Is my Mum BU or am I?

[DialsMavis]

DD is nearly 17 months old and a fantastic eater, she eats absolutely anything and loves it. She is my 2nd child, so I know this may not last and I am determined to not make food an issue if she goes through a fussy stage as I did with DS.

DD has recently decided she won't be fed at all anymore and has to do it herself. She starts off with cutlery and then gets a but fed up and eats with her hands (not soup or yoghurt or anything like that) . We give her the spoon and fork back, but pretty much leave her to it. I think that table manners can come a bit later and just want her to enjoy eating. We also never try and make her eat if she isn't hungry and let her eat as much as she likes when she has. She has recently started trying to chuck food on the floor when she is full, then we step straight in, tell her no and take the food away.

My Mum says watching her eat is disgusting and we can't possibly let her do it in public.

So, am I right and she is just a baby who will learn from example and by not being allowed to be deliberately gross with food, or is DM? If I am U, what do I do about it?

I think other diners in a restaurant just like children to be well behaved in the sense that they're not disturbing the peace iyswim. Little toddlers eating messily won't even register on most peoples' radar.

I don't like toddlers running around but I'm not worried (or interested) in how they eat. They are learning.

Nobody is likely to be grossed out by a 17 month old eating with their hands. It's far better that she eats happily and unfussily right now and the table manners will follow as she gets a little older and better able to manage cutlery.

That is my feeling too. Better a baby that eats whatever they are given, but gets it on their face, than a baby who eats only the same bland meal, but does it daintily ( and has to be bribed into that). My children sit nicely, don't tear around and would be swiftly removed if they started to impede on others dining experience (ha! It's not like we go fine dining anyway)

i wouldn't really want to see a toddler squishting mashed potato with her hands while i was eating!

So don't watch.

Your mum is BU. I did BLW with my dd2, I had to because she just wouldn't let me feed her! She ate everything with her hands until she was about 20 months old, and then she started trying with a spoon or fork. She's 5 now and can feed herself quite fine. It was messy but TBH aren't all feeding times with babies messy? I think with eating out, can you just choose finger food for her when you're in a cafe? That way it won't be too messy.

YANBU, your daughter is doing precisely what my twins do at 21 months, I think it is more important that they enjoy a wide range of foods and mealtimes are not a battlefield. As for eating out, I usually get panini or pizza (the boy is a bit fussier) or let eat what I am. If it is a bit messy so what, they are learning gross motor skills and table manners can come later. I'm with all the MNs who say a child eating quietly, however messy is better.

Another one here with a LO who is a messy eater. She is enthusiastic, exuberant and experimental at the table. And we indulge her in it. Having 2 girls I want them to enjoy eating and food, rather than developing issues with it. I think I am probably less of a people pleaser than you are OP, because I agree with cuttingpicasso that anyone who is upset or grossed out by my youngest's eating habits can avert their eyes.

YANBU but your mum is being unrealistic. My little girl is 2 and like yours is an amazing eater but can't altogether wield cutlery properly. We often take her out to eat and she often uses her fingers and the only comments we have ever had have been along the lines of, "Isn't it a treat to watch a little one who likes her food." If other people don't like it they can butt out and mind their own business, She is learning and loving it.

This is how my 14mth old is and my parents to joke /comment but I just brush them off, if they carry on I offer to bore them with my reasons for blw (which is what we are doing). He is getting much better with his spoon and fork now so in the long run I think the approach will pay off.

My 14 month old was once told (affectionately) that he was the messiest eater they had served. They didn't mind-it was easy to clean up and mainly on his face.