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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how on earth anyone gets anything done with a small child?

71 replies

fullofregrets · 11/04/2012 17:02

As in any housework. My house looks like a candidate for how clean is your house but my two year old is following me around incessantly bleating 'mummy, I want you to play with me.'
If I have to pretend to be postman pat / a gruffalo / an ill patient / read the little red train once more I may require a lobotomy. I have sat DS in the bath and am now lying on bed mumsnetting to recover. I should really be tidying.

I think it is worse because although DS does not start nursery until sept we usually have an activity every day but they don't run in the holidays. Trying to entertain DS and find places to go that aren't too expensive or super busy is a challenge.

But honestly, if I hear 'let's deliver the letters pat!' once more I may have some sort of breakdown. When do they learn to play on their own?! Is it soon?!

OP posts:
happybubblebrain · 11/04/2012 17:41

My dd is 5 now and she hasn't grown out of it. Sorry.

I've nearly always done the cleaning and the ironing when she's in bed. Sometimes I've done it on a Saturday morning while she watches a DVD.

I spend 2 hours every 2 weeks cleaning the house and that is more than enough. Our house hardly ever looks untidy because I put things away immediately after using them. Have a place for everything and put it back when you've finished with it. If you see a little job that will take a couple of minutes do it straight away. Get your son to help sometimes.

We go out lots too - museums, art galleries, friends' houses, events, library, parks, cinema, restaurants, shopping, day trips, swimming, nature walks, farms, zoo. I think one trip out a day stops you from going mad.

rainbowsprite1 · 11/04/2012 17:50

A small spray bottle filled with a dilute mix of white vinegar and water, a wodge of kitchen roll and a window or similar surface at their height that needs cleaning... works wonders in my living room with a glass door that is always mucky & keeps them quiet till I've cleaned the rest of it (unless they spray each other instead of the door...)

MadameChinLegs · 11/04/2012 17:56

Hmmm think your dh should do a bit too especially if u are swamped. what happens at the weekend? Do you down tools too or does he sit and watch you work?

Original poster
fullofregrets · 11/04/2012 18:01

madame I have posted previously about DH's lack of help at weekend (golf and lying in for hours on Sundays)

I think the problem is DS is up at 7.30am and doesn't go to sleep until 8.30pm.

13 hours is a long time to fill even if we go out for a few hours it leaves a lot of time to be pat! I will probably miss it when he stared nursery. I keep reminding myself of this!

OP posts:
TeWihara · 11/04/2012 18:07

Your DH is taking the piss, that's the problem here.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 11/04/2012 18:09

Yeah I know, he won't even be pat for five minutes. I have been pat for hours today!

OP posts:
MadameChinLegs · 11/04/2012 18:11

Ah sorry fullofregretd i didnt realise that was you.

I do think a swift way of reducing your workload is to stop doing dhs laundry at all. i only iron my linen trousers everuthing else is hung up so not to creased when i come to wear it. i also tru not to go room to room empty handed. i also got it through to dh that the lounge is like my office as its where i spend my time with dd during the day and i wouldnt stand for others making a mess of my place of work so could he not leave junk in it
im sorry you are struggling against an unhelpful dh in addition to a 2 year old.
I saw on supernannu omce where theu had a big round chart on the wall in coloured sections. when the star was in say the blue section that was play on your own time. when in the red was play wirh mummy time etc. not sure what age the child was but may be worth a shot?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/04/2012 18:12

Oh you are the golf lady

What you do, is get a cleaner and take your DS out for the day while your cleaner sorts your house out.

Please tell me you don't iron your DH's work shirts. Please.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 11/04/2012 18:16

I must do something so I am no longer the golf lady!

OP posts:
mummmsy · 11/04/2012 18:24

i have every sympathy! oh, and ignore the 'don't leave him in the bath Shock ' w@nkers

i used to feel guilty when i didn't want to play constantly. now that dc is 6 i like to think of them playing alone as 'fostering their independence', makes it easier...

hope it all works out ok

fruitymum · 11/04/2012 18:24

My DD is almost 6 and DS 2 1/2 - they now play well together but in the holidays I try to do a quick clean - hoover downstairs, clean and set log burner, load of washing into/out of machine , clean downstairs loo if required and tidy breakfast stuff while kids watch some morning telly - only an hours tops - house then tidy . In evening while they are in bath I sort ironing/ washing/ put away - sort out stuff for morning . Tidy as you go - it will get easier but some days will feel like ground hog!!

Whatmeworry · 11/04/2012 18:32

Its very difficult, if its one then you get stuff done when they are asleep or handed over to someone, if its 2 its only really if you can hand them over - or after you have put them to bed.

And outsource cleaners, ironing etc etc.

pepperyrocket · 11/04/2012 18:39

Get a cleaner? And send out ironing.

That or follow the 'one room a day' rule. That's what I do (tried having a cleaner but it felt a) very lazy, and b) feudal - me sitting playing with DD whilst someone else cleaned my cooker..).

And my DH does nothing either around the house: he works 80+ hr weeks and frequently travels to the USA in order to put a roof over our heads and food on the table, so I think it's more than fair he gets out of scrubbing the toilet...

BikeRunSki · 11/04/2012 18:43

My children are 5 months and 3.
I clean a bit when the baby is asleep and the big one is at nursery. When I was at work I cleaned a bit when he wad asleep, bt he gave up his day time nap just before the baby was born. When I go back to work, I will drop my standards even lower! When we are no longer paying nursery fees I am going to get a cleaner!

birthdaygurl · 11/04/2012 18:43

Imo its very hard before they are about 3. I have either been pregnant or had another baby by this time My DD3 who is 3 will play to an extent on her own and will help but i am pregnant and knackered again. Hmm

Cleaner? sod it? And don't iron for the love of god.

dreamingbohemian · 11/04/2012 18:56

Oh FGS.

