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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never leave my house again

34 replies

Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:06

Took the Dcs out today just a walk to a local village. We stopped off at the local cafe and the Dcs where sitting we were chatting and so on the waiter came with nuggets for Ds (3) and he stated very loudly , 'fuck you'. The waiter turned red and walked off. Ds has a bit of a speech problem and if he is tried or excited it shows so I just thought it was that. I got some odd looks from around me, I ignored it and they ate.

We left and started walking back the lady who used to teach my Sunday school when I was little spotted us. She is nice but she is also very 'prim and proper' she is also an ex-headteacher. We stopped to talk and Ds said ' fuck sake mum I don't want to stop' [bublush] . The lady launched into a lecture at Ds about his language. She said 'god will punish you for using words like that' To which Dd (5) piped in saying 'mummy and daddy don't believe in god cause daddy is a racist' (We worked out later she meant atheist) Lady turned an odd purple-red colour. I said sorry and good-bye and ranas fast as the Dcs would go.

We walked to the shop and while walking I explained to Ds that he shouldn't say it and so on. He looked thoughtful and just as we got into the very long queue he said 'Is this like when daddy said I shouldn't call you a bitch even though granny said it'
Dh has not told me about this at all. The whole queue and shop staff turned to stare at us. I wanted the ground to swollow me up.

I am never leaving the house again-ever.

OP posts:
Original poster
Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:08

Would also like to say I have no idea where he learned those words. Me and Dh don't swear and never really have. He has never seen anything like that on tv either.
[bublush]

OP posts:
Gumby · 09/04/2012 22:08

Did all that really happen Shock

You need to stop swearing in front of the kids!

squeakytoy · 09/04/2012 22:09

Sounds like your family need to moderate their language in front of your children.

I dont really subscribe to the "ignore" approach either. If you ignore something then a child assumes it is acceptable.

Original poster
Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:10

I ignored it first time because I just thought he was saying thank you as he often has a speech issue and it kind of sounds the same.

OP posts:
DialsMavis · 09/04/2012 22:10

Do you and your DH swear a lot in front if your DC?

Dawndonna · 09/04/2012 22:12

It's still the school holidays!

DialsMavis · 09/04/2012 22:12

X posts. Someone is swearing a lot in the company if your DC, and bad mouthing you too it would seem. If it really isn't you swearing I would be finding out who is

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2012 22:12

It's all a bit strange

You do need to moderate your language or at least make sure whoever is using this language around them stops.

Perhaps a word with your 5yr old about talking back to an adult who's pulling her brother up for swearing, is a good idea too.

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 09/04/2012 22:13

I believe this happened. George Clooney asked me on a date today in Sainsbos too. Funny old world ay it?

Original poster
Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:13

No me and Dh don't swear in front of Dcs. We don't swear as a rule anyway just incase. I don't think I've ever said the F-word while with Dh just because we have never really bothered.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 09/04/2012 22:16

Well I find it amazing that a 3yo knows words like fuck and bitch but has never to your knowledge heard them.... perhaps you need to look a bit closer at others who he is in contact with, because he certainly wouldnt have heard it on CBeebies..

Original poster
Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:17

Believe me I wish George Cloony had asked me on a date as well. Sadly this happened.
Oh I've had a word with Dd about talking back and she said she was sorry and has written a sorry card to the lady.
We don't see Granny anymore anyway. I have no idea were he got the F-word from. I am hoping Dh will be able to tell me when he gets in from work

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/04/2012 22:18

If he has a speech issue, how did he say "'Is this like when daddy said I shouldn't call you a bitch even though granny said it"....clear enough for everyone to understand and stop and stare? Confused

Original poster
Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:21

Wish I hadn't posted now. I sound like a bad mum.
I really didn't know he knew those words. Dh never told me about the bitch incident and he has never said the F-word until today while I have been around.

OP posts:
Original poster
Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:23

well he lisped through some of it, though its not a major issue if he is 'normal' it's when he is tired or excited or upset that it becomes a problem for him

OP posts:
karinajack · 09/04/2012 22:24

I think u need to teach him right from wrong .. I am no angel and do occasionally swear in front of ds who is 4 however he knows which words are not acceptable and tells me off !! U can't just turn a blind eye to this or make excuses about his speech he needs telling !

