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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

reporting very bad white van man

91 replies

ScarlettAlexandra · 11/04/2012 12:07

aibu for thinking there should be an easy way to report bad abusive drivers to the police easily.

yesterday i was badly cut up an swore at by a white van man, i then by coincidence followed him to our local garage to get petrol. as he was getting petrol i said i would have been more patient (and was going to let him in anyway) with him if he had not sworn at me especially with two little ones with me. he then swore and shouted sonething along the lines if learn to drive f this f that. i got my petrol in tears and was really shook by this behaviour.

i called the police when i got home still in tears and because i didnt take reg (i was too upset) they didnt want to know. aibu to think they should have acted considering the garage would have had cctv?

OP posts:

limitedperiodonly · 11/04/2012 12:44

He has committed a crime. He used threatening and abusive words and behaviour causing OP alarm, distress and harassment.

I accept the police may not have the evidence to act on that or the time to go through security footage in this case but please don't run away with the idea that no crime has been committed here.

The majority of police work is not solving complicated murders or tearing around after armed robbers. It is reassuring us that they will do their best to deal with anti-social behaviour which affects far more lives than 'major' crime.

The police did nothing of the sort in OP's case. If she had taken his registration number they could have spoken to him but I'm not confident they would have bothered.

And that's the point - for society to work, people to feel safe and arseholes like this to behave themselves, we need to have confidence the police will do something rather than giving the impression they can't be bothered.

As it is this man and many like him will continue doing this because it makes him feel big and there's no penalty. And people are blaming the OP for this?

hairylemon · 11/04/2012 12:45

guess we'll agree to disagree on that one mable

Carrying on a very minor bit of road rage in a petrol station is pretty aggressive, on both sides.

NeilsBoar · 11/04/2012 12:45

As a cyclist I'm afraid I find behaviour like that from motorists quite worrying, even if it is only swearing.

Once you're out of your car and someone else is in theirs being aggressive then they have a deadly weapon at their disposal.

Would those being so dismissive be quite so dismissive if the bloke had been waving a cricket bat whilst 'only' saying fuck at OP?

ajandjjmum · 11/04/2012 12:46

ninah - at traffic lights, when the traffic has stopped etc. Tbf these situations normally arise in traffic when some dickhead isn't going as fast as he wants to.

hairylemon · 11/04/2012 12:48

Neils - probably not. But as far as I can tell from the OP he wasnt waving a cricket bat

Jusfloatingby · 11/04/2012 12:49

In the cold light of day, saying something to the guy at the petrol station was risky. However, when you're shaken and upset you don't always think like that. Loads of people would have done what the OP did and he sounds like an aggressive, ignorant knob who will hopefully tussle with the wrong person someday.

OP when some twat of a driver behaves like that to me I always think 'I'll never have to see him again. Some poor unfortunate is probably married to him or has him for her boss'. It makes me feel slightly better.

Original poster

ScarlettAlexandra · 11/04/2012 12:52

hairy i would say im the least agressive person i know, if he had drove off i would not have seen him again. it was only because he was infront of me in the petrol cue i said something. i would never follow an agressive driver to carry on the fight.

OP posts:

animula · 11/04/2012 12:53

I don't have an opinion on this particular instance but I do want to contradict posters who are saying that the police don't take road rage incidents seriously.

They do. If you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling badly threatened by another drive, do 'phone the police, they will take it seriously. Don't get out of your car, 'phone from inside.

As I said, I don't have any opinion on this particular instance.

BellaOfTheBalls · 11/04/2012 12:55

limitedperiod of course in a Utopian society I'm sure every half decent citizen would love that to be the case. But it's not humanly possible. It would take an unbelievable amount of manpower.

OP you're not in the wrong & yes in an ideal the man would be reprimanded. But if someone has already sworn at you, it seems churlish to assume that they are going to respond politely and calmly when confronted because they do not believe they've done anything wrong.

Original poster

ScarlettAlexandra · 11/04/2012 12:55

when i phoned i called the new 101 number took my details logged the incident, but couldnt take it any furthet cause i didnt take the reg.

i feel let down by the police tbh

OP posts:

BIWI · 11/04/2012 12:59

But if you didn't take the registration number, what do you expect them to do?! Send out lots of patrol cars looking for a white van with a sweary man inside it?!

