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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of people saying this?

65 replies

FrenchRuby · 09/04/2012 10:51

I've been researching tummy tucks. After two large babies and massive weight gains in pregnancy (completely my own fault) and dropping from 18stone to 12stone in a year, I am left with the most awful stomach. I have very deep stretch marks and disgusting loose skin that's in a kind of 'w' shape on my belly.
I've tried creams and wraps, Im not sure if I actually thought they'd work or it was just wishful thinking, either way I've still got a disgusting tummy. I've realised that a tummy tuck is the only way I'm going to get rid of the loose skin (Im not fussed about my stretch marks, they don't show through clothes like my flappy skin does).
But here is where I am getting really annoyed. When people say this:

'Just exercise and it'll tone up'

No, it won't! I exercise every single day and if anything it's make it worse. I just get so frustrated, it's not like I'm looking for an easy way to lose weight or something, I've worked hard to lose all the weight I have and people saying this make me feel like I'm being lazy or something.
I'm also a bit sick of hearing 'But you have two children to show for it' Does that mean I'm not allowed to feel insecure about my body? I'm 24 with the body of an old lady :(

I'm not entirely set on a tummy tuck, I'm still researching. I'm not asking if tummy tucks are right or wrong because I know that people have different views on it.

OP posts:
SofaKing · 09/04/2012 11:16

Thanks french :-) I think you should save up for the op and if you turn out not to need it you can spend the money on new clothes. Either way you will get a reward for all your hard work!

BigBoobiedBertha · 09/04/2012 11:19

Do you mean having your stomach muscles knitted back together or the spare skin taken away? Not really sure what you mean by a tummy tuck and it sounds like there are two issues here to me. (I am completely ignorant of these things mind you). Smile

I have a friend who has had her stomach muscles put back together. It has changed her shape but not really her size. However, what it does mean she will have a flatter stomach when she finishes losing the weight. Before no matter what she did she always looked pregnant.

YANBU though. If your stomach muscles were pushed so far apart that they can't come back together naturally no amount of exercise will work as those muscles can't move together properly.

I have the flappy skin thing myself but I know underneath the muscles are sound. I just need to follow your excellent example and lose some weight. Well done for doing that. 6st is a real achievement. Smile

toddlerama · 09/04/2012 11:20

Same here. What I have found though is that quitting sugar and upping my fat intake has improved it slightly so maybe something to try in the short term (18 months - 2 years) whilst you save? We follow the GAPS diet for other health reasons - this was an unexpected side effect Wink

RandomMess · 09/04/2012 11:21

I think for me it's partly that my brain just does not instinctively hold the muscles in anymore so it's partly a training thing.

Do not whatever you do hold a "plank" position and look in the mirror - I think a traumatised myself by seeing the loose skin hanging down...

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 09/04/2012 11:22

I think you can have both done at the same time, tummy tuck and muscle repair, I think I'd need that.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrenchRuby · 09/04/2012 11:23

RandomMess, I just don't look in the mirror full stop anymore :(

OP posts:
Vassia · 09/04/2012 11:29

I know exactly how you feel FrenchRuby. I once made the mistake of discussing a tummytuck in a room full of women, worst thing I could ever have done! I got loads of the "you're still losing weight, it'll disappear eventually" and other patronising/annoying comments. But like you, I know that the skin is damaged beyond repair and the only ting that will give me my stomach back is a TT. Unfortunately I want to have another child at some point so I have to wait until then! And like you I had a large baby (he has destroyed me! But THANK GOD for C-sections Wink)

Also, your lump does sound like a hernia, maybe get that checked out? Might also be worth asking your GP if there is anyone that they recommend for the TT, or anyone they have heard of avoiding?

DinahMoHum · 09/04/2012 11:31

go for it if thats what you want. People will judge you whatever you do, so you may as well please yourself.
people like to put some sort of moral judgement when women want to make changes to their body. Its noone elses business. When skin is stretched and damaged to that degree, you only have two choices. Live with it, or have surgery.
I had a breast lift a while back to sort out my empty flappy teabags after going from an A cup to a FF in all my pregnancies and back down again. Im so much happier with my body now i dont feel deformed anymore.

everlong · 09/04/2012 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurrySpice · 09/04/2012 11:37

Just adding another bloody well done here Grin and a cheeky request for before and after pics

FondleWithCare · 09/04/2012 11:37

Well done with the weight loss. My sister has that same loose skin, not fat but just overstretched skin.

Agree with the others, find a reputable surgeon, lose the remaining weight that you want to, save up your money then enjoy the results. I imagine it's very painful surgery to recover from as well so get some help with childcare in place when you have it done so you can go easy on yourself.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 09/04/2012 11:38

Oh I'd love a boob lift too! My body looks like an 80yr olds and I'm only 24 :(

OP posts:
Original poster
FrenchRuby · 09/04/2012 11:39

Curryspice of my weightloss or when I get TT?