Anniegetyourgun · 09/04/2012 22:24

Why would you feel embarrassed if your DS is using bad words that you know you didn't teach him or expose him to? What you should be feeling is b... hah, best not swear, very annoyed and determined to nail whoever is doing it.

Mind you it could be from an even younger child at playschool, that's where my brother learned most of his bad language from!

Flossiechops · 09/04/2012 22:25

My ds who is 7 picked up my iphone other day as it bleeped when I received a message, I asked him to read me the message, it read "thank fuck...." one of my friends had sent me the message. Ds said the word fuck as normally as he would say "ok" as he had no idea what the word meant, as he had never heard it before. I really think you need to find how your children are picking up such vile language, I would be truly horrified if my dc spoke like that. I would not leave the house again either. Seriously though a three year old saying "fuck you"?

Chilenachica · 09/04/2012 22:28

Re last bit, I would have said Yes, if grandma did say that about me then it is exactly the same, what did Daddy say when grandma said it Darling?

I would also have pulled DS up on the very first one, and every one that followed. It may not have been you that he learned from, but unless you are happy for him to continue in this way it is up you to teach him not to. I'm not trying to be judgy, it' just -who else is going to teach him.

With the Sunday school teacher, something like, he/she doesn't fully understand these words.

Hope you feel comfortable leaving the house soon

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 09/04/2012 22:28

Mine picked up language at nursery/school. Also when in the car with my mother, who I had to have words with about swearing at other drivers. They tend to do it a lot, then you deal with it and it's done, so hopefully today was the worst of it and now you can try to find the source and deal with it, and won't have any nightmare days like this again.

McHappyPants2012 · 09/04/2012 22:29

didn't you say sorry to the waiter.

you need to explain that these words are horrible, to me if DC ever did say a horrid word it would be the naughty step

Original poster
Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:30

He has been told that the words were bad and that he shouldn't use them. He has said sorry and there were tears later on at bedtime because he thought I was angry with him for it.
I was embarrassed because every person in the village is going to thing I have taught my Ds to say those words. I am going to find who taught him though. If he has learnt it in nursery then I shall be having words with parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
Midnightmoon · 09/04/2012 22:34

I said sorry to the waiter and left a large tip to try and say sorry.
He know that if it happens again it is the naughty area for him. He said he didn't know it was a bad word. I asked who told him and he said he didn't remember.

OP posts:
ConsiderYourself · 09/04/2012 22:36

I wouldn't worry too much then, if you don't swear generally, and you've had the "shouldn't say that" conversations, though it might have to be done a few more times.

We rarely swear either, and yet at 3, my dd3 took to using the F-word. I had to warn pre-school that she was doing it so her friend wouldn't get the blame, though I had to feel a little proud that she was using it in context, i.e. "I don't want to play with fucking Barbie". It stopped after a week or so.

With words that aren't swearing, but not awfully polite, I resort to "well, don't say it in front of Grandma". Didn't stop my 9yo asking me, in front of Grandma, "what does sexually-charged mean?". Tried not to splutter my tea....

Avenged · 09/04/2012 22:48

I'd be thinking about limiting contact with any relatives/friends, he has contact with, who you know tend to swear when angry/irritated/annoyed etc and let them know why contact with your DC is limited. Oh and what about other parents at school? Have you ever heard any of them swear?

Clamp down on your DC swearing too so they all know you are not going to tolerate foul language. Have you had his hearing checked at all? Just asking because, obviously, kids will only repeat what they hear HOW they hear it IYSWIM, so someone may have said something he may have heard as f* off, when it wasn't actually that which was said. Hearing conditions will affect speech in a child.

My friend's son had glue ear and teachers were wondering why he wasn't pronouncing his phonics properly. It turned out that her son had glue ear when far younger, which was never treated and so was causing all sorts of problems with his speech. He was due for a grommets operation, but that was cancelled as his glue ear was improving, so his hearing improved and then his speech came on by leaps and bounds in the space of 1.5 months and is a heck of a lot clearer and can be understood well now.