To be annoyed at DH and MIL?

[ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon]

I am feeling rotten today with a suspected stomach bug (am 12 weeks pregnant and am fairly susceptible to picking these up while pg).

DH has been good today taking care of dd (2). He was planning on going into work for a few hours today so I said to him this morning he might need to drop dd over to his mother for a while if so as I couldn't manage on my own. MIL was over for dd's birthday party on Saturday & mentioned then she was available to mind dd over the bank holiday weekend if we wanted a break. Nice offer but until today had no intention of taking her up on it.

Anyway DH didn't go to work in the end but just announced MIL is on her way over. I've had to extricate myself from the couch & slope back to bed. I don't feel up to seeing anyone & am a state. I'm annoyed with MIL & DH too cos apparently he rang her earlier & mentioned he might go to her or she could come over (NOT what I said to him). She'd didn't actually check if it suited but is en route. Who goes to a house with a pukey person there expecting to be entertained? My mum would never do this as she knows DH would hate it. MIL has history in this sort of thing. I feel like crap & was happy on couch with DH and dd so am annoyed I'm now forced to hide in the bedroom. AIBU?

I get that your DH shouldn't have invited her to come over if you were feeling poorly, but I can't see where she has dome anything wrong here, sorry. She was invited by her son, she came! Maybe you're feeling a bit grumpy because you're unwell, or maybe you have issues with her anyway?

If they're going out now it's all sorted, just relax and watch telly, don't stay all mad, it won't help how you're feeling!

So YABU mostly, but DH was a bit U as well!

dh shouldn't apologise, u r misguided. sorry but this time on aibu i can't agree with poster!

I don't really get it TBH but if it bothers you that much you should blame your H as he is the one that has invited her.
She's kindly offered to babysit why didn't you take it up on a day like today when you are ill?-ur lucky my mil is only interesting in looking afta my sil kids

Sometimes all you want when you feel sick is to be allowed to sit on the bloody sofa and watch tv in peace. You don't want to entertain random MILs. You want your husband to show some sodding initiative and care for your child or to take said child to the MILs to be cared for.

Sometimes you just want a bit of peace to feel ill and grumpy. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Is that it, OP? YANBU!

You're being mean, OP.

DH maybe should've run this by you, but this is his mother, not a stranger. I can totally understand why he'd think he didn't need your permission.

When you're feeling better, you'll probably realise how unreasonable you are.

I dont think the op has a problem with her mil. I think she just objects to someone being there who doesn't need to be when she's looking and feeling like crap. Think we can all get that part at least. I don't think anyone meant to be thoughtless think dh probably did just want some company and that it would be nice for the dd. BUT dh really should have thought things thru a bit. Even if the visitor is family u still feel u have to entertain and make conversation and u do feel rude hiding away even
when there's a good reason. The last thing anyone needs when ur running to the loo every few mins is visitors hearing it all. It's not rocket science for the pair of them to just think to have gone round hers instead. It's nothing personal. I know I wouldn't be happy if my dp invited people round and in fact he did bring his family with him one time when I'd just got back from the hospital with my them baby dd2. I didn't say anything but was secretly pissed right off as I'd had no sleep dd2 was exhausted too and last thing I wanted was even well meaning guests :(

ImperialBlether, I think I love you

(mwah)

:)

Cross posted, whereismycaffeinedrip, I love you a little bit too.

[bugrin] hope u feel better soon!!!

My feeling is that she does have a problem with her mil. Based on 'she has a history of this sort of thing'. She has a history of what? Visiting when invited? Yes its rubbish to have visitors when you're ill, but how can the guest be blamed when the have been invited? I just don't get it.

Sorry - forgot to add that I hope you get better soon. :)

You know what is unreasonable, unwell people moping about and lying on the couch, bed is where they should be, out of the road then it doesn't matter who calls round.

you are ill and grumpy and I can totally see why!!

Hope you feel better soon

xx

OP YABU to be cross with your MIL.
YANBU to be cross with your DH. HE invited HER.

I understand you wouldn't want anyone visiting when you are sick, but you can't have it both ways. You can't ask for help and rely on family, and then complain when they pop round.

I wouldn't want my ILs round when I was sick. But then I also wouldn't expect them to look after my DCs when I had a bug. Firstly because I wouldn't want them to risk getting it via DCs. And secondly because having a sickness bug doesn't render you incapable of looking after your one DC for a couple of hours, horizontally if necessary.

I probably should clarify - I don't know for definite but I don't think this is a big really, I think it's probably mild good poisoning.I had smoked salmon yesterday that might but have been the best. That's why no one is concerned about a bug spreading.

Fannyfifer, what on earth is wrong with lounging on my own couch when sick?

redhotpokers, DH isn't sick, not sure why you think I should be looking after dd? He didn't go to work (his choice) so no babysitting required by anyone.

Bug, not big, and food, not good.

Bloody phone.

Might NOT have been the best

Gah!

You are just being grumpy. Don't take it out on others for your own grumpiness.

I was talking about IF your DH had gone into work.

So why should mil be worried about coming round? She can't catch it surely. Also, not being funny, but questionable smoked salmon is not the best idea when pg. But I guess you know that.

Think we may be talking at cross purposes dprince, I never expressed a concern that she shouldn't be around me in case of catching it. I was responding to other poster's questions about that.

Yes, lesson definitely learned about dodgy smoked salmon.

Mil has gone home now so it's been fine really, symptoms worsened so wouldn't have been able to leave bed anyway. Storm in a teacup all round but it was nice to have somewhere to vent.

Now please excuse me while I go hang my head down the toilet :)

Was she sent round to look after you & the DCs, or for you to entertain her while you put up with the sickness and childcare at the same time?

If the latter, yes, he's unreasonable. If the former, then the poor fella can't do right for doing wrong.

YANBU and in your position I would feel much the same way. That said, I don't particularly like my MIL.