Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH and MIL?

50 replies

ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 09/04/2012 15:51

I am feeling rotten today with a suspected stomach bug (am 12 weeks pregnant and am fairly susceptible to picking these up while pg).

DH has been good today taking care of dd (2). He was planning on going into work for a few hours today so I said to him this morning he might need to drop dd over to his mother for a while if so as I couldn't manage on my own. MIL was over for dd's birthday party on Saturday & mentioned then she was available to mind dd over the bank holiday weekend if we wanted a break. Nice offer but until today had no intention of taking her up on it.

Anyway DH didn't go to work in the end but just announced MIL is on her way over. I've had to extricate myself from the couch & slope back to bed. I don't feel up to seeing anyone & am a state. I'm annoyed with MIL & DH too cos apparently he rang her earlier & mentioned he might go to her or she could come over (NOT what I said to him). She'd didn't actually check if it suited but is en route. Who goes to a house with a pukey person there expecting to be entertained? My mum would never do this as she knows DH would hate it. MIL has history in this sort of thing. I feel like crap & was happy on couch with DH and dd so am annoyed I'm now forced to hide in the bedroom. AIBU?

OP posts:
smoggii · 09/04/2012 15:58

So MIL offered to look after your kid, you are unwell, she is on her way over to help look after your kid because your DH told her you are unwell and you are pissed off...I don't get it.

lurkedtoolong · 09/04/2012 15:58

You might be a little U. Is MIL coming over to help look after DD with the intention of letting you have a rest?

DPrince · 09/04/2012 16:00

So your dh said she could come over and you are annoyed she didn't then check with you as well? Biscuit

Eggrules · 09/04/2012 16:02

YABU DH 'rang her earlier & mentioned he might go to her or she could come over'.

DH is BVU

Original poster
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 09/04/2012 16:03

We don't need her to look after dd.DH can manage fine on his own. She's coming over for something to do. Her being here is just a hassle when I'm sick. I wouldn't want my own mum here in these circumstances. I only suggested he ask heer took mind dd if he needed to go to work & then it would have been at her house.

OP posts:
Kayano · 09/04/2012 16:06

If your in bed what does it matter.

Presumably you would be out of the way anyway?

No don't get it

DPrince · 09/04/2012 16:06

But he said she could come. How is it her fault? Is dh not allowed to invite people round of his own accord? If you made it clear to dh you are not up to vistors, he is bu. But I fail to see what your mil has done.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/04/2012 16:07

If he's not at work then u don't need her to look after ur dd so dh is being vu to invite her round and she is being u agreeing to it not to mention stupid! Does she want the bug too???

Original poster
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 09/04/2012 16:11

Fair enough dprince (I did mention I was annoyed with DH) but I still don't think it's ok to go to a sick persons house without checking, even if just along the lines if, is 3pm ok? It would have given me a chance to step in.

Kayano, I had graduated to the couch and was watching a film with DH while dd napped. Felt semi human. Now banished to the bed and can't wander around my own house or see my daughter.

OP posts:
JugsMcGee · 09/04/2012 16:14

But if I was going to someone's house and they'd told me it was ok, I wouldn't think to check with that person's DH/DW that it was ok, that would be odd.

I wouldn't go to someone's house when they were vomiting mind you, but that's not really the point.

Yes, be annoyed with DH, but your MIL has done nothing wrong.

Eggrules · 09/04/2012 16:14

I would hate to have visitors (even close family) if I were ill.

Your DH invited her and so she doesn't need to check imo - and I hate pop in visitors. If she isn't helping I don't understand why she would visit. Has she had your bug?

Original poster
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 09/04/2012 16:15

Thank you whereismycaffeinedrip, that's exactly how I feel.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 09/04/2012 16:18

No she hasn't had the bug. That wouldn't bother her anyway. She's here for a social visit. I know DH invited her (grrr) but in her shoes I would have said, no thanks, don't want to be in the way.

Anyway, DH haas apologised and is taking MIl and dd out for a long walk. Thanks all for feedback.

OP posts:
DPrince · 09/04/2012 16:19

Why would she check? Dh invited her. I'll repeat my question, do you not allow dh to invite people. Or do other guests always call you and 'check'? You have a 'suspected' stomach bug, not ideal to visit someone when the are ill, but some people don't mind. It may not be contagious. Still don't get what she has done, tbh. Sorry, but it sounds like you just don't like her, but its ok when she babysits. If she babysat, your child may have the 'suspected' bug and not yet showing signs and given it to mil anyway. If its about risk of spreading illness, no one should be in or out.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/04/2012 16:23

If she knows she's ill ( I'm assuming that dh told her) then it's both of them
Being a bit selfish IMO cos u just don't do that . Common courtesy if someone is ill. If dh didn't tell her then blame lies with him completely. It's selfish.

Gumby · 09/04/2012 16:23

Why are you banished to the bedroom and can't see your dd?! How bizarre
Just carry on as you were

She's probably just lonely on her own on a bank holiday weekend

Maybe your dh invited her over to talk to someone who's not lounging about being ill?

Original poster
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 09/04/2012 16:25

Dprince, I would check. So would DH. I do blame DH for inviting her in the first place but I don't think she should have accepted.

She is not here to babysit. She is not concerned about getting a bug.

I do like my MIL, but find her trying about stuff like this. I want my own space when sick, I wouldn't want anyone here.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 09/04/2012 16:27

Gumby she was here all day Saturday. Has loads of gc in the area. Yes she is probably bored today but why is that my problem?

OP posts:
upahill · 09/04/2012 16:32

I think you are just in a grumpy mood and nothing would suit you tbh.

Your posts are just bizzare 'I can't see my DD' 'She's probably bored but why is that my problem?'

Another mad day on MN

DPrince · 09/04/2012 16:34

So if someone invites you to theirs, you then phone their dp to check? I didn't say she was babysitting. I said that you seem concerned about her catching your bug, but failing to take into account she could catch if she looked after dd at her own house. Your dd could have the bug, but not be showing symptoms as you seem sure its contagious. So I don't know (given your worried about her getting ill) why you would have been ok if dd went to hers, as per your original request. But its up to you, you want to portion the blame on to her, its up to you.

clam · 09/04/2012 16:37

You "would check?" Really?
Okaaaaay.

Original poster
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 09/04/2012 16:38

In classic AIBU tradition, I hear what you're all saying, but still think IAMNBU.

:)

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 09/04/2012 16:38

Maybe she should just not care and leave you to it. Then you'd really have something to moan about!

DPrince · 09/04/2012 16:40

Ooohhh a double its up to you. My editing is pants :).

MrsMcEnroe · 09/04/2012 16:42

Why can't you see your DD if your MIL is visiting you?

Swipe left for the next trending thread