OP posts:
DinahMoHum · 09/04/2012 11:45

definitely make sure you research companies and surgeons well. Avoid all the conveyor belt companies that give you consultations with sales people instead of surgeons.

Ifyoucantsayanythingnice · 09/04/2012 12:36

My mum had one. After two pregnancies and torn stomach muscles, she had the 'apron' as it is charmingly known Hmm.
No amount of stomach crunches would have had any effect and she was adamant she wanted surgery.

She did her research and did not go cheap. The surgery was fabulous and the aftercare was excellent. She saw only a consultant for her appointments and was not offered 'credit'. Her torn stomach muscles were sewn back together so as an added bonus, the bad back which has always troubled her was much better.

The recovery time was around the same as a hysterectomy and it was painful and there are obvious risks to any surgery such as infection.

Although she has gained weight since,her stomach is still firm and smooth.

Ultimately it is your decision and surely it's your opinion which is the only valid one in this situation.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 09/04/2012 12:36

I have been researching loads, there's one where my friend had her boobs done and she said they were amazing so I'm looking into there. I'm a bit wary about places like MYA because I've been on the forums and they seem to mess up a lot (I don't mean surgery but everything else)

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 09/04/2012 12:44

Please please don't go to to a big chain - and run a mile from any clinic that offers finance.

You want a private, independent surgeon who works for himself. Go for the consultation and see what vibe you get. Anyone that does the hard sell should be avoided.

A tummy tuck is one of the biggest cosmetic procedures you can have - if it's buggered up then it's pretty impossible to correct.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 09/04/2012 12:44

If you know it would take you a couple of years to save the money and to finish losing weight and then have some time maintaining it, you should start saving now.

You say you haven't decided, but you don't need to decide now if you will have the operation, but you do need to start saving the money. I think just doing that will help you feel better because it's another goal and on the days you are feeling down about it, you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And if you change your mind about surgery, you will have enough money to go on a nice holiday instead.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 09/04/2012 12:53

I wouldn't want to do it on finance anyway, I don't like being tied down to things, I don't have a credit card or contract phone either!

OP posts:
lolajane2009 · 09/04/2012 12:57

i went from 17 stone to 9 and a half (now at 12 after having baby in sept) and my belly ended up saggy and no matter what i did it stayed the same and was told by doc only surgery would get rid of it. tbh i wasnt too bothered in the end so prob wont get it fixed but if you are it might be only option. do what suits you.

DialsMavis · 09/04/2012 13:11

Well done on your weight loss! I have just lost 2.5 stone and have another stone to go. After 2 big babies ( the last one was 10lb) & an EMCS my tummy is awful. With every lb I lose it looks even worse. A floppy saggy apron. I will be investigating tummy tucks when I reach my target and after really concentrating on exercise. A friend swears by cacci (sp?) electro treatment so I might treat myself to that when I am thin enough.

EmptyCrispPackets · 09/04/2012 13:23

I know the feeling I had it a lot before I had mine, even carefully choosing who I told. I was young too, and got the Hmm faces from people. The face got worse when i told them i was going abroad!

I don't regretting having it done as polyhydramnios totally ruined my shape, my muscles were completely shot to pieces. I also had a hernia.

I lost around 1 stone after the tt too, combination of being mega paranoid the swelling was actually a non improvement so eating very carefully, and taking strong pain killers that actually left me with a little appetite.

I've popped weight on and off in the 6 years since I had it done but my tummy has always stayed flat, and I'm pregnant again now and a little worried that it will ruin it but only time will tell.

Good luck.

CalamityKate · 09/04/2012 13:31

YADNBU.

I was similar to you - I had two huuuuge babies and was left with the ever attractive apron, which no amount of exercise would shift. In fact the thinner I got, the worse it looked because it had no fat to pad out the wrinkles. It was horrendous.

But yeah, you get everyone going "Just exercise more/diet". You have to remember that most people don't have a clue what they're talking about Hmm

My TT was one of the best things I ever did - they lop off the spare flubber and pull your muscles back together. As I remember, it wasn't too bad an op (other than the first time you try to stand up, which is alarming because you can't and you're briefly convinced they took too much and you'll never stand upright again!) - I think I was out and about at about the 10 day mark.

As someone else has said upthread, it also had the beneficial effect that because they tighten your muscles, my bad back improved dramatically too.

Original poster
FrenchRuby · 09/04/2012 13:43

Thanks for your replies! They've helped a lot.
I do get awful back ache, I'd assumed it was from having big boobs but maybe it's the muscles?

OP posts:
BigBoobiedBertha · 09/04/2012 14:09

Lack of core strength is probably part of what is causing the back ache. If the muscles around your middle don't work properly there isn't enough muscle strength to hold your spine straight iyswim.

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