Is my Mum BU or am I?

[DialsMavis]

DD is nearly 17 months old and a fantastic eater, she eats absolutely anything and loves it. She is my 2nd child, so I know this may not last and I am determined to not make food an issue if she goes through a fussy stage as I did with DS.

DD has recently decided she won't be fed at all anymore and has to do it herself. She starts off with cutlery and then gets a but fed up and eats with her hands (not soup or yoghurt or anything like that) . We give her the spoon and fork back, but pretty much leave her to it. I think that table manners can come a bit later and just want her to enjoy eating. We also never try and make her eat if she isn't hungry and let her eat as much as she likes when she has. She has recently started trying to chuck food on the floor when she is full, then we step straight in, tell her no and take the food away.

My Mum says watching her eat is disgusting and we can't possibly let her do it in public.

So, am I right and she is just a baby who will learn from example and by not being allowed to be deliberately gross with food, or is DM? If I am U, what do I do about it?

Tell you mother that nobody is forcing her to watch. If your DD was 5 or 6 and doing the same, she might have a point, but at 17 months, she's BU. Children that age are just learning how to handle cutlery and get the food into their mouths any way they can. It's not disgusting, it's what children do.

I really have a thing about table manners especially with children whose parents are too lazy or ignorant themselves to teach them but I have to say it sounds like you're doing everything just right. She's 17 months, not 4! Ignore your mum.

How else do they learn how to feed themselves?

You're right, she's forgotten what kids are capable of at that age.

I wholeheartedly agree with you and PomBear. Carry on doing what you're doing, YANBU!

Who is it that's forcing your mother to watch?

I got all the tut-tutting about my DDs at this stage, I did the - silly grandma getting in a tizz about a bit of mess-thing. DDs found it highly amusing

You are right!

If she was playing up then that would be one thing but developing her cutlery handling skills is necessary and valuable and will enable her to use better manners when the time is right for those.

wush my ds wanted to be independent like that. He is 21mo and happy to be fed, which I don't indulge as much as possible, but his lack of inclination means his cutlery skills are behind that of many his age. He'll get there and we teach him good manners but your dd will be streets ahead.

Your mum definetly. Sound normal for a 17 mo.

Ahhh thank you, was doubting myself a bit, with no idea how to change it anyway. DM went out to lunch with a 15 month old yesterday who had perfect manners apparently . We always clean up after ourselves when out and about, would never leave it for anyone else to do.

Bet the 15mo was spoon fed and never got it's mitts anywhere near the food.

i think her memory has compressed events from when she was a mum. She'll go back to crowing about your dd when she is not even two and doing silver service and chopsticks and everything. [buenvy]

I think DS was happy just to be fed for ages, then all he ate was fish fingers. At 9 he has a fairly good diet and good manners. By the time they start school they invariably eat properly, use the toilet and don't need a pushchair. I had sleepless nights when DS was 3 and still wearing nappies and being ferried around in a push chair. They all level out in the end .

ahhhh thanks DialsMavis that reassurance was welcome. [bugrin]

It sounds like you are doing a great job. Mealtimes sound like fun which is exactly what they should be at that age!

She has in the last few days figured out the correlation between frequency of dinner rubbed in ones hair and frequency of awful Mummy washing her hair whilst she screams like she is being tortured

I had one who was a terrible eater at this age and beyond, as in - almost phobic. Must be lovely to have one who is enthusiastic and independent in this way

It is, but am very aware it could all change imminently if we get into any sort of a battle over eating or even just because she might suddenly hate food. That's why I am happy to leave her as she and not rock the boat. Is your DC better with their eating now? When DS wouldn't eat the food i made him, I think I saw it as a rejection of my love or something.

Dials - yes, it's DS1 and I had a long hard road, with lots of strategic thinking to get him to try different things. He's 11 now and his diet is really good. At the time, every other friend I had had really good eaters. And yes, it is terribly frustrating and an emotive thing - I didn't manage to bf him either so it made me feel quite guilty.

Now, I encounter lots of DC who have the sort of restricted diet he used to have - so it's more common than I ever realised.

You are right not your mum.

Ds2 is 3 now and at about the same age he went through the 'throw food on floor cos I'm full' stage. He doesn't do it now and eats very well.

Send her to watch my 2yo DD. She eats everything with her hands, including yogurt. Cutlery is brandished as a weapon to prevent anyone stealing her food

YANBU and your mum is BU. Good eaters like your DD are a joy and should be encouraged - mealtimes can so easily develop into a battle.

My mother was so strict about table manners (and eating everthing on my plate type discipline) during my childhood that I developed several assorted eating disorders which lasted many years.

Our 17 month old is exactly the same - we leave him to it. I think it is the accepted practice nowadays.

I had to eat everything on my plate too, and I am sure that is why I struggle to stop eating when I am full even now . My mum is most put out that I took her advice to lose weight and now keeps trying to ply me with cake whenever I visit

I can understand what your mum means.Whilst it is fine at home , I don't think it is acceptable in a restaurant .It will gross out otrher diners!

ariadne1, it's good to hear a different opinion but what should I do about it? Never take her out to eat, or have her cry and shove the spoon away if I try and feed her? That's what I am struggling with a bit, as even though I don't think I am BU, I would hate to offend other people or have them think we are gross/crap parents- am terrible people pleaser, even complete strangers at the other end of the m & s cafe. I suppose I could only give sandwiches and clean food when out, but it would worry be that fussiness might start to develop

Ariadne1, I certainly would not be grossed out in a restaurant by a 17 month old trying to feed herself. The OP is clearly making sure her DD is not getting into chucking food on the floor and being firm with that so I can't see the problem.

OP My DP just wandered by and read this over my shoulder, he says you should tell your DM to "butt out and you're doing fine"