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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

unfriendly neighbour

39 replies

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 19:59

New neighbours moved in about a year ago. Have kids a little younger than mine. Had a few short exchanges when they first arrived, nothing much more than hello, how was the move? All settled? Etc

Tried to strike up conversation with the lady of the house on a few occasions when we met in the street. She cut me off, saying she was busy/coyldnt chat/had to go....took her at face value, until maybe the 5th or 6th time. Then it dawned on me, that she doesn't want to talk to me.

That's fine, can't be friends with everyone etc etc BUT she won't even greet me in passing, she won't make eye contact and stares fixedly ahead as we pass...So, she has made het position clear...

I just find the situation ridiculous....we live next door to each other and completely blank one another! I don't suppose there is anything I can do really, just interested in other peoples thoughts

The man of the house will sometimes offer a smile or a hello. I don't see him so often (i see her daily!) But I find that a bit uncomfortable- to be on ignoring terms with het and greeting terms with him

OP posts:

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 09/04/2012 20:01

I'd just say hello anyway, if she doesn't reply it's no skin off your nose . Or you could say something like "have I offended you in some way?" if you are really bothered

SuePoiblybilt · 09/04/2012 20:02

I have the same thing on one side. Moved in two years ago - one friendly chat over the fence.
Now he pretends he doesn't see me. And it's kind of awkward cos it's gone on for so long so I do it too . No falling out - no bad neighbour y things but we both pretend we don't see one another .

Maybe he fancies you and she's copped on?

BubbleBobble · 09/04/2012 20:15

Maybe she's scared of being 'drawn in' to a friendship with you? Lots of people don't want this from their neighbours, they just want to be left alone.

Or, maybe she's a rude testicle.

Original poster

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 20:16

I did for a while fish but she wad making it so clear she doesn't want to greet me, I started to feel like it was almost offensive to keep doing it...like I'm not respecting her wishes

They seem pretty tight sue I wouldn't think he has wandering eyes. I find it bizarre. Have you never in 2 years needed to talk to him? About neighbourly things? Are you ever tempted to break the silence with a big BOO!

OP posts:

Original poster

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 20:19

maybe bubble it crossed my mind. It's a bit extreme though huh? I don't want to go round for coffee or owt. It's just nice IMO to greet each other/put bins out/talk about the fence etc etc

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 09/04/2012 20:22

Are you my neighbour?
The previous ones moved under a bit of a cloud to say the least and the new ones are friends of theirs so "we know that they know that we know" and all the rest of it, and after the bloody carry on we had with the last lot, I just don't want to know.
I also have the problem that I am faceblind so unless they're standing on their own step, I have no idea who they are and tend to just blank people because it just doesn't register they're talking to me or who they are. I only remembered the previous ones because their daughter had a set of really distinctive earmuffs - other than that I was lost.
Anyway all that wittering boils down to, I don't know my neighbours, all I know is they have the loudest baby in the world not his fault, he's new and can't get the staff and that's it. I think DH says hello if he sees them, but I wouldn't know them if I fell over them, and don't want to.

TheSockPuppet · 09/04/2012 20:23

You say you used to try and strike up conversation with her so maybe she avoids you or blanks you in the street, to avoid an awkward conversation. Some people just aren't very social. It could be one of a variety of problems, social phobia, agoraphobia, too much going on at home and the thought of striking up conversation seems too much.

Continue to say hi when she passes if you want, to remain friendly, but I wouldn't keep persisting a friendship.

SuePoiblybilt · 09/04/2012 20:24

The BOO is more tempting .
No - he lives alone and tbh I rarely see him (huge hedges and we're not attached so no regular issues). But there is a path between us where we can see one another clearly and just pretend not to. With about 3 feet between us .
One of these days I'll crack and have to sing out YooHoo, I can seeeee youuuuuu.

I'm friendly with the other side. And the side beyond him . So I like to think it's more him than me.

witch000 · 09/04/2012 20:29

Have you ever offended them without you knowing maybe ?

Original poster

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 20:32

Not me pom

Yeah sue our pavements are only just wide enough to pass without touching!

I'm just going to have to get over it aren't i?

I did wander about phobiad or just life too much without fending me off...maybe. I'm quite shy, not over bearing...but maybe that's irrelevant.

A part of me wonders if I should be a bit worried about het, but she does have friends, so...

OP posts:

Original poster

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 20:34

I've wracked my brains witch I don't think so. We haven't had enough interaction for me to have said/done anything really

OP posts:

Original poster

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 20:36

Maybe though....just from observation, she's decided she doesn't like me

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 09/04/2012 20:38

Is it possible your DCs are all going to want to play out this summer? That could be awkward.

SundaeGirl · 09/04/2012 20:39

Some people are just weird. It's likely she is one of them.

WeAreBornToSmile · 09/04/2012 20:40

Original poster

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 20:42

I know sparkling!! They ate a bot young for going off by themselves, but we frequent the same parks/school etc

My dd1 is really socialable, I just know there is going to come a time when she will want het round for tea

Cringe!

OP posts:

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 09/04/2012 20:42

She could have really low self esteem or be shy? Why don't you try ONE last time? Stick a note through her door...ask her to come for a cup of coffee when ever she likes as you'd love to get to know her.

She may ignore...or not.

FWIW my neighbour wants nothing to do with me and I find it hurtful as our DDs are similar ages.

miserable cow that she is

Original poster

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 20:43

Shall I ignore husband too, so its a uniform blankness?!

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 09/04/2012 20:44

Organise a mahoosive Golden Jubilee street party and make them join in.

ooer · 09/04/2012 20:45

Funny. I say Good Morning to complete strangers round here. No skin off my rosy nose if they don't reply. Our nearish neighbours are a bit standoffish so I don't stop to talk with them, just Good Morning and keep walking. But then I live in the country. I sometimes forget, and greet complete strangers when walking into town ...

Sparklingbrook · 09/04/2012 20:45

Or is it Diamond? Sorry Ma'am.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/04/2012 20:45

She is a wise woman, your neighbour.

The key to good neighborly relations are tall fences and no contact.
If you observe this rule, you can be certain never to fall out!

Why is it so important to you?

You sound a bit needy, like a "friendship vulture" sorry.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/04/2012 20:47

You dont have to invite neighbours daughter around for tea just because your dd wants it. (That is possibly exactly what your neighbour is worried about)

MushroomMagee · 09/04/2012 20:47

We only moved last Friday but so far I LOVE my new neighbours (slightly swayed by the fact that I'm currently eating the home made fudge they dropped over :o) however, I wouldn't ALWAYS want to chat to them / be drawn into conversation as we do see them quite often when we're coming and going / putting bins out etc and there are times when I just want to get on or am not feeling great etc. I would hate for them (or anyone) to think me rude.

What I'm getting at is: is it at all possible its just coincidence? If she was nice at first then could it be that you are bumping into her at the same time each day e.g. on her way to work or something?

ZZZenAgain · 09/04/2012 20:48

well I think it is no big deal to smile at a neighbour in passing or say hello. I think she is wary of doing it in case you feel it is an invitation to start a conversation. For whatever reason she has decided not to get involved with her neighbours.

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