Your DH plays golf and sleeps all weekend? that there is your problem.

Get a cleaner and send out the ironing. Sorted!

Having some kind of visual aid for 'this is play on your own time' is a great idea.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/04/2012 19:00

OP - however much he spends a week on golf, is what you should feel at liberty to spend on a cleaner and taking your DS out.

Sod taking him to cheap places - why should you be on a budget when your DH clearly isn't?

Nordicmom · 11/04/2012 19:01

I completely sympathise. When DS was 2 or so he wasn't yet at nursery and I had no help during the week( parents in another country , inlaws in a different part of this country, no babysitters , nannies , nothing...) and he had no naps. The days were endless with no break. I found it very hard , thought I was going to loose it. I think we had about 6 m of that without even the one nap before nursery started in the fall . I was beyond exhausted. We had about one activity a day ( felt like I needed a destination to go to everyday for my sanity) and just pottered around the rest of the time. We did spend a lot of time home too when not in a class , park, shops , seeing friends etc. I do have to say DS has been amazingly good at playing by himself his whole life . Hasn't needed me to entertain him all the time. But I had to tell him that I couldn't do something just then because I was busy ofcourse too so he didn't expect me to either. . When old enough I did start giving him little jobs to help me. It must be the child's temperament and what they are used to. Nursery twice a week for a few hours for two years until he started school was such a help though! Good for him and me. It was a revelation to sit for a coffee with a friend without children for a while . Or just walk around shops by myself or even go to a daytime movie. Sometime just went home to sleep... Used to love those breaks .
Well now am having our second DC in less than two weeks and about to do it all again. Will be exhausting ! So used to DS being at school in the day and unfortunately am not well anymore either but we've waited for this or a long time so will be all worth it! She better be a sleeper though, don't know how I'll do it without the breaks ...

Nordicmom · 11/04/2012 19:06

...also made clear to DH when we started dating that I was not going to be his maid if I stayed home with kids . I grew up with a father who did everything and worked ft too. He cooked , played with us, cleaned , did laundry etc when he was home. That's how it has always been in our family too. When DH got home he took over with DS and also have always shared housework. That's the only way it works for us .

Nordicmom · 11/04/2012 19:20

... Also must admit I stopped ironing when I had DS . None of mine need it( hang up to dry straight away after washing , do a smaller load) and told DH can do his own shirts if he wants them done. Used to put DS to watch Thomas or Maisy in a playpen while I had a shower. I general it definitely gets easier by the time they are 3/4 y! 2 y you can't leave alone really at all since they could still do anything ( that's why I used the playpen while in the shower with the door open, we were in a flat too so could see in to the room he was in...) .

marriedinwhite · 11/04/2012 19:40

OP, the penny has just dropped for me. You had the thread a few days ago about your dh lying in at weekends, playing golf and going to his mum's with ds so you could catch up on housework.

This thread makes me think that may be he goes to his mum's to give you a chance to catch up on the housework because you aren't doing it during the week.

My dh worked all the hours god sent when the dc were small and kept going with football on Saturdays which I was glad about because he needed something to relieve stress. I used to make a point of taking ds to church on Sundays so he got a lie in and he would take him out in the afternoon to give me some me time.

The pay back for me was that ds was carving a successful career and I was able to give up work and be with ds all the the time. Yes, sometimes the house was a mess and he was very active - up at 5.30/6 and didn't go down until 9.30/10 at least because he wanted to see daddy. He did have a nap in the afternoon for a couple of hours though and I did all the jobs, including the ironing then.

DH did always pay for 3 to 5 hours cleaning though but I couldn't have coped without it - large Victorian house over 4 floors - not a stealth boast - it just takes a lot of keeping under. But when dh came home, the toys were always away and the rule was after tea and bath time, it was one toy at a time and it had to be put away before another one came out. When I look back at the photos from when they were both under 4 though - goodness it looks a mess.

birthdaygurl · 11/04/2012 19:42

How very stepfor of you white. {hmm]

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 11/04/2012 20:03

Do you know I went through this phase when my ds1 was little. You devote that much time and attention to your new boy that you wonder what the hell you did with your time pre children.

Well, unfortunately, there's no miracle. Unless you get a cleaner.

It's simply getting into the knack of prioritising, getting organised and getting on with it.

Some things aren't important to do everyday. Fill the sink up with hot water when you're doing breakfast etc and wash up as you go. Get clothes and bags ready the night before. Stick a wash on first thing in the morning etc. it's not easy but otherwise you'll run yourself ragged.

My eldest is 5 now and I miss the days when he wanted me constantly. Don't wish them away.

And he wasn't interested in playing with other children until he was 3 and a half ish. And parks are the best day out. Wrap up. Take bread for the ducks. Collect nature things on your way. Take a sandwich, some fruit and a little flask.

It's not easy but you'll get into different routines as they grow up.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 11/04/2012 20:03

married trust me he goes because mil wants him to and because she then runs around behind him! He's always gone and is not allowed to miss a Sunday. It is to do with mil not me. He could stay and help me couldn't he? But he gets Sunday lunch and an afternoon on the sofa at mil's.

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 11/04/2012 20:08

Can't you offer to make Sunday lunch every other weekend and invite your mil to join you and your family.