And I agree - your attempt to 'clear the air' was actually very passive aggressive.

When WVM swore at you, what had you done to merit that? You said that he cut you up - but why would he have sworn at you if he had achieved something he wanted? Could it be that you were the one driving badly?

hairylemon · 11/04/2012 13:03

Dont get me wrong he sounds like a total buttmunch and may the fleas of a thousand camels infest his undies, but you did carry it on in a very passive aggressive manner and you both need your heads knocking together.

hairylemon · 11/04/2012 13:07

oh fgs, you let yourself down by not taking the reg.

I think my point about pa is being proven marvellously here.

BIWI - I wondered that also.

Original poster

ScarlettAlexandra · 11/04/2012 13:34

i was in a middle lane coming up to an island. i could see him to my left behind a black fiesta. he was not indicating so when i let the fiesta in so they could turn right at the island i pulled up behind it slightly the man in the van wanted to do the same and barged infront still with no idication. i had no choice but to pull back. at which he shouted at me the first time.

he cut infront of another driver at the next island too (i was about two cars behind) he looked like he was in a rush or something. other than me not realising what he wss about to do i dont see i was doing anything wrong.

OP posts:

GrahamTribe · 11/04/2012 13:37

BIWI, your last question. Yep, I wondered that too. I've been known to swear and cut people up

when they've driven like complete assholes.

YonWhaleFish · 11/04/2012 13:39

SOunds like a bad driver. Try not to let it get to you, it isn't personal, and he'll only have the power to upset you if you let him.

I wouldn't EVER approach anyone who has shown aggressive form - anything could happen.

Original poster

ScarlettAlexandra · 11/04/2012 13:40

maybe backing off and not swearing would be a better solution. i could have made things worse if i hadnt backed off myself.

OP posts:

GrahamTribe · 11/04/2012 13:41

I X posted with you Scarlett. And I'm not too sure I follow you (brain fog complicated by splitting headache, heap of accounts and lack of coffee) but it seems you weren't an asshole driver. :)

Pendeen · 11/04/2012 13:44

CCTV does not usually have sound. Most commercial CCTVs are lousy as regards picture quality anyway. As evidence, any footage from these cameras is probably almost useless

Unless the police keep a running log of all allegations made against each driver (I'm sure they do not) then you are probably not going to get anywhere by 'reporting' these two incidents.

That is, unless the 'advice' given to me on another thread was correct - a poster told me that it is "illegal to cause offence".

Original poster

ScarlettAlexandra · 11/04/2012 13:49

thats what i thought pendeen.

OP posts:

StrandedBear · 11/04/2012 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ScarlettAlexandra · 11/04/2012 13:59

i thought they could have got the reg from the cctv and warned him or something, you would be able to see how upset i was too.

OP posts:

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 11/04/2012 14:03

You are being ridiculous to feel let down by the police. This man shouted at you after you provoked him, already knowing that he had a tendency towards twatishness behaviour!

And you think the police should be wasting time finding CCTV footage then chasing him up just to say don't swear at women who come over you to make a dig?

Seriously?

BIWI · 11/04/2012 14:07

TBH I can see why he would have been cross with you. You were in the lane overtaking him and the Fiesta in front of him, yet you slowed down to let the Fiesta in.

You slowing down prevented him from being able to move into the lane he needed to be in.

I know you probably think you were being courteous to let the Fiesta out, but if you had to brake to let the Fiesta out, then you were too close to really let the Fiesta out safely, and you should have carried on driving at the speed you were going, so the Fiesta would have then pulled out behind you.

maddening · 11/04/2012 14:10

I was behind a slow car once in dark and pouring rain on a busy road with v few places you could overtake safely. A white van was up my arse all the way and trying to overtake with on coming traffic (admittadly after a couple of times of this crazy overtaking lark where he had to keep swerving back to 1 inch behind my bumper I did put on my fog light - I was scared and heavily pregnant) and at the roundabout managed to get his number plate and company name - I did call his place of work and complained and felt better for it - the man was dangerous and could have caused an accident - at the very least he is an utter bully and I hate bullies so was happy to complain

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