to bed, I'm just as knackered from a day of looking after her as DH is when he comes home from work, at around the same time in the evening. Why on earth should it be the mum's role to then start cooking? I hate cooking. In this house, DH does all the cooking and food planning. While he's doing that, I'm sorting out laundry/car maintenance/mowing the lawn or other things that I'm better at and he hates doing.

'its what mums do' indeed. I'm not surprised you went apeshit.

But everyone knows men can't cook, poor dears. There's a whole thread about how sweet and endearing it is somewhere.

look!

Looked.

Can only speak from experience and during the 8 years I was a sahm with two small children (when back to work when youngest settled in reception) I had more time on my hands than at any other time in my life but perhaps that's because I was enjoying myself at the park, at the one o'clock club, at story time, playing, etc., and kept the place cleanish and tidyish as I went along. At no other time in my life have I ever been able to do the big shop on a Thursday morning when it's relatively quiet; at no other time in my life have I had time for coffees with friends, etc.

Work full time now. Spend about 9-1/2 hours a day out of the home. DH is out for about 12 - 13 hours. We work equal amounts because I still run the home albeit with a cleaner twice a week. DH and I make equal contributions. His are more work based, mine are more home based.

Haven't any of you ever made a tent as you are changing the beds to keep your lo's quiet, or got them chopping mushrooms with a blunt knife to help with dinner, etc?

I see why your flaming me but its a matter of organisation and mutual support. That's what makes us happy any way.

Winkly - you reminded me that in the 80's and early 90's my Dad would phone home when he was leaving work to tell one of us teens to put the spuds in the pressure cooker. He then cooked some Bernard Matthews delight in the microwave when he got home.

My Dad always cooked and he always worked.

I got pissed off with cooking sep meals for DCs and DH. Just got DCs to make a meal planner that they agree on and that's what I now do.
I am sure DH would rather have Roast chicken dinner or steak but he now gets spag bol or chicken nuggets and baked beans.
DCs smile when they sit down at the table, DH just sighs.
If he wants steak he can go to the shop, buy it and cook it himself.
Your DH sounds a real charmer too.

YANBU, it's the same here and pisses me right off!!

In a nutshell I think my problem is more the expectation of it all. I really don't care about actually DOING it. I actively enjoy cooking when I have time to do it properly (which I don't any more) thus it's become a chore to fit in between all other chores and I resent it. And now I resent not being able to enjoy cooking any more and the expectation that I'll now continue to do something I'll hate. Argh I dunno. Thanks to those who relate and / or understand.

I think you have just got to the stage where you have realised that your DH EXPECTS you to do the meals. It now becomes a chore because you are getting no recognition for your efforts. THAT is what turns it into yet just another chore.

What are these man things that he goes off and does during his one month off of work OP? you cant really complain that he is making sexist comments when you are doing the same thing by saying what he does are man things and complain when he talks about a mums work? why dont you go out for a whole day and leave him at home with your LO then he will have to start cooking and take an interest. of course weaning needs to be something you both do. who hasnt stood looking in a fridge waiting for inspiration. surely he knows this really.

In what way does SouthPark have more adult themes than Eastenders?

Sorry wrong thread!

I was being tongue in cheek along the lines of 'me man me make fire' type thing sorry if that wasn't clear.

Try just sitting one night and not getting up to make dinner. mayne feed the baby before he gets in from work. if/when he asks wjats for dinner just say ' i dont know, what is for dinner? '

Mine is like this. I plan the meals on a weekly basis so I have to think of 7 meals at a time. I ask for ideas, or if there's anything he or DS(11) fancies. All I get is "I don't know, you decide". I don't have a problem cooking it but we all eat it, why is it up to me? Would I choose for them in a restauraunt?

Maybe I should do that next time we go out to eat and then feign innocence and say "but I always choose what you eat!"

YANBU.

Can you sit down and tell him this, though? I'm not excusing him, but does he know you're not actually that fussed about the food you're cooking and feel he wouldn't bother to cook from scratch if he had to do it?

Separate point, about comments people are making that it's anti-social not to cook for both adults in the house - I don't agree TBH. I don't always cook for DH and he doesn't always cook for me - if it works for you to prepare meals separately on occasion, go for it. It's not necessarily a horribly anti-social thing to do, so long as he knows you're not doing it out of spite. You might just enjoy eating different things sometimes? Putting it like that might be a non-aggressive way to tackle at least a bit of the issue? Then you can have your crackers or whatever, and he can either cook himself something from scratch or get a pizza.

Bottom line, though - he's being out of line. If he wouldn't cook from scratch himself, he may not have any idea how long it takes and how much boring, plodding mental effort it takes to keep on planning and shopping and preparing meals. It's not on for him to judge something he won't do, and it's not on for him to lay down the law about what your role at home is.

(Sorry, I seem to have forgotten how to write English, but you get my drift, I hope.)