menopausael grandma

[mostlyupbeat]

AIBU to be terrified that my mother in law will not make any long term plans with her days now that she is retired, just in case I change my mind and decide to go back to work. This is all very strange considering I have told her that if I do go back to work then my LO will spend two days in nursery and the rest of the time with myself or my husband. She is now pinning all her hopes on me changing my mind....Gosh the pressure. Does the crazy grandparent obsession ever subside? I'm thinking of moving. I'm massively independent and need some space from her neediness.... Help Help Help

Don't look a gift granny in the mouth I'd say

Menopausal

Oh god it must be so hard being offered free family-based childcare by someone who obviously dotes on their grandchild. Poor, poor you. You should definitely go to the police or dump the bastard, or possibly call social services. (((((((((hugzz))))))).

You are lucky to have the offer of free childcare from a family member. What do you have against her looking after your LO if you return to work?

WTF does this have to do with being menopausal?

And you are being pretty cruel to your MIL about her grandchild.

One day your periods will stop and your DIL might hate you enough to take the piss.

Just sayin.

I'm completely lost

Before I can say anything, is your mil in good Heath, respect your parenting choices and easy to communicate with.

I have seen it on MN that family member have GC and feed them sweets, crisps and chocolate and spoil routines, not cooperate with potty training, weaning ect

There is plenty of evidence, on these boards, that women of menopausal age come in all varieties, from interested in their grandchildren to completely uninterested, from apparently unhinged to perfectly sane. Just like women of any other age. You appear to be so blinkered by your wish to generalise that you aren't making any reasonable, or even coherent, job of explaining your circumstances.

Are you telling us that your MIL wants to provide childcare when you go back to work, and you don't want this? Fine - you don't have to want it. Presumably you have a good reason for that. (I'd have jumped at the chance, but that's just me.) Are you asking us for advice on how to explain, politely and respectfully, to your MIL that you prefer to use a nursery, or do you just want to be rude about middle-aged women in general?

She is a controlling woman unfortunately and her actions have had a negative effect on our marriage at times. I am so so lucky to have someone who offers free childcare however I do believe that she would completely take over. Everyone has a different dynamic with their family and free childcare from a grandparent sounds fantastic on paper, however sometimes it isn't the best thing no matter how financially convenient.

Let's hope for your sake that if you have sons... their dw's treat you better than you really derserve!

Would your mil look after my daughter instead? I am being financially crippled by nursery fees!

.... and the menopause has WTF to do with this?

What's any of that got to do with the menopause?

TBH op, you sound fairly controlling yourself. Maybe your LO would like to have the chance to spend time with your MIL, have you considered that?

My Gran looked after me when I was little, as my Mum worked, and I still have very happy memories of that.

So mostly why didn't you say that in your OP then? And you haven't answered Paques' question. Couldn't put it better myself.

I wish my children even had a Grandma, never mind one who adored them.But I appreciate sometimes things are not as honky dorey as others imagine.Why not meet her halfway and let her mind LO one day a week ?.

You sound fairly sensible in your second post, so I have no idea why you phrased your thread title and first post as if you thought her hot flushes were going to burn the baby.

Yes, it's perfectly reasonable not to want your MIL to look after your child, if you already have had problems with controlling behaviour. You need to explain things to her firmly but politely, and make sure that your dh/dp fully supports this and won't be swayed by any pressure from his Mum. After that, if she chooses to pine her days away, that has to be her problem and not yours.

But your OP was particuarly disrespectful. We all hope to be older one day.

Absolutely. Her actions have nothing to do with the menopause and I apologise for being mean and causing offence. I am frustrated with her actions and am thefore being really horrible. Just feeling extremely smothered and not knowing how to gain space without exploding.

How often are you seeing her then?

You are frustrated with her for wanting to be involved in her grandchild's life? Would you feel the same if it was your own mother I wonder?

Was twice a week for two full days, but then we cut it down to once a fortnight for a full day because she wouldn't let me hold or feed my daughter even though I was demand feeding her. Now she just turns up at my door randomly

yeah dump her in a nursery with 20+ other dumpees

god forbid the poor kid would have some 1:1 attention from a loving grandmother instead of a paid lackey who generally couldnt give a toss

but hey, dont put your kids needs first whatever you do, get your silly little grievances first in line eh :)